Tuesday, November 06, 2001 :::

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musical recommendations
sevendust: x-mas day
far: nestle
-----waiting for sunday
lifehouse: simon (except for the "ladadadada" part)

words of the day
linger
cartilage
multitudinous
authenticity
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all that we really see is skin, cartilage, hair, calcium, and bone.

this sickens me...that we humans draw judgement and conclusion from this. definitely one of the behaviors i wish that i could change...but no matter how i fight it, i am - we all are - animals. there is no getting around it. and everything is attitude; you can view the state of man as a curse, or a blessing. there is obvious and neverending conflict between free will, free thought, and animal instinct. no matter how hard one tries, one cannot erase the natural tendencies he or she is born with; will and thought are flexible and changing, while basic inborn drive, desire and need are constant and unbending. i have come to the realization that there are three levels of existence, and although i know that this is already established, or may be incorrect due to previous scientific study, or whatever, my little theory here satisfies me for the time-being. the three plains of being seem to be Animal (basic), Hybrid (human), and Independent (divine). Animals are purely associative, Independents are truly free from any biological/physical restraint, and Hybrids are the middle-ground.

this raises a few questions for me...such as, are Independents among us all the time; Independents being ghosts, angels, spirits...whatever...? my answer: sure, why not. there is no way for us to be certain, according to the above theory, since we Hybrids are restrained by biological and physical means, and Independents are not. this leads me to believe that Independents have no outward appearance. GOD, how beautiful that must be...that's utopia, right there-or at least a component that would undoubtedly exist in a utopian setting. I say "sure, why not" in a somewhat apathetic tone because there is no way to know the answer for sure...so there shouldn't even be any attempt from our end to discover the truth here. of course, this is where faith comes in, because given the theory, it is absolutely possible that Independents are here...hell, maybe one is right next to you, watching you read this. who knows...but i find it extremely comforting to believe in this possibility. i guess i have a need for something beyond comprehension. without this, everything seems so used to me. nothing sacred...except through my own personal experience, which is, of course, wonderful in its own right...but...bah, i think you all know what i'm trying to get across here. i just hope that I will remember what it is when i next read this entry.

I'm reading all of this over, and it seems that some of it may be out of order, and might flow better if i rearrange some of the sentences...but i'm typing all of it as it comes to mind...so...maybe i think in an unorderly fashion. either way, i'm leaving it unchanged, for the sake of authenticity.

i have multitudinous assignments due tomorrow, and because i have finally realized that some sort of schedule or routine is necessary for me to get along with decent grades and health, i am going to end this post with reluctance...and confidence, as well, with the thought that i may accomplish a respectable amount of rest tonight.

thank you for your forgiveness...

-munkyjunky

::: posted by AJBrotz at 9:34 PM

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