Monday, February 04, 2002 :::

everyone go rent Bubble Boy! Awesome movie!

and of course...if you haven't seen Moulin Rouge yet...well, you're pretty dumb. GO RENT/BUY IT!

Absent played a decent show friday night...but i definitely had more fun before the show, when we got lost in downtown Orlando. that was freakin' great. and Dan's Midnight Pizza is pretty damn good. anyway...everyone played exceptionally well...except for myself. i just wasn't feeling it...at all...and for the first time ever, didn't really care about how well i performed. my voice was off...my playing was off...i just had like, zero enthusiasm. except for "And So it Goes..." that is without a doubt my favorite song that we've ever written, and i don't think i could ever play it without getting psyched in the process. so...why have i not been enjoying absent lately?

i haven't been enjoying much of anything lately...and this entry will probably come off as just another one of those run-of-the-mill depressed-person entries or whatever...but...this IS my blog...so...oh well. i've just been feeling totally lost lately...and i haven't been able to switch myself out of that mindset - which is really strange for me, because it's usually no problem. usually i can just think of a funny memory, and i'll be back to normal, just like that...or i'll just be like, "hey, enough of this blah mood...get happy!" or whatever. but...that hasn't been working. i'm not sure whether to attribute it to poor eating habits, or lack of exercise...because these are constants; i've always had these problems, and it's never been a real issue with my attitude before. maybe it has all caught up with me. i dunno. of course, my missing tons of school is a factor...but i'm not sure whether it's a result, or a cause of this attitude problem. bah...this is so retarded. for the millionth time, i'm stating that i'm switching it up; i'm not going to miss anymore school...i'm going to get back on track...i'm going to find motivation...and i'm going to regain the respect of my friends. and this time it's going to stick. somehow. i hope.

brock, brian, juan and I made 60 bux each playing oldies to old people at New Smyrna saturday night...'twas hellafun playin' songs like "Johnny Be Good," "Wipeout," "Wild Thing," "Gloria," "Joy to the World (Jeremiah was a Bullfrog)," etc. and it's always wonderful for me to jam out with my dad. great, great times...his birthday was yesterday, actually. pretty crazy...i hate the fact that he's getting older. when you're young and under your parent's 24 hour supervision, you feel like they'll be there forever...but once you're out, you realize how temporary everything is...

Brock's condo is mad awesome. reminded me of the Island...

the new Dream Theater cds kick ass...the 2nd one, consisting of one 40-something minute long song, is my personal favorite. Juan has really gotten into them, so that's awesome.

Juan. what a wonderful person Juan is. i love that kid...

do you ever think about which individual friends you wouldn't be able to imagine living without? it's an eye-opener, and you kinda' feel bad, because you realize that some "friends" are...or will be...expendable, for lack of a better word. and that is only because certain people REALLY stand out as friends that you would hate to lose...to live away from. understand what i'm saying? like...there's a handful of friends that i absolutely treasure...but even then, there are only a few in that handful that i truly cannot imagine being excluded from my life. i'm pretty sure that these people know who they are...and to them, i say...GOD, i love you. thank you soooo much for walking into my life...or for engaging in conversation with me after i said "hi," etc. And i'm not really sure why i'm writing about this right now...but...i guess i'll throw in a little request: if you've thought about this question of which people are pretty much vital to your enjoyed existence, and have "narrowed it down," let those people know just how important they are.

time to read for SCHOOL...cuz that's what i'm here for...SCHOOL. SCHOOL is where i'm going tomorrow...what i'm waking up for. no more missing SCHOOL.

i need to be honest with myself, for myself

::: posted by AJBrotz at 3:26 AM

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