Saturday, March 22, 2003 :::

Chris, Laura, Mayanne and I went to a cemetary at about 12 AM last night. None of us had ever been to this cemetary before. Laura and Mayanne had seen this cemetary in passing while driving to and from some place, but when we left to find it, neither of them could remember exactly where it was. Actually, while we were searching for it, we mistook a junkyard for the cemetary - Micanopy is a small, poor town, and in the middle of the night, it's nearly pitch black in some parts. After encountering the junkyard, Mayanne admitted that she might have mistaken that same junkyard for the cemetary all this time - that it was possible that there was no cemetary at all. After driving for what seemed like 30 minutes, Laura and Mayanne decided that if there truly was a cemetary, we must have passed it, so we turned back. While driving alongside dark woods and sidestreets, I shined my flashlight out through the passenger-side window onto the darkened formations passing by, hoping but not expecting. I swear to you - when the light happened upon that gravesite, it was as if the cemetary had appeared out of thin air... - for a moment, I honestly felt like we were in a movie.

This cemetary was absolutely perfect for moonlight viewing. The stones were all unique, as the majority of the bodies had been buried in the 1800s/early 1900s. If Laura and Chris hadn't been so scared by the whole scene, I don't think I would have taken on such a cool, calm head - I was inadvertently forced to assume a leader role, and if someone else had taken it before me, it is very likely that I would have been frightened for the entire duration of our stay. I cannot convey to you the feelings that struck me - a completely unfamiliar town, nevermind the tiny area that the cemetary consumed; pitch black, except for moonlight and one flashlight; complete silence, save for the wind through the trees and the occasional cracking of leaves beneath our feet; and the stones. These stones... - the affect when first illuminated by the flashlight was staggering. The most prominent memory from the entire experience was stumbling upon a stone slightly bigger than a brick, which simply read, in all caps, "FATHER." My stomach seized up immediately, and just as Mayanne predicted the probable presence of a MOTHER stone, we found it a few feet from the other. All of the stones were just so personal...so much more real than the ones found in modern cemetaries. Uniformity was absent here - real care had been taken in the creation and implementation of all of these markers. The whole experience was intriguing, unsettling...I'm one-hundred-percent glad that we went out there. I could write forever about this experience, but I'd much rather talk about it, so if anyone's interested in hearing more, let me know. The aftermath is especially interesting.

I'm currently on a kick where surprise and lack of information are of the highest value. Spontaneity, uncertainty, and the belief that literally anything is possible are the ideals of my life at the moment. I've only been on this kick for a few hours, and already, I'm practically terrified. Somehow, I've convinced myself that these ideals are practical and attainable, and thus, i've begun to adopt them...primarily the mindset that ANYTHING is possible...and I'm freakin' out. It's as if I've opened up new doors...erased boundaries...it's all very overwhelming. I'm on edge...as if I don't know anything and am suddenly now vulnerable to new threats...but this fright is taking place simply because it is 5 in the morning, everyone is asleep, I visited a cemetary earlier, and it's dead silent in this apartment. When combined with a burgeoning mindset that anything is possible, these ingredients make for near sheer terror. I'm really, really scared right now...and don't know if I'll be able to fall asleep. Maybe I'll be able to hope for the 180 that the morning will bring - believing that anything is possible obviously opens doors for new threats, but doors for new joys and excitement must open as well, and would be better illuminated in the daylight.

If this all seems crazy...i dunno, maybe it is? But I'm enjoying this new mental freedom, even if it's scaring the crap out of me. At the very least, this will prove to have been a profoundly interesting exercise in the capabilities of the imagination, but maybe, just maybe I'll retain a piece of this mindset indefinitely. For the moment, I truly believe that ANYTHING is possible, and that's amazing in itself.

::: posted by AJBrotz at 4:56 AM

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Thursday, March 20, 2003 :::

Ironically, my favorite record/song at the moment come from the same band that I previously listed as the biggest disappointment of 2002.
Dredg.
Very refreshing...a rare kind of band. Unquestionably, El Cielo is a mood-dependent record, but man when you're in the right mood...Excellent. It's an extremely relaxing record...beautifully executed as a whole, when listened to from start to finish. A true work of art, whose already exceptional depth is visually and textually complemented by the content of the booklet. This music should not be mixed in with all of the run-of-the-mill crap found on the shelves in today's music stores. I'm not trying to come off as some purist or whatever - I listen to quite a bit of "commercialized" music, but I'm capable of realizing when a band fits that mold or when it steps outside of the box. Many "original" bands do not appeal to me, and while I have some respect for them trying to do something different, I'm not going to deliberately spend extra time trying to develop a taste for them. However, when I come across something that truly stands out from the crowd and I honestly enjoy it, it IS something special...something noteworthy...even something to take more pride in than usual. I personally feel that Dredg falls into this category - they're doing something original, something uncommon...and they're doing it well...and ultimately, it appeals to my musical taste. Whether or not it will appeal to you, I have no place to say, but I recommend that you give this band a listen. "Scissor Lock" and "Sanzen" are exemplary of their style, but don't think that that's all there is to this band - each and every song has something unique to offer.

Much more to say, but it's nearly 5:30 AM...I'll pick up on this later.

::: posted by AJBrotz at 5:17 AM

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Monday, March 17, 2003 :::

Ugh...the Gainesville vs Orlando debate is consuming my life. Soon, the title of this blog will be changed to "Clarity or Depression."

::: posted by AJBrotz at 12:42 AM

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Saturday, March 15, 2003 :::

My new film policy: Never again will I tell someone my thoughts on a movie that he or she has not seen; at most, I will tell them whether or not i recommend it. I know that I prefer to go into a movie with as few expectations as possible...and given how seriously I take film, I think it best that others try to do the same... - in any case, I am not going to cast upon others that which I myself prefer to be absent from. However, from time to time, I'll include my opinions on certain films in this blog, preceeded by a disclaimer. Thus, here's the first

DISCLAIMER: IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN ROAD TO PERDITION AND INTEND TO, DO NOT READ THE FOLLOWING PARAGRAPH.

Road to Perdition - nothing groundbreaking...never a real moment where i thought to myself "man, this is an excellent movie," but I definitely enjoyed this film. MAN it broke my heart at the end... - I knew that it had to go down that way, but still...it was set up so perfectly that it shattered me...and herein lies the problem. While I'm glad that it went down that way, I can't say that I enjoy being struck down into sadness, so it's unlikely that I'll ever really want to see this movie again. I guess I'm a sucker for happy, or at least ambiguous, endings. However, I thought it to be a great story of a father and his son...and on the surface, I don't see anything wrong with it... - it's just not one of those films that has a strong replay value for me. Nonetheless, I wouldn't mind owning it - a year or two down the road, I'd be fine with watching it again. Most emotionally-draining films have the same impact on me - Forrest Gump is the first exception that comes to mind, since there's soooo much plot in that movie. Strange coincidence that it's another Tom Hanks movie... - anyway, Road to Perdition is a fine example of superb filmmaking - especially in terms of cinematography - but as far as replay value is concerned, the story is too simplistic and emotionally exhausting. It's strength is it's weakness...but overall, I give it 4.5 out of 5 stars.

Spring break is practically over...from a critical standpoint, it was too quiet and uneventful - the story of my life, as of late, but that's another topic for another time. If only UF would stop being retarded and synch our break with that of pretty much every other state college...or at least with UCF's. No beach yet, but hopefully, we'll make it out there today, weather-permitting. Highlights so far: um...getting my hair cut, combined with much shorter sideburns; hangin' out with the friends and family a little bit; Road to Perdition...and sadly, that's about it. I could blame it on being sick, or maybe the medication... - I dunno. I've been in something of a funk lately. I feel the need to do some real soul-searching...a week by myself, maybe... - I dunno. Going back to Gainesville should help a bit, if I can get a handle on school. So much work to get done...

It may very well be that I've previously (and unsuccessfully) resigned myself to getting myself on something of a schedule, but this time around, I truly want to. This latest urge was sparked by the drive to Orlando last Friday. I left Gainesville around 8 in the morning - something I'd never done before - and literally felt like I was taking a new route home. In the light of the morning sun, everything had a glow to it...almost as if it was waking up with me... - it was nice. Of course, this sensation was probably due, in part, to the fact that I hadn't slept for two days straight...but regardless...I need to stop wasting my days away. In the end, sleep logic doesn't hold any weight as a respectable excuse. This all seems so childish, but it's time to admit that I'm being childish. If I get to bed earlier, I'll have less trouble waking up earlier. If I get more exercise, I'll have more energy, and will be able to spend more time awake than asleep. Naturally, if I'm awake during daylight, I'll be more inclined to spend time outside, which will result in better health, both physically and mentally. So...it's not like I don't know what I need to do...it's just the "doing" part that poses a struggle. One step at a time...

More on the UF versus UCF issue: everyone and everything seems to be telling me to come back home. There are more opportunities for furthering my knowledge in Digital Editing here...my family and friends are here...the scenery and citylife is much more to my liking here...perhaps the greatest immediate appeal - i'm closer to water. But the reasons for coming back are the same reasons for staying in Gainesville, and they accumulate to form this reason: There is more room and potential for personal growth in Gainesville than there is in Orlando. Yes, it is a hell of a lot harder for me, emotionally and mentally, to live at UF, but nothing truly worth doing is easy - or so I'm told. By staying In Gainesville, depriving myself of tools that, in Orlando, could practically be laid at my feet for a greater understanding of Digital Editing, but this forces me to take more initiative...to decide if this is truly the direction that I want to take with my life, and to take that extra step to stand out and take what I need, instead of simply sitting back and receiving it. I had a short chat with Daniel Moctezuma the other day at my brother's weightlifting match, and he really helped me to put things into perspective - whether or not he was truly being honest is up in the air, but he seemed completely heartfelt, and he seriously boosted my morale and self-confidence, telling me that he knew that I had talent...that I'd make it through...that every situation is what one makes of it. Anyone who knows Daniel knows that he's a huge success story - immense talent and dedication through discipline, dedication and God-given abilities...but for him to say "I know you can do it," - it really meant something...and I need to thank him. I wish I had his drive and his passion... - I intend to work towards attaining it. Of course, this all looks great on the screen...when will I supply all the thinking with action? Tomorrow's as good a day as any...

::: posted by AJBrotz at 2:45 AM

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Saturday, March 08, 2003 :::

okay...so...Coldplay is the best band currently in existence - on most days, anyway. After much listening, I've decided that I prefer A Rush of Blood to the Head over Parachutes, although Parachutes remains in my all-time top 10. "Warning Sign" and "The Scientist" are absolutely delicious...so warm, so uplifting...yet so somber at the same time - it's genius, i tell you! GENIUS!

overly brief review of the new Evanescence record, Fallen: The recording quality is excellent. The quality of (almost) each song is superb. The band could not be tighter. Overall, it really is a great album...but now, on to my gripes. When listening to the record from start to finish, it often feels as though you've heard the same song a few times over. Stylistic diversity is lacking. There ARE two ballad-esque songs ("My Immortal" and "Hello"), but other than that, every track is pretty much built with the same structure, same guitar sound, and same mood...and as far as "My Immortal" is concerned, they completely destroyed what was once a beautiful song (as it was found on their previous album, "Origin") with utterly tasteless electronic strings. I could bitch about this one aspect of the album all day, but I usually just skip the track and rely on "Hello" for a (huge) change of pace. Really sad song...but after a few listens, I came to appreciate it on several levels, primarily because it does an excellent job of showcasing singer Amy Lee's beautifully dynamic and seamless voice. Another gripe - remember my last post, when I commented on "thirty seconds of greatness" within the duration of "Imaginary?" Yeah, well...the powers that be completely removed that part of the song. I cannot convey to you how upset I was when I first listened to it on the new record...ugh. But that, "My Immortal," and the redundant structuring of the songs aside, it's an impressive major-label debut. In final reference to the feeling of similarity found throughout the cd - fortunately, the songs have several layers - layers that I notice more and more each time I listen to the record. In conclusion, I definitely recommend purchasing the album. I guarantee that Evanescence will go down as being one of the very few bands that actually found success in pairing heavy rock with a female vocalist.

I'm sick, and lemme tell you, it's absolutely shit-tastic. "Here's spring break, Alan...here's a week at home with all of your friends, Alan... - oh, and we can't forget to present you with this mother of a sinus infection." Thanks a pant-load. This pretty much screws up any plans of practicing with my band, since my throat, chest, and ultimately, my voice have been destroyed by this bitch-ass infection. On the bright side... - wait. There isn't a bright side to being this sick. Ugh...

I should comment on last weekend: Good times, good times...It was great to hang out with everyone at Animal Kingdom, MGM, and Epcot. Highlights would have to include getting pictures with characters, seeing the down-syndrome panda bear, getting the shaft-seat on the tower of terror (everyone but me had a bar to keep them in the seat - i had a seatbelt - scary stuff), riding the "Best Ride Ever!," and of course, seeing Juan and Will as extras in the Indiana Jones show at MGM. Absolutely hilarious... The party at Juan's was excellent, as well... - it was superb to see Juan's Mac screw up over and over again :) Just kidding...but seriously, PCs are just as good, if not a thousand-times better.

Of course, the biggest news of the year has been the announcement of the engagement of my main man Frank and his girl Lauren. I won't lie - I'm more than a little skeptical about this whole thing...but in the long run, if Frank has truly thought this thing out and is sure that this is his path to insurmountable happiness, then I'm all for it.

Time to catch up on sleep - missed two nights in a row. More posting to come... Hope to see everyone soon...

::: posted by AJBrotz at 1:52 AM

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