Friday, August 29, 2003 :::

why don't you run, why don't you RUN!!!
why don't you run, BACK TO SCHOOL!!!

Can't believe I'm nearly finished with 4 years of college...but it definitely feels different as this third year is starting. Better. I feel more focused...more motivated...older. Maybe it's the result of experiencing so many things this past year or so... - I'm sure that Europe is heavily responsible...but regardless of the cause, I'm enjoying this new sense of self. Life is such an amazing gift... - just when you think you've got it figured out, something new switches everything around...the Powers that Be write a new manifesto for you and point you in a slightly different direction - slight, but in a way that you never could have predicted. Big props to all of my friends who realize how amazing simply existing is - you remind me when I forget, direct me when I lose my way, and continually inspire me to embrace this world, crazy as it is. Thank you!

This semester promises to be more hectic and stressful than any semester past. 14 credit hours, featuring two relatively simple gen-ed classes (Age of Dinosaurs and Solving Problems with Computer Software) and two extremely involved media studies classes (Video Production and TV and Electronic Culture), on top of my new job at the UF Bookstore. I'm pretty psyched about all of my classes, especially VP and SPwCS, but VP is solely concerned with "experimental video," which promises to be a serious mind-fuck, and TV is gonna have me reading 24/7. The job is alright, but I start at 9 every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday...so that's kinda crappy... - however, I have the honor of working alongside Morgan Freeman's older brother! His name is Reggie, and I swear, he sounds, looks and acts just like Morgan Freeman. A truly wonderful man who makes moving boxloads of books around all worth while. God Bless Reggie.

Picked up the Yellowcard cd for 6.99 at FYE (that crazy store and it's crazy prices, i swear...) and I highly recommend it to everyone. Great pop/punk if one must label it. Stand-out features include an awesome violin player, straight-through listenability, and the most positive lyrics I've heard in a long time. Added bonus - they're straight out of Florida. Not sure how long FYE will have it on sale (or even if they still do), so check it out and pick it up if you can.

So...obligatory bitch-time, since that's what these blog things are best for, right? I'm so tired of going to sleep alone...so wanting of someone who will dedicate a special part of herself and her love to me...so ready to give that same part of myself to her - whoever she may be. Lust only gets you so far, as we all know, and at the end of the night, you're lonelier than you were before... - I'm tired of feeling like something is missing. I keep waiting for someone who seems to stand out...someone who I might connect with...someone who "gets" me. I've been told that I'm too picky, that I set my standards too high or whatever...but what's the point of settling for something that doesn't truly excite me? I've felt that rush before...the butterflies, the inexplicable happiness of being understood and appreciated, and regardless of how long it may take, I'm not going to set that amazing potentiality aside for something that will temporarily fill a void or allow me to pretend that it does. I really don't feel like my heart is closed off... - true, I'm not intentionally putting myself out there for opportunity, but there's a part of me that feels like I shouldn't have to. The theory of something eventually happening naturally has always been a hope and belief of mine - I just wish that "eventually" didn't imply such a long wait. Anyway, this is all just bitching - I'm totally stable and far from being depressed - just allowing the hopeful romantic in me to vent. It would be nice to be content with writing some poetry and lyrics that didn't always concern love and loss, though...

On a more optimistic note - my cousin Angela and I may be starting a little project. Angela has an amazing, confident personality - a real, pure happiness and sense of humility that is all-too-uncommon...and she has a great voice. A while back, I half-jokingly proposed that we start a band, and surprisingly, she was all for it. I was fully expecting a response along the lines of "i'd be too shy" or "I'm not that good!" but she was truly excited about the idea. SO, I, too, am extremely psyched about the possibilities that we might face together. I seriously feel like this might have a future... - no real idea of the style we'll embrace, but we both dig Evanescence, so that's freakin' awesome. Next Wednesday, we're getting together and she's going to sing My Immortal for me - she wants me to hear/see her live - so I'm gonna try to translate the piano part to guitar. I cannot wait...

My main dawg Brian is still holding onto hope for Absent, and I love him for it. He met some guy that works for Atlantic Records and is sending him our demo. Who knows? crazier things have happened...maybe this will wind up being my last year at UF. Wouldn't that be insane... I have full confidence that someday, my rock and roll dreams will really come true, so I'm not worried about rushing into anything...but I'll damn sure drop everything if a sweet opportunity comes along.

That's it for now...so...go outside and look at Mars. Ci Vediamo...

::: posted by AJBrotz at 12:28 AM

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