Thursday, January 31, 2002 :::

NEW DREAM THEATER!!!

Yes, it's finally here...the new studio album from one of the most talented bands in the world! SIX DEGREES OF INNER TURBULANCE is the title of this massive 2-cd opus. Hopefully, it will live up to the standard set by their last release, "Scenes from a Memory." We shall see...

Last night was an absolute blast...Juan and Melo came up from O-town, Crystal came down from Jacksonville, Axel came over from a few streets away...and Drew came from down the hall - and we all went to see Recover, onelinedrawing, and Further Seems Forever perform at The Common Grounds. Tiny club...but it provided the perfect atmostphere for the night. Very intimate...and the sound quality was actually quite good. Anyway, Recover put on tight, decent show...typical emo-rock with two vocalists - one screamer and one singer. Jonah's one-man-show onelinedrawing COMPLETELY stole the show...i swear, you just HAD to be there to understand. this man is incredible...great voice, intensity beyond my comprehension, absolute honesty...and R2. Yes, I'm talking about R2-D2 from the Star Wars saga. Jonah brings his robotic friend along to each show, and the droid provides humorous noises and awesome grooves that Jonah plays along to. In reality, R2 is a tape-player, and Jonah programs the beats for R2 to play back...but it's really...cute to see on stage, and it's cool to imagine that R2 is Jonah's self-willed beat-kickin' buddy. so...many many thank-you's to Jonah for an incredible performance. Further Seems Forever played last, and they put on a rockin' show...but...i just wasn't feeling it quite like I had anticipated i would. this was, of course, a result of the fact that their current singer did not provide the vocals that are on their full-length cd release. Although his voice was quite similar to that of the former vocalist, it was hard to believe (for me, anyway) that Jason was really feeling Chris's lyrics. i mean...Chris wrote those lyrics, not Jason...and when you perform someone elses poetry, i don't think it can ever be as honest and effective as it is when you perform your own. However, as the set progressed, i tried to shove all of this out of my head, and enjoyed the show as best as i could. Drew joined me in singing "Snowbirds and Townies," and during the band's last song, i put my arms around Crystal and Drew, and we swayed together until the song's end. Great times...great times. *smile*

today, i viewed Bubble Boy (which was actually a pretty decent flick...quite humorous) and, finally, Moulin Rouge. What a Spectacular, SPECTACULAR film. amazingly done, with beautiful music, enthralling performances from Ewan and Nicole, and expert direction. I can't recall how many times the film gave me goosebumps. Bravo for the Moulin Rouge...

in other news...i'm still attempting to get back on track with this college business. basically, my last chance greets me today, for if i do not complete the required reading for astronomy, it is likely that i will fail monday's quiz. My entire weekend is already scheduled away, so today is all that i have. Juan being here is definitely a distraction, but i HAVE to get the reading done. more on collegiate thoughts later; i have to get some sleep.

"This winter is lasting forever - at least for tonight."

::: posted by AJBrotz at 2:54 AM

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Thursday, January 24, 2002 :::

good news...JJ is back safe and sound. her internal organs were replaced, but she's the same old beauty on the outside, and she serves me with more efficiency than ever before. three cheers for jj...

absent has an important gig tomorrow night...i can't remember the last time i was this nervous about playing...primarily because my voice is being threatened by some bitch-ass sickness, but also because it'll be Will's first show. Additionally, we're planning on performing a song we finished at our last practice, which seems like forever ago...hell, our last performance literally seems like a year ago to me. so yeah...i feel unprepared. maybe everything will go off fine...but i'm definitely gonna drink as much green tea with honey as i can stand beforehand.

there was this girl in my Film as a Narrative Art class that i was immediately attracted to...but she was only there a few days. she's gone now. she'd seemed really smart...and has a fabulous name: Tatiana Bengochea (just...say it. it flows so nicely...) and i fully intended to ask her to join me and some friends to a movie...but she vanished before i had the chance. there's more support for my absolute fucking need to STOP PROCRASTINATING, and make use of each moment i can get ahold of.

further support became evident today in Film. we have an essay due on Tuesday, and we were able to choose which movie it would be based upon - as long as he approved it. so...weeks ago, i proposed a few suggestions, including The Godfather, Requiem for a Dream, and American Beauty. He only approved American Beauty...but i decided later that i wasn't interested in writing about it. so...i took down the list of movies that others had suggested and he had approved...but still, none really hit home. so...today, after he told the class that no more movies could be added to the list for the first essay, i asked if there was any way i could squeeze in two other suggestions. he asked which ones. i offered Almost Famous - immediate negative response. i tried again with Unbreakable. he paused...and said that if i had suggested Unbreakable a week ago, he would have said yes. he then walked off, adding comments like "You should already be started," yadayadayada. so...yes, the essay should be in progress already, but...bah. i dunno. i couldn't think of any movies when i needed to, reason being...maybe i was too tired...ugh. i dunno. but i'm sure it was my fault, because today, i've been coming up with several movies that would likely meet his approval, such as Dark City and The Crow. btw...the assignment is to analyze the "Setup" of the movie, which is usually expressed within the first 30 or so minutes of the film. Unbreakable, The Crow, and Dark City each have excellent setups, and...BAH. i just wish that i had thought of them earlier. so now, i'm stuck with either Nurse Betty, The 6th Sense, or Fight Club, as no other movies on the list of suggestions interest me. i'm leaning towards the 6th Sense, since its Setup seems well defined, and not as ambiguous as that of Nurse Betty or Fight Club. they each still have the whole "twist" element that arises at/near the end of the story, which annoys me (with regard to this essay topic)...but...ugh. frustration.

never watch the news. ever. it's the most depressing shit on television...and in general. i swear...fuck the media. that's all i've got to say.

it'd be awesome to see you guys tomorrow night...we go on at "10 sharp," and it's $7 for anyone under 21, $5 for 21 and up. Ignid is decent, but i'm not that big a fan of the Ox Project, so...in my opinion, u won't be missing too much if you only stay for Absent.

Movie/Music Recommendations:
Hi-Fidelity, starring John Cusack and Jack Black
Grosse Pointe Blank, starring John Cusack and Minnie Driver
Dark City
Virgos Merlot: Signs of a Vacant Soul

"the only thing i need: kiss my disease, and make it all better"

::: posted by AJBrotz at 12:30 PM

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Tuesday, January 15, 2002 :::

alright, everybody...prepare to sob incessantly, and know that i'm bawling right along with you.

Jazzy Jen (JJ), my luscious laptop, is being sent to Hewlett Packard's Service Center tomorrow. I'm confident that she'll make it out okay...but...i really don't know how i'm going to get along without her...especially since the length of her coming absence is not yet known. what's worse: I won't be able to electronically communicate with you all for an indefinite amount of time. shitty, no? YES. Shitty inDEED. thus, this will likely be my last post for quite a while. i trust that Jen will be in your prayers...

you know when you try exceedingly hard to establish something of a relationship with someone, and it doesn't work...and then, not long afterwards, that significant other rouses your hopes for the future...although you're 99% sure that nothing will come of it-just like nothing came of it before...and you try to come up with something that can be done from your end of the spectrum to make things different this time around, but what it boils down to is that you've done all that you can do, and expelling further energy would make for the equivalent of a rerun of a bad soap opera? do you know this feeling...this predicament? i hope not.

no one ever answered my question as to what would happen if all the testosterone/estrogin was removed from a fully-developed person's system.

so i've made a solemn promise to myself that i will never intentionally skip a class again. it's...ridiculous to just cop out of a class to get a little sleep...especially when i actually enjoy the classes that i'm registered for. i may already be behind in Human Sexuality because of my being a lazy-ass bum these past few days. crap crap crap on that.

Film as a Narrative Art is still quite entertaining...although i made an ass out of myself today by getting to class 10 minutes late with a water bottle. Professor Smith immediately singled me out, had me sit in the front of the class, took my bottle away (sob), and asked if i remembered the assignment that he gave on the first day of class. I remembered a vague outline of it...but i was flustered, so i said that i didn't...and he had everyone that had been in class on the first day stand up, look at me, and tell me that they'd been there. it was all actually pretty funny...and i really wasn't too embarrassed...but i don't like having a lousy impression on Smith. so now, i must redeem myself.

Absent has 3 shows coming up...the first is January 25th at the FBI...ages 16 and up welcome. the second is INSANITYFEST 2, February 9th at the FBI-ALL AGES WELCOME...FREE SHOW! the third is...February 14th, i believe, and i'm not sure exactly where it is, but i'll post it when JJ comes back. I miss her already...

Meghan bet me $20 (that she doesn't have) that i won't begin exercising tomorrow, so NOW, i have motivation! that's right...it's time for me to pump it up. no more excuses. soon, they won't let me carry these guns to school (GOD, that's horrible. cheese to the extreme).

i think i'm insomniac-esque. it takes me forever to fall asleep. this really sucks. help?

how's this for an album title: "...because there's still a chance she'll call me tomorrow" -credit goes to Sir Andrew William Bagley for that one. i dig it.

January 29th @ the Common Grounds, Gainesville, FL: Further Seems Forever, with onelinedrawing. CAN'T WAIT for that show...
March 14th @ Hard Rock Live, Orlando, FL: 311 with Hoobastank. should be a damn good display of talent...

alright, that's a pretty meaty entry. i think i'm gonna call it a night...hope to connect with you all again in the not-too-distant future. and now, your moment of Zen:

"They misunderestimated me." -George W. Bush

::: posted by AJBrotz at 11:33 PM

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well. it seems that i spoke too soon. i am now extremely fond of my Film professor. he has been around for...well, forever...and therefore knows more about film, and films, than probably anyone that i'll ever meet. i find him extremely interesting, and could spend an indefinite amount of time listening to his stories, especially the stands he has taken against "the man." he once laid down in front of a parked car, because it was parked up on the grass near his place of residence, i believe...and he had to be physically relocated. strange, indeed...but very, very cool.
during class today, we discussed the difference between plot and story; plot is what the movie literally shows and tells the audience, while story is what the audience pieces together on account of what is given in the plot. story consists of inferences and self-drawn conclusions, while plot is concrete. Professor Smith went on to say that every movie gives you enough information through the plot for you to derive the story that is intended by its creators, and in response, i immediately thought of Mr. David Lynch. To make a long story short, Lynch is a firm believer that not everything needs to make sense...and since he is (especially as of late, due to Mulholland Drive's popularity) a highly regarded and respected director, i relayed my inquiry to Prof. Smith. He replied by saying something along the lines of "There is enough evidence to support a theory that David Lynch is a space alien." Indeed, indeed...

So...yesterday, my ethernet card arrives. ecstatic, i move to install it, with the expert assistance of Sir Drew Bagley.

of course, the problem remains...and my laptop maintains its inability to connect through ethernet. my advice to everyone: DO NOT PURCHASE COMPUTERS MADE BY HEWLETT PACKARD. so, my next step is to demand compensation through their delivery of a new and improved unit to my door. upon reception of this, i shall send my defective unit back to them. THE CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS RIGHT.

also...i'm officially taking a stand. no more pornography...EVER.

melo: i'm extremely sorry about my lack of speak last night.

lastly...thank you to those who continue to comment.

::: posted by AJBrotz at 1:17 PM

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Friday, January 11, 2002 :::

zippity doo down down...skibbidy bop bop bow badoo...yeeeeaaaaah.

ahhhh, jazz. WONDERFUL stuff...so fun...so...so freakin' good.

I'm in the greatest mood right now...and the mood commenced after i finished *gasp* masturbating in the shower. it's like...i got the evil out of me, or the "disease," as it's called in Blue Velvet. Anyway, since then, i've been in the best frame of mind...totally relaxed and...well...happy...and this jazz is so damn good. i'm feelin' that feelin' you feel when you feel like you can do a complete turn around...listen to completely different types of music than usual...smile all the time...start anew; great, great stuff.

i got all my new hardware hooked into my computer; my scanner, and my firewire card, which enables me to...(ready for this)...MAKE MOVIES. yes. i can now hook up my camcorder to my laptop and edit my footage. i'm very, very excited. drew and i are already discussing film plots and storyboards. the tentative title for our first film is "Uncle Sal." It'll be full of head-splitting action, mind-boggling mystery, tear-jerking drama and romance, and of course...our own special brand of comedy. if your interested in auditioning for a part, just let me or drew know, and we'll set it up. "VEGAS, baby...Vegas."
and melo...now, our dream can finally come true. prepare the storyboards...

college is alright...my Astronomy class looks like it's going to be extremely interesting. the subject material has already completely blown my mind. the professor explained to us just how freakin' HUGE the universe is...and man. i CANNOT fathom it. like...ugh. i forgot the measurements...but trust me...it's absolutely insane. there's no way that we're the only life existent in the universe.
my other classes are decent so far...human sexuality is attended by like...300 students, so that's pretty crazy. Film seems cool, but my professor is like, 100 years old...can't hear well...is dislexic...and is EXTREMELY fond of himself, and biased. i mentioned Requiem for a Dream to him, and i swear...i thought he was gonna have a heart attack. he thought it was an "ABSOLUTELY DREADFUL MOVIE" that he'd tried to wipe away from his mind. given his age, i'm sure he took the "drugs are bad" approach and was blind to anything else that the movie had to offer in any way. there were several other movies that he shut out that i thought were decent/good, so...yeah, i don't think i like this guy. film (to me, anyway) is art...and if it is to be analyzed, it should be analyzed objectively, for in this field, one man's trash is another man's treasure.

imunna go watch...something. maybe Magnolia. i miss everyone a whole helluvalot...hope to see everyone at the Absent show on the 25th!

-*in slightly rhaspy, whispery voice: "yeeeeahhh..."

::: posted by AJBrotz at 9:43 PM

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Tuesday, January 08, 2002 :::

If you'd like to see a movie that will leave you in a state of



then go see David Lynch's latest film, Mulholland Drive. Very freaky movie...brilliantly composed. If you thought Memento was difficult to follow, try this one on for size. Gracias a Melo.

"Silencio..."

saturday night's little fiesta at Will's was decent, at first...but pretty much sucked at the end (no offense to Will). JOHN RAUDEBAUGH, you needed to be there...you're the life of every party, man. But it was cool to hang with Sean (Mr. Insanity), whom all the girls fell in love with. Shae, Brian's new love interest, seems really cool as well. However, after drinking 3 Smirnoff (sp?), my stomach started to feel ungood...and it has been fucked since then. sunday night and yesterday were the worst; i couldn't swallow my own saliva, nevermind food or refreshment, without MAD pain in my stomach. so...after clocking in with a blood pressure of 88 over 44, which i'm told is extremely low...like...barely alive, or something...i gave some blood for a mono test, which came back negative. the doc said i probably had "gastro-something," prescribed Zantac, and put me on a "clear-liquid diet." Basically, that meant no food. well, FUDASHIH. i'm a growing boy. a guy's gotta' have his food. so i've sucked it up and forced down enough solids to keep myself from starving. stupid, stupid stomach. It seems that Mr. Cohol (first name "Al") had something against my digestive track, so what have i decided? NO MORE ALCOHOL.

...unless there is an event or occurence that absolutely requires or calls for it...like, if Absent gets signed...or one of my friends gets married...or another New Years Eve. something like that.

Melo, i'm still looking for the convo from ages past...you'll have it as soon as i find it. glad your diggin' the SP cd...i was singing "Zero" to myself all day today, so i might have to pick up my own copy. still can't find New End Original. btw...i tried out my x-mas present. 'twas quite interesting...but i decided it's far too scary looking, and FAR too much work than it's worth...so...yeah. we'll see what its future holds. drew heard emergency-room stories involving his present...so he's scared to death of using it.

on the way back here to Gainesville, i pulled off quite an accomplishment. everyone sitting down? alright, get this...I successfully urinated into an empty Zephyrhills water bottle while driving 80-85 mph on I-75. i was scared to death that i'd wind up missing the bottle's opening, but i had to go SO bad that i had no other choice other than to give it a shot. the worst part was getting my pants/boxers down low enough so that i could relieve myself; 'twas quite the struggle...i did veer a little into the adjacent lane, and i wonder if anyone that passed by realized what i was up to. anyway, i must've been lettin' it go for...minutes, it seemed. i nearly filled that thing. and then i realized...i need a cap for this bottle. I HAVE to have a cap for this bottle. of course...there's no cap. so. i drive another 20 minutes or so, holding an open bottle of urine with one hand and steering with the other. horrible. but at least it didn't spill...and at least i wasn't pulled over for speeding.

it's great to be back in gainesville. ahhhhhhh.

::: posted by AJBrotz at 3:39 PM

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Saturday, January 05, 2002 :::

props to axel for a nicely phrased response to "steffanie." love and respect...

today was pretty interesting, consisting primarily of 4 completely unexpected...bummers.

first, i learned that steve spurrier left the gators. bummer. jen and i are gonna' plan out a mourning party; mr. cohol will be invited, of course. let me know if you'd like to attend...

second, Will called me up and told me that the planned "get-together" had to be moved to saturday night (instead of friday night). bummer, but...no big deal.

next, melo and i were gonna check out Mulholland Drive at the Colonial Promenade, but melo got into a little accident on the way, so no movie. major bummer for melo...hope things are okay, and that the police didn't get involved. melo: the guy whose cell phone you used to call me has a voicemail message that sounds a LOT like Larry the Cable Guy. Did you get into an accident with Larry the Cable Guy!?!

lastly, i went to see Lord of the Rings with my 'rents. with about 10 minutes of movie left, the fire alarms went off, and we had to evacuate the building. it was the third time that this bullshit has happened to me, and i know that it has happened many more times than that (it has probably happened to most of you who are reading this)...and the way that the mall "security" and staff handled everything was just as unorganized as the first time it happened to me, years ago. ridiculous. anyway, i was semi-alright with it, cuz i've seen it once already...but i felt bad for my parents. the Fellowship of the Ring was definitely better the second time around, though...great flick.

on the upside, i decided what i'm gonna' do about my current guitar situation. my strat doesn't give me the low-end sound that i need for Absent's style of music, so i've resolved to saving up for a new guitar. i could just install new pickups...but then i'd lose what i love about the strat; the wonderful clean tone. so...i figure i'll work on gettin' enough money for a new ax...maybe a Gibson SG. we'll see...

is it just me, or does it seem that there are more elderly drivers on the road than ever before?

i'm addicted to music. in all seriousness. it's a necessary ingredient for my happiness. i truly believe that my attitude falters when i stay at home because i don't have a stereo in my room. my stereo is ALWAYS on in my apartment in g-ville. so, when i'm here in oviedo, i usually can't wait to get into my car so that i can listen to my tunes. this may all seem kinda silly to whoever's reading this...but i thought it was interesting that i nailed the absence of music as an actual, heavy deterrant of my mood here at home.

picked up a double-cd from "ATB" the other night (thanx again for keeping me company, anne...and seriously, it was all the fault of the drugs). it's basically fairly straight-up dance music...but Roberson plays it all the time in our apartment, and i really dig one of his songs...so i figured i'd check an album out. the first cd is definitely stereotypical club music...but the second is much more mellow...and i heavily enjoy it. unfortunately, the song that got me interested in ATB in the first place isn't on either of the cds in the set; what song is it, Rob? is it "Summer?"

Absent has 3 shows scheduled...i believe that the first is January 25th at the FBI. Ages 16 and up welcome, so EVERYONE can come...and it'd be really cool to see u guys there. it'll be Will's first show...

i leave for gainesville sunday, and tuesday, college starts up again; i'm actually pretty stoked. everyone needs to come visit, though, so call me on my cell and we'll plan things out.

my apologies for the lack of substance and depth in this entry...i really just felt like writing, and no one is online to talk to. time for sleep.

::: posted by AJBrotz at 1:48 AM

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Wednesday, January 02, 2002 :::

Warning. The content of the entries that follow this disclaimer is going to be much more raw than previous content. The level of honest output is going to be intensified. Drastically. If you are worried about being offended in any way by pure, unrehearsed thought and emotion, then I seriously recommend thinking twice about visiting. Hopefully, this thing will become something meaningful again.
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

- What would happen (mentally/emotionally) to a man if all of the testosterone and estrogin was taken out of his system? -

"No sleep in 2002." -John Raudebaugh

I'm going to try with all of my strength and ability to make this year the motherfucking best year that i've ever had. Pretense just HAS to go out the window...and the person that i truly am needs to be concretely established and maintained. (Physical/mental) health has to improve...and once that is well underway, i'm totally confident that my other goals will be reached with more ease.

OFFICIAL NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS
-ABOLISH AWKWARD SILENT MOMENTS OF NOTHINGNESS IN MY LIFE
-Improve health
-Conquer pretense
-Experience as much as possible
-TAKE ACTION; achieve balance between action and theory
-Learn how to play my violin
-Pay off the debt i owe to my 'rents

that's a pretty fuckin' hefty load. here goes nothing (and everything)...
_________________________________________________________

I'd love a new stereo system for my car (after experiencing my brother's), and a new amp for my guitar (Line 6 Flexitone 2). Hence, i'm getting a job when i get back to Gainesville. This will aid in my eradication of moments of nothingness in my life. Boredom is the worst sensation a person can experience, and it is absolutely unacceptable. There is ALWAYS a constructive way to spend one's time.

Fragments
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
"what's that you're saying? the circus clowns have all left town and things are like we always dreamed? let's consumate, initiate our own ideal society. Pray that we dismiss the seed that birthed itself in you and me."
_______________________________________________________________
"I've left it, now; it's all behind me. Let the memories escape me. No pretense and no regrets-it's time to see the sight that blinds me."
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

It has been QUITE some time since i masturbated. My main reasoning is that i really don't enjoy the frame of mind that i enter when the activity commences. masturbation has always been something that i resort to when i'm bored...or when i'm wanting an escape...and i can think of many other more satisfying practices that i could engage in without sacrificing my preferred state of mind. i've come to the conclusion that that sort of thing is truly and simply meant to be experienced when love accompanies it - is provided by a lover. so no more lessening the sensation's potential significance - unless i get seriously arroused and just have to get off. and that has hardly ever been the case.

note to self: do not engage in activities that you might regret when under the influence...or when involved with someone else who is under the influence.

love is not something that should ever be fucked with.

::: posted by AJBrotz at 1:01 AM

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Tuesday, January 01, 2002 :::

abandon hope
_______________________________________

remember to open your eyes when you wake up

::: posted by AJBrotz at 8:05 PM

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