Friday, December 21, 2001 :::

abolish the mood set by my last post. things are absolutely fine; i was just in a funk for a little while. my apologies to anyone who was affected by it.

Lord of the Rings is a damn good movie...epic is the word. everyone go see it (!!!)

Harry Potter is a decent movie...i could even say that it was good. good, wholesome family fun...and unicorns being eaten by a monster in the woods.

10 Things I Hate About You was thoroughly enjoyed; I'd have no problem recommending it to anyone. And dammit...I have a thing for Julia Stiles...or at least her character in that movie. Heath Ledger did a nice job, as well...

Pootie Tang is the greatest movie ever! Wa-da-tah!

Donatos is the place to rock...great pizza, great service, pretty girls...and phones at the tables that you use to order your food. Very nice, indeed.

Three cheers for the Pants Dance!

I'm totally in the holiday spirit...it's soooo wonderful. Melo's all up in frigid weather, which i suppose is more appropriate, but i'm fine with the current temperature here. my floridabornandraisedass doesn't do too well with severely cold weather. of course...a light snow would be a godsend...and yes, it HAS snowed in florida before. it'd take a miracle for it to happen here...but one can dream.

so...my yet-to-see movie list now consists of Vanilla Sky, The Majestic, Not Another Teen Movie, and Ocean's Eleven. And Amelie.

Absent practice tomorrow? Let's hope so...

It's impossible for me to get a good night's sleep in this house. Either Kevin blasts country music out of dad's stereo system when he gets up...or Maverick runs away, and Kevin yells incessantly (with much futility) to get him to return...or something else happens. i LOVE my waterbed, though. it'd be sweet to bring it back with me to Gainesville.

artists that have cds that i now want: Apex Theory, Muse, Outkast.

"You can plan a pretty picnic, but you can't predict the weather."

Laur: hope you're on the up and up...lemme know what you think of the new Incubus.

Melo: thank you very much for the e-mail...hit me back...

Drew (not like you'll EVER read this): did you pick up rob's present yet? call me (like you said you would, and never did)

that's all for now...

"Get yourself together, man!"

::: posted by AJBrotz at 11:52 PM

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Wednesday, December 19, 2001 :::

today was...very ungood.

man. i'm actually depressed. i haven't been this down since...well, no offense to anyone, but i haven't been this down since Annie and I parted ways way back in the day. i'm cold...can't seem to keep my head up...can't think of any way to spend my time...there's no one to hang with...i haven't eaten but 2 slices of pizza from earlier today. typing this feels pretty pathetic...but i can't think of anything else to do. other than sleep.

while driving home today from brian's, i thought to myself that the only thing i really wanted to do right then was rest my head in the lap of someone who loved me...someone who'd take care of me. someone genuine. so few people are genuine these days...but i guess when i say "people," i mean girls.
not to say that guys are all genuine; i'm just concerned with finding a genuine girl, 'is all.

i remember feeling so much happier up in Gainesville - i guess it's the sense of freedom that's missing here. i mean..."all" of my friends are down here, so i should be happy, and be spending time with them...but no one has really called me; everyone seems busy with their own "stuff," or else they're out of town. oviedo is laaaaaame.

i guess i'm going to go sleep. if you read this and feel like commenting, i'd prefer a call.

::: posted by AJBrotz at 7:36 PM

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so it seems that lauren and i will not be doing anything to day, as we'd originally planned. actually, the original plan was to do something Friday, but well...that night went swirling. all in all, it doesn't look like i'll be chilling with her while i'm down here. and i'm almost to the point where i'm just numb to it.

brian, meghan, laur, and i went out to the altamonte mall last night. due to the uncomfortable atmosphere that brian and i were met with throughout our stay, we decided that we probably should have just stayed home and watched Pootie Tang (which we rented for free, cuz brian dropped a quarter in this little contraption that had notches scattered throughout, intended to knock the quarter to the side so that it would fall in water instead of on the small platform in the middle at the bottom. well, it just so happened that that quarter was a MAGICAL quarter, and it landed safe and sound, totally dry!). However, we did discover a WONDERFUL candle/body wash in a store called "The Body Shop." The candle was called Exotic, and the body wash was called Exotic Passion Fruit. oh man...sooooo good. my hands still smell awesome!

anyone have $1000 to spare? i fell in love with an amp yesterday while shopping for equipment with Will. It's a Line 6 Flexitone II. BEAUTIFUL tone...great distortion...tons of effects...100 watts...*orgasm* it's like...my ideal amp - with a semi-decent price tag, anyway. if anyone is feeling extra generous this holiday season, i'd do anything for you, in exchange for this amp.

there's a new post on www.saladfishman.blogspot.com.

hope everyone is in the holiday spirit...6 days...

::: posted by AJBrotz at 1:08 PM

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Monday, December 17, 2001 :::

8 more days 'till Christmas. pretty freakin' crazy, eh? i'm finally finished with all my shopping, and am flat broke; in debt, actually.

Lord of the Rings is Wednesday...can't wait for that. it'd be rad to get a group of friends together to see it, so if you're interested, leave me a comment, or let me know some other way.

brian's party was splendid...i had an awesome time just chilling with members of the original crew-Melo, Juan, and Frank-and of course, Raudebaugh, Brock, and Brian are wonderful. just...talking with everyone was great. Brock, Brian, John, and I jammed out with some Absent tunes, so that was rad...and everyone said we sounded pretty damn good...but my voice started to "go" after like, three songs...so that pissed me off a bit. i'm pretty sure that it's just because i'm out of practice, though. i gotta' get my vocal chords back into shape.

three cheers for Jimmy Eat World. what a great rock 'n roll band. ROCK AND ROLL, BABY.

just looked up my grades for my first semester at college. drumroll...

SOCIOLOGY: B+
FUNDAMENTALS OF MATH: C+
EVOLUTION, ECOLOGY, and BEHAVIOR: B+
FILM ANALYSIS: B+

GPA: 3.296

So. My thoughts. The final GPA is aight...my goal was to make a 3.0 to keep the scholarship, and that's taken care of. I'm fine with the grades in each class when i consider the amount of effort i put into each one...EXCEPT FOR FILM. A B+ in Film? In a writing class!?! Something isn't Kosher, here. I got A's on all of my papers, unless my final paper receieved something less; i haven't gotten the grade back yet. The only plausible explanation is that i missed three "required" screenings (movies screened by my professor). But still. I did the work...and i rented the movies that i missed...so it's BS. I'll be havin' some words with him when i get back in g-ville.

i guess i'm done for now...see you all soon...

"Sleep when you die."

::: posted by AJBrotz at 9:35 PM

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Saturday, December 15, 2001 :::

i'm taking a poll: Do you guys prefer dating, or being serious with someone...and why?

after giving it some thought...i've basically come to the conclusion that girls are dumb. how's that.

and lying is the worst thing a person can do.

and being two-faced is the worst thing a person can be.

;lkajs;ldhlasjglasvnpoaiwuer[qewujvopasndv;lkaseur[owuoe[mv

vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent


sooooooooo. i forgot to mention...about a week ago, i saw "The Beach," with Leo Dicaprio. pretty rad flick...very captivating. i'd like to see it again. i'm told that it bears similarities to "Lord of the Flies," but i never read that one...*prays forgiveness*

dammit lauren.

did anyone read those lyrics on my other site, or download "There is no if...?"

brian's party is tonight...so hopefully, that will help me get things back into perspective, after today's unexpected...whatever.

i already miss my apartment...

::: posted by AJBrotz at 1:04 AM

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Friday, December 14, 2001 :::

www.saladfishman.blogspot.com

::: posted by AJBrotz at 4:16 AM

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thoughts on absent

the past: in the very beginning, i couldn't stand it. i was disappointed with every show we played. maybe we started playing out too soon...maybe i was too hard on everything, like usual. regardless, i was pissed after most every show. and before most shows, i'd argue with frank about what he should or shouldn't wear on stage...blah blah blah. silly.
after a good number of shows...after we started to get a good response from our audiences, i let go a little. i enjoyed performing on stage more, and totally dropped any worries about what frank might be wearing. i just...did my thing, and i think everyone else started to relax more on stage, as well. 'twas a rockin' time.
when brock came aboard the absent bandwagon, i was totally psyched, but frank was less than stoked. however, after we had a couple practices as a fivesome, everyone knew that things would be fine. brock caught on very quickly, and although our shows together were less than perfect, it was fun, nonetheless. we received second place at the 3rd Annual Altamonte Springs Battle of the Bands (bands with at least one Brotz in them have either won first or second place in each of the 3 years of the competition's existence: 1st place for Unwelcomed Guests (Will), 1st Place for WiKid (me) and 2nd place for Absent (brian and me). ANYWAY. fun times.
tensions between frank and i festered. frank wanted the band's style to get heavier, whilst the rest of us were fine with the direction we were headed in (more melodic, with a heavy 'edge'). to make a long story short (i'm sure that you all heard the long version before, anyway), frank parted ways with the band, and will joined. why will? all five of us have an awesome vibe together. will has been wanting to join the band since...i dunno when, and after practicing with him, i'm confident that everything will work out fine.

NOW: brian, brock, john, will, and i are all ready to throw down. the only problem is that i'm up here, and they're all down there, in o-town. this makes practice opportunities very limited. however, if the guys still practice without me, i know that they can get tight as hell (there's always room for improvement), and i'll be practicing up here on my own for sure. as for specific comments towards myself and bandmates: brock practices more than any of us. as long as he's practicing his vocals, as well, i don't have anything critical to say here. however, his involvement in other bands worries me...ah well. raudebaugh is a mad awesome bass player...but i think if he let go more...if he'd just beat the hell out of that bass, it'd be hellabetter. also, practice practice practice. as for brian...brian's optimism for the band is awesome. i know that he practices like a beast, too...he's gotten SO much better than he was when we started out. however, i think he still has quite a ways to go-all of us do, but i truly feel that the qualities of the drummer and vocalist(s) often determine the success of a band. will's ability to quickly catch on is encouraging, and i know he's psyched to be a part of this band. i'm not sure about his stage presence yet, since he has yet to play an actual show with us, but i don't think it'll be anything that we wouldn't be able to fix-if it even turns out to be an issue. his ability to contribute to songwriting is yet to be seen, as well...but i'm confident that everything will fall into place with time. as for myself...i know that i have TONS of room for improvement on all plains. i'd love to get voice lessons, to improve my range and endurance. as for guitar, i'm fairly content with my abilities for the moment, but i still practice everyday. i've been wondering about how intensive my involvement with the guitar is going to be for the future of absent, though, since i've been pondering the possibility of switching over to a primary focus on vocals; not entirely, but...primarily. i dunno...

future: absent definitely has potential to go somewhere. 5 good-lookin' kids with talent, and a brand of music that would definitely get the attention and approval of metal/rock listeners everywhere if they were able to hear it. i do think that we need to get tighter...and we need to get a better handle on the vocal arrangment, now that the vocal responsibilties are on the shoulders of brock and me. also...john and i could use some better equipment. overall, though, i'm confident about absent's future. The Main Thing, though, is for us all to have fun. i really think that all we should do is concentrate on having a good time...and if something comes our way, so be it. i don't think we'll be able to let it all loose like that...but we'll see.

::: posted by AJBrotz at 3:19 AM

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Tuesday, December 11, 2001 :::

what a day, what a day. i'd definitely give it a ten.

keep in mind that when typing, i consider a "day" to be a full period of consciousness.

so, i slept in mad late, waking around 4:00 PM. i got on the road with plenty of room to make the start time of my sociology exam...everything's fine...i'm cruisin' along Archer Road, listenin' to some King's X...and my car dies. on Archer Road. so i quick throw on my warning lights, while i pray that i don't hit the bumper of the car in front of me. luckily, i roll to a stop before any collision can occur. i try to restart the car several times, but the engine just keeps rolling without success. cars are honking...going around me with hands out their windows...but i'm totally calm, trying to get through to my dad on my phone. i get ahold of mom-she tells me to call drew, have him come out and help me get the car to the side of the road, and call Triple A. so...i call drew, and he agrees to come out to help...and after tryin' the engine a few more times, it turns over.
so i make it to campus around 5, which is when the exam was said to be beginning. i cruise the parking lots; all spaces are taken. after circling around 2 lots several times, a space is finally freed up.
upon entering sociology, i realize that few people are in the classroom. i read the board, which tells me that the exam doesn't begin 'till 5:35. relief mixed with regret for rushing unnecessarily. the exam goes over with a bit of unexpected trouble, but all in all, i'm alright with it.

that's the only part of the day that i really wanted to go into detail with, due to its absolute randomness. i mean, RABIA is a pretty damn good vehicle; i never would have expected it to freak out on me like that...and i never would have expected to be stranded in the middle of traffic on Archer Road-probably the busiest road in Gainesville. so...that was pretty cool; i'm always a fan of anything out of the ordinary.

drew, rob, and i watched a pretty sweet movie on HBO tonight, called...well, i forgot the name. but the star was...amazingly pretty. sooooo pretty. not just "hot," or "sexy," or whatever; she was PRETTY. probably the prettiest actress i'll ever see on television. her name is Brittney Powell, i believe; lemme go check again...yep, that's the name. man...i'm just gonna' stop. the movie, by the way, was called "L.A. Johns." soooooooo pretty. great smile.

drew and i had a wonderful conversation after attempting to watch Magnolia; we had to stop cuz rob fell asleep, and drew needed to get to some homework...but drew and i wound up talking for a good...30 minutes afterwards, at least. reflecting on the past, as we often wind up doing...agreeing that we need to practice more action, and not just theory...talkin' about the future: career possibilities, dreams...sharing crying experiences...thoughts on death, and dealings with it...just...all kinds of stuff. it was great...i felt wonderful afterwards. thank you for drew...thank you. and thank you TO drew, of course. i went in to give him a hug after he'd retreated to his room-and i wound up scaring him to death after putting my hands on his shoulders (he was absorbed by his computer screen)-but it was fine; authenticity is always great. and i'm glad i didn't just pass up my want to just give him a hug as a result of it seeming too corny or whatever. "More action, less theory"

i've been working out a whole lot...soooo sore, but it's a good sore. and i'm still psyched by the thought of dreads.

i'm working on a new blog, so i'll post the addy whenever it's done. it's just going to be poetry and lyrics, since i've kinda' built a wall against that sorta think with this blog.

i'm actually tired tonight...rock on. one silly little paper to do later today, and i'll be completely free of any and all schoolwork. goodmorning...

::: posted by AJBrotz at 5:55 AM

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Sunday, December 09, 2001 :::

it's raining

God...it's so wonderful to sit inside with the windows open and just listen to the rain; it's absolutely beautiful. oh!-and there's a cricket that JUST started singing. All of this is happening while track 7 off of Sigur Ros is beginning. it's...bliss. and i'm so glad that i'm typing this while it's actually happening.

and cars drive down the wet streets surrounding our complex...and that cricket keeps singing...and the rain drizzles down the gutter alongside my apartment...and a group of friends is talking right outside my door, completely unaware of any of this. it's a gift...and only i can experience this, during this moment...just me.

and people doubt the possibility of a God.

i wish it would rain all night...

::: posted by AJBrotz at 8:25 PM

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Saturday, December 08, 2001 :::

i put Incubus's Morning View and Hoobastank's debut in my 3 cd rotator...and after several listens, i've pretty much come to the conclusion that Incubus have nearly worn out their welcome. I enjoy maybe...half of the record, and the other half just gives me a headache. TERRIBLE RECORDING QUALITY, which i cannot understand. and Brandon has resorted to yelling (not screaming, but singing very loudly) incomprehensibly on several occasions; there would be no way to understand certain vocal lines if the lyrics weren't included in the booklet...so this saddens me. as far as Hoobastank goes, i enjoy every song on the record, and after watching their video for "Crawling in the Dark," it's obvious to me that their stage show is much more entertaining than Incubus's. also, the recording quality is MUCH better than Morning View's-and it's not even THAT good.
S.C.I.E.N.C.E. will forever remain as one of the best quality recordings i've heard, and i just CANNOT understand how so many aspects of Incubus's music have gone down the tubes. *tear* "Nothing gold can stay..."

expect a listing of my favorite albums/songs/movies of the year sometime soon. props to Frank for making the idea available for theft.

how many of you will disown me after i grow my dreads?

math ends today. one last exam...which i have yet to study for. so...i'm predicting a very, very bad grade...but maybe something crazy will happen, and it'll wind up being insanely easy. one can only hope.

if anyone has any advice on how to best preserve/improve my voice, i'd be very grateful.
I swear...if i could only have one present for christmas, it would be an extended vocal range. in all honesty, there's nothing i want more than that right now-to sing virtually any note that i please. i HATE not being able to hit certain notes. HATE. so please...if anyone knows how i could best work on this...or knows of a special elixir or something that would help...or knows a specialist that i could hire...ANYTHING-let me know. Rock.

Meghan Hamblet is officially my bitch. her blog says so.

loreleia: i hope everything went well with the ACT...you've gotta' be able to come up here. there's no room for debate on this issue.

for anyone desiring a comment engine that's more reliable than ReBlogger, check out SnorComments at http://www.snorland.com/scripts/snorcomments/

saw most of a pretty cool movie last night, called Love Kills. deranged action/comedy flick with Mario Van Peebles and Daniel Baldwin, along with other faces that i've seen but cannot name. Seeing Mario with his dreads inspired the whole resurgence of a desire for my own. very cool, very smooth.

alright...i'm forcing myself to sleep. we're on the homestretch, guys...

::: posted by AJBrotz at 2:22 AM

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Friday, December 07, 2001 :::

Hoobastank VS Incubus: Who will win? I'm thinking Incubus; if not for musical value, then for Brandon's critically acclaimed abs.

SO CLOSE. Two exams left; only one that will receive any real stress from me. Sunday will be fully comprised of studying, but that's fine-as long as I rock that Sociology exam like no Sociology exam has been rocked before. It's crazy to think that i could manage a high-B in that class after missing so many classes and failing the first two quizzes.

...crazy to think that one-eighth of my college career could be done with already.

crazy.

Ocean's Eleven looks quite good...i'm dying to see it...but...yeah. tis the season to spendallofyourmoneyonotherpeople. which is always awesome; i just wish i'd win the lottery or something...but i'm really hoping to get a job at this record store around the corner that's just about to open, called Subversion Records. that'd be another of my dreams taken care of.

Jon Lovitz is damn funny, as is Dana Carvey. where did these guys go? if it were not for SNL reruns, i might have forgotten. not altogether...but...dammit. where are they?
and Joe Pesci (sp?)? where's he at?

watched Dazed and Confused last night with Drew. Decent flick...in fact, i might actually consider buying it because of the emotional effects that it had on me (high-school reminiscence) and the brand of humor that it employs. it's definitely one of those movies that i could only share with certain people, due to its intended audience. but anyway...great performances, and it was quite interesting to see Ben Affleck and Matthew McConneghey (or however the hell you spell it) at a younger age.

sooner or later, I AM GOING TO GROW DREADS...and i WILL improve the appearance of my muscles. i decided that my ideal physical status would be one similar to that of Lajon from Sevendust. check it out at www.sevendust.com, if you want. i realize that this may all seem atypical of me or whatever...but...it's late...and the truth (and nonsense) often comes out easier at times like this. comments?

time to sleep, so i can wake up at a decent hour to study math-one last time. goodnight...

::: posted by AJBrotz at 4:03 AM

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Wednesday, December 05, 2001 :::

running on zero sleep...again. got a 70 on my math exam last night...which guaranteed me at least a C in the class...so Rock.

3 Exams to go. Bio, Math, and Sociology. Bliss shall commence afterwards...i must celebrate somehow...any ideas?

man...if i ever get uninspired musically, all i have to do is throw on some Dream Theater. The talent in that band is incredible.

i haven't posted anything at all concerning the kid that lives in the room across from me, so i guess i should. Christopher Grimm. college dropout. wasting valuable space in a collegiate apartment. living like a hermit. leaving messes for Drew, Rob and me to clean up. getting pissed at me for having a problem with his inconsideracy. chris. my only gripe about living in the apartment. why won't the gods of obesity reclaim this beast and take him back to the realm of behemoths? i'll never know. that's my little ditty on chris.

i've been writing lots of quiet, major stuff with my acoustic lately. ...yeah.

in addition, i've been seriously considering restricting myself to vocals in absent, and NO, i didn't start thinking of this possibility when frank left. i've been tossing it around only recently. and once again, i've only been thinking about it. it's likely that nothing will come of it. any thoughts, though?

i'm starting to feel like this post is forced...so that's a definite cue for me to end it. 20 days till Santa comes to town, everybody.

-santa's little munky

::: posted by AJBrotz at 9:23 AM

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Monday, December 03, 2001 :::

today's song
Dream Theater: Hell's Kitchen
completely instrumental...a story in itself...amazing talent/songwriting...i am overwhelmed each time i hear it.

Question. When conversating, do you normally watch the other person's mouth, or their eyes? Really think about it...and if you have trouble deciding, ask yourself again after a day or two.
I'm discovering that I am a mouth-watcher.

walked/jogged/ran for 50 minutes the other day to get to the stadium (the bus doesn't come around as often on saturdays as it does on weekdays, so i got impatient)...and the Gators lost. intense game...but damn. at least the best team won...i suppose that's what's important. no roses for UF.

MOMENT OF HORROR: my cd player no longer plays Pink Floyd; the first cd of the 2-cd set Echoes, anyway. does it have a personal vendetta against Pink? is my cd player sick of my lack of appreciation for the countless hours of labor it exhudes in bringing me musical entertainment and enlightenment? OR...does the system simply need to be cleaned? You be the judge.

my ear. is killing me. reminds me of how absolutely terrified i would be if something ever happened to my hearing. i seriously might consider...something very irrational if the aid provided by doctors, surgeons, and such wasn't enough to restore it. i had tubes in my ears when i was younger (i used to get ear infections ALL THE TIME, and i think that the purpose of the tubes was to help drain fluid...i'm not exactly sure on the specifics; i should find out), and i've had an ear drum rupture (tear)...so...it is pretty freaky for me. music is absolutely essential for my happiness...and if i wasn't able to receive it with satisfaction...i'd go out of my head. we're talking Beethoven antics, here (after becoming deaf, Beethoven became...pretty odd. look up specifics if you're unfamiliar)...and probably worse. so...away, evil ear spirits...away with you.

i wish i could help brian out in some way...he's so stuck on gettin' a girl...same with brock. those two are so damn picky, though...and there's nothing wrong with that...but lamenting over lack of female companionship when there are girls that really want to get with you seems kind of silly to me. i mean, yes...everyone desires love...but if you search for it too hard...i believe it'll be harder to find than it would be if you just relaxed, and enjoyed all the other fruits that life has to offer. i'm desiring an appropriate famous quote here...but i can't find it. *insert appropriate famous quote here: ____________________________________________________.*

Sigur Ros is...inexplicably beautiful. Pink Floyd is wonderful. Listen to these bands, people.

watched The Crow the other night, for the ____nth time. such a good movie...wish they could make more like that these days. Also watched the Elephant Man, directed by David Lynch. GREAT MOVIE. just...go rent it. Anthony Hopkins stars. just...please. rent it, and watch it alone.
In addition, i just finished watching Almost Famous; also for the _____nth time. I love it...gotta' own it...

5 pages must be written for film class today. i have about...4 hours to do it (assuming i completely forget about sleeping tonight). i'm not worried about the writing...but my neck is really aching. so blah on that. while on the subject, i've recently come to the realization that i have a pretty long neck. agreed?

incense <-------is that how you spell it? regardless...i'm in love with them, and i know that i'm going to become addicted. i'll probably wind up getting an awesome "incense" holder, as well...of course, anything would beat my current one, which consists of a bottle cap filled with already-chewed gum to hold the stick. but man...it's great. it's amazing how the entire mood of the apartment changes with new scent. and it was perfect with Almost Famous...and it's perfect with Pink Floyd...it's just...i know that i'm going to be stuck on it for an indefinite amount of time. i just need more sticks. and a lighter.

alright...i really should get this damned paper done. only...9 more days. NINE MORE DAYS, and i'll be free of practically all stress for almost an entire month. and Christmas. *sigh of absolute joy*

Melo: forest green
Lauren: vivid maroon
Brock: smokescreen gray
Brian: dark blue
Crystal: comforting violet
Drew: red-hot red
JR: smiley yellow (lol, sorry bro...)
Rob: serious brown
Parents: water-reflecting-sunset orange
Frank: extremely-light blue
Axel: lavender

love to loreleia

::: posted by AJBrotz at 2:42 AM

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Friday, November 30, 2001 :::

Films Directed and/or Written by David Lynch that I must see:
Eraserhead
Elephant Man
Dune
Blue Velvet
Twin Peaks
Wild at Heart
Lumiere and Company
Lost Highway
The Straight Story
Mulholland Drive

Films Directed and/or Written by Richard Linklater that I must also view:
Slacker
Dazed and Confused
Before Sunrise
Suburbia
The Newton Boys
Tape
Waking Life

::: posted by AJBrotz at 9:47 AM

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WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO "BLAH"?

::: posted by AJBrotz at 2:11 AM

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Brak. I love you. You never fail to bring a smile to my face. Thank you.

::: posted by AJBrotz at 1:44 AM

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keys

inspiration

authenticity

humor

honesty

modesty

If each of these qualities is possessed, I do not see how love and happiness can evade one's grasp. These, in my opinion, are the roots; everything else desirable comes afterwards.

::: posted by AJBrotz at 1:42 AM

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Thursday, November 29, 2001 :::

i'm really diggin' Garbage right now...spinnin' all three of their albums. i love shirley manson's voice...all aspects of it, especially her lows...and the electronic-rock-acoustic-programmed-sexy-groove that the other three musicians (who each look to be in their forties) provide is grand.

I must find the New End Original debut, Thriller.

watched American Graffiti tonight with drew...i wasn't swept away, but it was a decent flick. that's...all i really have to say about that.

i cannot WAIT until this semester is over. an end to stress. ability to hang with my o-town friends who i love and miss so much. CHRISTMAS. ahhhh...my favorite holiday. and then...a new semester, with courses that have all the signs of being QUITE interesting. also, i plan to say hello to everyone on the bus during my first week.

my enormously sexy cousin brian has a blog, and everyone should give it a lick. www.briansloft.blogspot.com, or just click on that link up there.

i think that it's impossible for me to unabashedly be myself here. if i include whatever passes through my head in this blog, someone will wind up feeling left out, or not as special as another, or whatever...so i think i'll primarily reserve messages and comments intended for others until i can personally deliver them.

i can watch Comedy Central indefinitely. it's hypnotic, and endlessly entertaining for me.

"i want a girl that's just like me, but not like me."

::: posted by AJBrotz at 1:12 AM

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Tuesday, November 27, 2001 :::

awake with a tinge of something...chaotic renegade with a hammer singing this one today, just like yesterday, and the day before. not caring what i think, or what anyone thinks. stomach alive for the first time in decades...feeding off of thoughts thrown its way. emotions received. the scent of new is in the air...surroundings no longer as comforting...the longing for adventure has triumphed over all else...need to get away....make a move...experiment...drive drive drive drive drive drive drive. and stop. and meet EVERYONE that will accept greetings. do whatever i want. sing as loud as i want.
someday i'll visit iceland and develop my own speak. i should do that anyway.

::: posted by AJBrotz at 8:42 PM

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www.1000journals.com

www.wakinglifemovie.com

www.pinkfloyd.com

::: posted by AJBrotz at 3:01 PM

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'-.ACTION.-'

::: posted by AJBrotz at 12:58 AM

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Thursday, November 22, 2001 :::

HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!

::: posted by AJBrotz at 12:54 PM

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Monday, November 19, 2001 :::

songs
Pink Floyd: Fletcher Memorial Home
Pink Floyd: Bike
Sevendust: Trust

i pity anyone who did not witness the meteor shower saturday night. absolutely amazing, once in a lifetime experience.

The sky was completely clear above Paines Prairie. Tens, possibly hundreds of cars lined the sides of the roads. Upon discovery of a suitable place to park, Drew allowed White Trash to join the ranks. We exited the warm interior of old reliable (which, by the way, reaked of cat urine), and my bare feet were greeted by the night's frigid embrace. 5:30 AM.
Hendrix's Purple Haze initiated an impeccable soundtrack for our movie-esque experience. Every single surrounding element created an ideal scenario for early-eighties cinema. Once Drew and I were lying atop W.T.'s hood, bliss ensued (and no, I do not mean we engaged in sexual activity; there were simply too many people around for that brand of fiasco). In all seriousness, five seconds did not pass between streaks of stellar radiance. It was unreal, witnessing such incredible beauty that existed so far beyond my reach and comprehension. We could have stayed there forever, and should have; extravagance this pure and inspirational should never cease. How wonderful it would be if Paines Prairie held on to that night's divine atmosphere without end, so that one could visit at ANY time to witness the cosmic wonders that Haiku Drew and Munky Junky cherished from 5:30 to 6:45 AM on November 18th, 2001.

Into the distance, a ribbon of black
Stretched to the point of no turning back
A flight of fancy on a windswept field
Standing alone my senses reeled
A fatal attraction holding me fast
How can I escape this irresistable grasp
Can't keep my eyes from the circling sky
Tongue-tied and twisted just an earthbound mistfit, I

::: posted by AJBrotz at 10:22 AM

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Thursday, November 15, 2001 :::

ECHOES. THE BEST OF PINK FLOYD.

These 2 CDs are exactly what i needed. i'm in love. Melo, you have to get this...and anyone who has ever been interested at all in Pink Floyd should pick this one up. it is the perfect way to get into this amazing band. there is not a single track that i dislike. so...wonderful. i totally lose myself.


DEPECHE MODE. THE SINGLES. 86>98.

A refreshing change in speaker output. Tasteful techno with strong vocals and wonderful lyrics. Favorite tracks include "Walking In My Shoes" (which was recently covered by Finger Eleven), "In Your Room," and "Stripped." Definitely worth some quality listening time.


Along with these CDs, i picked up Aerosmith's "Just Push Play" for a little over 8 bucks, and TONS of free posters. all of my dawgs back home will be receiving at least one. The bands include Linkin Park, Deftones, Bjork, Coldplay, Gorillaz, P.O.D., Built to Spill, Bush, Staind, Tori Amos, and maybe a few others. Most are in surplus quantities, so if you'd like one, chances are you'll get it. Just lemme know.

pigs in blankets are fabulous.

some awesome recent pix of Absent will soon be up on the site (www.absent1.com), so be on the lookout.

Why can't i manage to talk to strangers? I always intend to...but it never happens. this will change, though. oh yes. i find it amazing that i could potentially be completely ignoring someone who could very possibly have the most profound impact on my life, if i'd only manage a mere "hello," or some sort of compliment to initiate conversation.

The Michael Jackson 30th Anniversary special was wonderful for me...and hopefully for anyone else that watched it. i thought it was done extremely well...and it was really something to see the original Jackson 5 up there, performing classics like "ABC" and "Dancing Machine." The modern artists' interpretations of Michael's old songs were entertaining, as well; i especially enjoyed Liza Mannelli (sp?) and Whitney Houston. Michael Jackson is just...i dunno. I'll always be a HUGE fan of his stage show and music. anyway...if anyone wanted to catch it and missed it, i have most of it on tape.

P.O.D. and Fenix TX tomorrow night! Crystal and I are gonna rock out to that shiznit. If anyone would like to come, tickets are like, 25 bux (including service charge), and if you meet me here in G-ville, we can go up to Jacksonville together. show starts at 8, i believe.

To everyone that i wanted to visit with this past weekend, but was unable to: I'm going to do my best to at least spend a few minutes with you over Thanksgiving break. Conflicting schedules suck the big one. Let me know which days you will be available, and when, por favor.

i'm off to eat some FISH sticks and Macaroni and Cheese. mmmmmm...

-pink mode

::: posted by AJBrotz at 6:59 PM

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Tuesday, November 13, 2001 :::

Circulation
Sevendust
Sevendust: Home
Sevendust: Animosity

what a rockin' band.

i damaged my foot. shades of red and purple do not go well with my right-sided walking mechanism.

drew and i washed our cars today while rockin' out to the new 7dust...and i was damn proud of the end result. RABIA is one sexy car when he's clean...and although QuiRAH (brian's new blazer, pronounced "kee-rah") is newer and has a sweet sound system, RABIA will always be my baby. oh...and drew's car...white trash...is...nice, as well...yeah...

My Spring Semester is planned out, finally. it would appear as though i have a death wish, scheduling 15 credit hours, INCLUDING A MATH CLASS...but i think i'll make it out of it all in okay shape. tuesdays will be "fatal," though; i'll be on campus for nearly 12 hours STRAIGHT (eight of those hours will be spent in classes). SO. Here's the skinny:

Film as a Narrative Art
Human Sexuality
Astronomy
Astronomy Lab
Pre-Calculus/Algebra
Concert Band

Madness, eh? It's a hell of a load... but at least all of those classes seem interesting, save for Pre-Calc. still can't believe that i'm taking a MATH CLASS...but at least i'll be finished with that shit when summer arrives. On with the schooling...

Absent has an extremely important show coming up on the 23rd of this month at the FBI (Fairbanks Inn) in Winter Park, AND ALL OF YOU ARE INVITED, along with ALL of your friends! the show IS 18 and up, though, so you youngin's will have to make fake IDs. if you need help, just ask my good friend Drew over here. Seriously, though, it will be an important event...Will's first performance as an official member of Absent.
No definite decision has been made as to whether or not Frank will be playing at all with us on that upcoming show. He has expressed a desire to, and we've all considered it, but differening opinions amongst the current lineup make this issue a difficult debate. All of us were hurt and angered by the comments Frank made in the past two weeks in reference to myself and the band; hell, at first, he told us right out that he didn't even care about ever playing a final show with us. of course, that's different now, and he has apologized for all of the comments he made...but it doesn't seem like our wounds have completely healed; some members are taking longer to recover, and others just don't care anymore. However, i think brock, john, brian, and i all agree that Will DESERVES to play this show exclusively...and not "share the spotlight," so to speak. He has been working damn hard, driving up here just to learn the parts, spending HOURS and HOURS straight, learning all the riffs, suggesting new ones...and he attended a practice that basically lasted an entire day...and let's not forget that he spent over 1,000 dollars on new equipment for the band. He basically learned 6 songs in 2 days. I realize that not allowing Frank a final performance with us might seem harsh...but if the entire band isn't down with it, it can't happen. If i felt like maybe Will wasn't ready to perform with us, i might reconsider...but the thing is that he IS. Will has surpassed my expectations thus far...and the vibe i felt at practice was...awesome. We are all really, REALLY excited about the future of Absent. As always, comments are welcome.

"I could be the one who would die to feel you breathe" -X-Mas Day, SEVENDUST

Michael Jackson on TV in 3 minutes! With his bros! JACKSON 5 REUNION! Rock on...

I've run out of things to say. Time to watch MJ.

"I could break into a million peaces so just run as fast as you can for me...you mean everything..."

-7

::: posted by AJBrotz at 9:16 PM

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ALBUM OF THE DAY (possibly year)
SEVENDUST: ANIMOSITY

I only have three gripes regarding this record.
1) The first track, entitled "Tits on a Boar." Unnecessarily heavy, simplistic, unmelodious, and angry. It doesn't fit the mood of the rest of the record.
2) The drums don't sound as crisp as they should. Snare should be louder and more distinguished...cymbals sound too much like paper (static-like)...overall, it's average, the drum track is average...which is a shame, cuz Morgan is a bad-ass drummer.
3) The booklet. It's just... weird. The strangest part is a fat slob of a man that is revealed when you take the CD out of the case. He's holding money, and has a nasty grin...lookin' like a circus master or something. It makes me feel like I shouldn't have bought the CD, you know? The whole "corruption through monetary and material consumption" thing. Maybe that's what they were goin' for. Sevendust has always been odd when it comes to visual representation...their videos have never made too much sense. But...yeah. Very odd pictures inside. Not very professional-looking.

Other than those 3 comments, the 3rd release from Sevendust is an enormous success. Lajon has a fantastic voice...and the guitars/drums provide the perfect atmosphere for it. The lyrical content is fairly simplistic, but quite emotional, and Lajon delivers it so well that he could be expressing a metaphor for a toilet flushing, and I'd love it. Rock on, 7...

I've recently been realizing how lucky I am, in almost every aspect of my life. The gift of music is an amazing blessing...I am grateful beyond words. To have the ability to MAKE MUSIC with four wonderful friends is...out of this world. When we were practicing on Sunday, sometimes, I'd just stop, and take time to realize what was going on...and understand that none of it should be taken for granted. Simply put, I have the best friends that I could ever ask for (you know who you are. if you are questioning it, then that should be enough to tell you that you are one of them). My family...my gratitude is beyond explanation. I am blessed beyond...beyond.

John's party was pretty damn crazy...if you weren't there, you missed out on a rad time. and NO, i didn't drink. i had 2 sips of beer, and a Smirnoff later that night, which is NOTHING. I just...didn't have the urge to drink, and the beer was AWFUL. I don't think i'll ever be able to attain the status of a drinker, as i straight-up dislike the taste of alcohol. after one wine cooler, i'm satisfied...and it takes quite a while for me to finish that. same goes for Smirnoff, and i don't enjoy it as much. so...yeah. there's that. but mad props to john for pullin' off an overall successful 18th b-day party. I still wish your cats would move out, though...

IF YOU STOLE JOHN'S KEG, YOU WILL DIE, COURTESY OF A FLAMING BUS.

I think i'm going to borrow frank's idea and attempt to sell some baseball/basketball cards on the net, or elsewhere. i have SO MANY, and all they do is collect dust. pretty old stuff, too. I am in dire need of better equipment for Absent. any donations would be greatly appreciated...

many thank-you's to Anne for revitalizing my blog's appearance...it looks awesome, and i promise to help with the rest of it!

"There was a rumor that Jesse Jackson was going to go over there to talk with the Taliban. Apparently, they were having trouble rhyming the word Jihad." -Jay Leno

::: posted by AJBrotz at 3:25 PM

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Thursday, November 08, 2001 :::

Song of the Day
Foo Fighters: Walking After You

well, today seemed to be completely against Blogger AND ReBlogger...but BlogBack was working!...but no one commented on my most recent lengthy post. "you make me sad."

melo: i don't have the words...just wanting to give you a hug. seriously. for several minutes.

brock: i love you, man...go make a ridiculous face in the mirror and say "googleymesh pancake man" 5 times...each time louder than the one before.

laur: I tried posting comments several times today, but...ReBlogger was an asshole, and only accepted part of what i wanted to say. to finish it: "SALADFISHMAN FOREVER! oh, by the way...we both know that i'm sexier than that drew guy. much love and anticipation..." speaking of drew...

drew: love u, buddy...even if you are one of the strangest persons i know while you're waking up. thanks for everything

anne: your blog rocks HARDCORE. i'd love for you to teach me your ways. also...if you could go look at Orion's Belt for a little while, and reflect on all the great things in life, i'd love that.

ax/jen: don't forget to keep me up to date with the partays...we'll try to do something again this monday night!

jr: Happy Birthday again, my adult friend...lookin' forward to having a BLAST saturday night...

brian: i wish you read this stuff...but anyway, on the off-chance that you might get severely bored and check this out: miss ya', cuz. good luck with 13.

so...i'll be planning my 2nd semester of schooling this coming tuesday (the same day ANIMOSITY from SEVENDUST is being released!!!), and i'm nowhere near knowing what classes i'm going to schedule. i want to stay in English...and i'd like to continue an emphasis on film, since i enjoy it...but i'm not certain on which direction i should take, exactly. also, i'd like to incorporate some music classes, as i'm definite in wanting Music as a Minor...i just hope that the classes are offered this coming semester, and that i haven't missed the auditions. GOD time flew by. maybe i'll take astronomy...or human sex...or both...blah. i need to talk with someone in the know...but time is like, GONE. stress stress stress...but stress is SO much easier to deal with when i'm in possession of an adequate amount of sleep.

watched Halloween tonight at drew's film screening...typical "slasher" movie, but done much better than anything that's coming out these days. i say this in part because i watched Thirteen Ghosts the other night. it was BAD. reminded me of how horrible The Haunting was. FX were awesome, and the idea of having thirteen separate ghosts with their own identities was cool...but...very poorly done, overall. started watching Joy Ride...seems to have potential. we'll have to see... also watched Rushmore again this past Monday night. GREAT movie. i love Bill Murray...gotta download Ghostbusters 1 and 2.

Does Everyone Realize That It Is Almost Christmas? I am seriously having a difficult time comprehending this...

downloaded The Colour and the Shape...Great Foo Fighters stuff, but i may prefer There is Nothing Left to Lose. not sure yet. i definitely enjoy their softer stuff more than their up-tempo stuff...Walking After You is such a wonderful song.

if some of you could go back and read my post that starts with musical recommendations and words of the day...and leave a comment of some sort...i'd really, really appreciate that. sorry to beg...but...it's important to me.

"the only thing i'll ever ask of you: you gotta' promise not to stop when i say 'when'."

::: posted by AJBrotz at 1:36 AM

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Tuesday, November 06, 2001 :::

please read the previous post...

::: posted by AJBrotz at 10:14 PM

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__________________________________________________________________
musical recommendations
sevendust: x-mas day
far: nestle
-----waiting for sunday
lifehouse: simon (except for the "ladadadada" part)

words of the day
linger
cartilage
multitudinous
authenticity
__________________________________________________________________

all that we really see is skin, cartilage, hair, calcium, and bone.

this sickens me...that we humans draw judgement and conclusion from this. definitely one of the behaviors i wish that i could change...but no matter how i fight it, i am - we all are - animals. there is no getting around it. and everything is attitude; you can view the state of man as a curse, or a blessing. there is obvious and neverending conflict between free will, free thought, and animal instinct. no matter how hard one tries, one cannot erase the natural tendencies he or she is born with; will and thought are flexible and changing, while basic inborn drive, desire and need are constant and unbending. i have come to the realization that there are three levels of existence, and although i know that this is already established, or may be incorrect due to previous scientific study, or whatever, my little theory here satisfies me for the time-being. the three plains of being seem to be Animal (basic), Hybrid (human), and Independent (divine). Animals are purely associative, Independents are truly free from any biological/physical restraint, and Hybrids are the middle-ground.

this raises a few questions for me...such as, are Independents among us all the time; Independents being ghosts, angels, spirits...whatever...? my answer: sure, why not. there is no way for us to be certain, according to the above theory, since we Hybrids are restrained by biological and physical means, and Independents are not. this leads me to believe that Independents have no outward appearance. GOD, how beautiful that must be...that's utopia, right there-or at least a component that would undoubtedly exist in a utopian setting. I say "sure, why not" in a somewhat apathetic tone because there is no way to know the answer for sure...so there shouldn't even be any attempt from our end to discover the truth here. of course, this is where faith comes in, because given the theory, it is absolutely possible that Independents are here...hell, maybe one is right next to you, watching you read this. who knows...but i find it extremely comforting to believe in this possibility. i guess i have a need for something beyond comprehension. without this, everything seems so used to me. nothing sacred...except through my own personal experience, which is, of course, wonderful in its own right...but...bah, i think you all know what i'm trying to get across here. i just hope that I will remember what it is when i next read this entry.

I'm reading all of this over, and it seems that some of it may be out of order, and might flow better if i rearrange some of the sentences...but i'm typing all of it as it comes to mind...so...maybe i think in an unorderly fashion. either way, i'm leaving it unchanged, for the sake of authenticity.

i have multitudinous assignments due tomorrow, and because i have finally realized that some sort of schedule or routine is necessary for me to get along with decent grades and health, i am going to end this post with reluctance...and confidence, as well, with the thought that i may accomplish a respectable amount of rest tonight.

thank you for your forgiveness...

-munkyjunky

::: posted by AJBrotz at 9:34 PM

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alright...i guess something was conflicting with my attempt at maintaining two comment services...so i got rid of ReBlogger (due to it's frequent instability) and am solely relying on BlogBack now. i think this is the way to go...we'll see.

::: posted by AJBrotz at 5:19 PM

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dammit. blogback is the bitch now, and reblogger is working. what the hell.

we had a BLAST tonight! Juan, Jen, Axel, Rob, Drew, Chris, Mr. Cuervo and I all had our own little party...dancin'...partial nudity...jumping into a pool in 50-degree weather...good old-fashioned family fun. and it was all caught on tape.

gotta go...more later...

::: posted by AJBrotz at 3:20 AM

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Saturday, November 03, 2001 :::

2-way points = 1,568 6/11 points, +311 3/7 points from yesterday. Good Job, Drew! TWO-WAY FOREVA

okay...i know that the comment thingy at the bottom of each post now looks like "Commentcomment comment" or whatever. the "Commentcomment" part is for ReBlogger-the comment engine that i have been using exclusively up until now. the second part, the "comment" with the space and/or number in front of it, is for another comment engine called "BlogBack." my reasoning for this is that ReBlogger can be an asshole...and i don't feel like having all of my comments erased again...so...this is where the ball is passed to you. you can comment in either of the 2 comment things...but it might be better to start posting most comments on blogback. whateva...the power is in your hands. the only drawback of all of this is that i'll no longer be able to see how many comments have been made with Re-Blogger...but now it'll be a surprise each time i check it. rock.

I am abandoning my previous statement that any quote without a credit belongs to me. i will be posting quotes that appropriately express my feelings...and i'll leave them without a statement of who the owner is...so...yeah. there's that. also...grammar rules shall be bent for a while to come. i've stopped caring as much.

Gator Growl was extremely disappointing...but Dave Attel is a pretty funny guy. check him out on his show, Insomniac, on Comedy Central. Jim Bruer (the guy from Half-Baked, and "Goatboy" from SNL) was horrible. not funny at all. i'm pretty sure that he was stoned...fitting, yes, but man...i might have laughed twice. the rest of the time, i was just terribly annoyed.

new Sevendust arrives soon...11/13/01

Crys...you rock...it's awesome having you over so often. come anytime you like! i'll be picking up our P.O.D. tix monday (!!!)...the show is gonna rock our asses off. can't wait...

drew, juan, and i reviewed the footage from the infamous Island trip. GOD, that whole experience was so wonderful...i can't wait to go back, because i know that i'll be able to appreciate all of it more this time around. i'd really like for the entire original crew to come along again...and possibly a few more special individuals (we'll see)...but i know for a fact that drew, john (woodward), and i would go tomorrow if we could. good times...good times and noodle salad...sitting on the shore...escaping everything with the inifinite calm of the tide.

it seems that i have a pretty serious regret...while still believing that everything happens for a reason...so there's my opinion on that subject (found in my last post).

keep talking about regret? okay. sex drive, while still apparent, is nowhere near as strong as it used to be. it's like...i enjoy victoria's secret commercials...but i'm not...excited by them. yyyyeeeahhh. i'm forcing these thoughts out of my mind whenever they arrise...unless they're in correlation with true, undeniable feeling. this happens in...one scenario. *pause for stomach*

GlassJaw is raw as hell...just wish that the lyrics were more accessible.

Absent needs to get busy, dammit. an idle band is never a good thing. never.

"These things that we too soon forget...collecting dust...spiderwebs that grow and grow 'till there's nothing left, except for shreds that you can't quite call evidence that i had a life before today; see, i forget things i associate with pain. I think it's time that i start to look back on my life..."

dum y rob eres muy comicos y...burritos...? baristas in tus pantelones!

Far was a glorious band. go buy their second cd, "Water and Solutions."

hope wshs rocked it hardcore at FBA...

i cannot get u out of my mind. my stomach is turbulent. i'm sorry...i'm sorry.

"Demons in, demons out..."

::: posted by AJBrotz at 9:48 PM

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Wednesday, October 31, 2001 :::

"Even when people sleep together, they're all alone." - Jean Luc Goddard's Breathless

wishing that a few more comments could have been made with regard to my last entry...

sex drive = ungood, and yet, "to deny our own impulses is to deny the very thing that makes us human"

should i even attempt to defy nature? i seriously want to...but i am afraid that it may be doomed from the start...ah, the hell with it. i am breakin' out the big guns and going for it.

Sociology is really opening my eyes as to who i am, and how i have become. my parents are responsible for SO MUCH of my characteristic make-up...and although i am infinitely grateful for the vast majority of it all, there are definitely some traits that were passed on that i wish were not. drew, i am becoming less and less conservative by the day.

if one truly believes that everything happens for a reason, then there is no room for regret.
thoughts?

frank and i finally reached calm waters...and i came to terms with myself on certain personal habits and blindsided practices which i prefer to make excuses for rather than confront and change (but it is all so subconscious...to the point where i actually need people to bring things to my attention in order for me to realize them...so yes, this is something of a cry for help).

HAPPY HALLOWEEN! "Like, BOO, man..."

Rumors Lounge is no longer hosting concerts; Absent will have to find a new "haven." perhaps somewhere...*GASP*...downtown?

juan is coming up tomorrow...can't WAIT for that. that kid is special. one of my favorites.

is there a noun for being genuine? something like...genuinity...or...bah, i do not know. it just seems that there should be one. something better than "authenticity," although i have resorted to that word several times. PLEASE COMMENT...this dilemma is driving me insane. *the irritants of an "english major"*

do something scary today. freak out your roommate. frighten yourself with the assistance of a mirror. go watch a horror flick-but make sure it is a decent one...something genuinely disturbing (some suggestions: the Exorcist, Event Horizon, Requiem for a Dream, Stir of Echoes). tp a house. trick or treat if you want to; age is purely physical. go Halloween caroling. jump off of a roof into a pool. whatever you decide to do...de-stagnatize your blood.

"One, two, Freddy's coming for you...three, four, better lock your door...five, six, grab your crucifix...seven, eight, better stay up late..."

happy haunting...

::: posted by AJBrotz at 10:15 AM

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Monday, October 29, 2001 :::

Incubus: 11 AM
Incubus: Nice to Know You

Dammit. I am so weak, it is not funny.
Lust is the devil.
I really wish that I did not have a sex drive. Seriously. It would make my life much easier...much less guilt-ridden...and much more enjoyable in honesty and purity. It is like what one wise comedian said on television once: if I did not have a sex drive, I could be myself.

I am getting back into the swing of correct grammar usage. No contractions (I'm, isn't, we're, etc.), capitalization where appropriate, and whatever else comes into play during typing sessions.

Once again, I am running on 1.5 hours of sleep (at best). This is just sick.

The Gator game this past weekend (vs Georgia) was hellafun...it was great to spend time with my family in an unfamiliar setting. The best part of it all may have been getting reacquainted with Scott, the first real friend I ever had in Oviedo. Him and I grew up together in my neighborhood back home, but since he attended a different high school (Oviedo, COUGH COUGH), we kinda' lost touch. thus, it was awesome reminiscing on the way to and back from Jacksonville. Memories are the ultimate; especially when you can share them with someone, and have long forgotten ones resurface during conversation. The CRAZIEST part of the whole weekend, though, was where we sat during the game. Our seats were located in the lower upper bowl, I believe, but we were as low as it goes; there was no one in front of us-just a short glass (plexiglass?) boundary with a metal bar to prevent any falling over the edge. Although our view of the field was superb, I felt extremely uneasy for the first few hours. I have always feared heights, and I believe that I always will; it just doesn't seem like something I would ever be able to defeat. This setup, our seats and our view, was the perfect fuel for my fear; a golden-gate-esque bridge in the distance to the left, a harbor of sorts outside the stadium to my right, and SKY. GD SKY. I swear...I am more comforted by looking down than I am by looking up. But the bridge was the worst...seeing those tiny cars drive so far upward, high above the water...*shiver* Man. But the strangest part of it all, and I am fairly sure that this is accurate, was my internal desire to quickly stand up and hurl myself over the edge of the plexiglass boundary. NOW, what the hell does THAT mean? It was completely FEELING, not thought...but the more I thought about it, I realized that it TRULY was an instinctive inclination to jump...to fall. I was completely intrigued and utterly terrified when I realized this at the stadium, and the more I pondered this phenomenon, the stronger it got...so I found another way to occupy my mind; I got some food, and concentrated very closely on the game. Is this some kind of weird foresight? A sign? There have always been two things that I believe to be explainable only by a previous life, or by some kind of premonition of fate: the terrifying, deafening silence in a certain series of recurring dreams I have had (there is more to them...but it is so fucking difficult and trying to explain), and any real-life experience that creates a direct connection with the feelings associated with those dreams. The terror that I felt this past Saturday rivaled that which I have receieved in those dreams. Maybe it is just some weird chemical-oriented thing in my brain, or maybe it is all a result of some forgotten, traumatic childhood experience; I am sure that I will never know. It is, however, important enough to note and at least attempt to understand to some degree, due to its intensity and absolute horror.

Or maybe the whole thing occurred to get me into the Halloween spirit.

I am still very curious as to who "An Admirer" is. This person's post is one of the main reasons that I continue to post as frequently as I do. BAH...it is so freakin' frustrating when people leave their identity a mystery.

Extreme happiness tainted by worry accompanies the thought of Brian's recently reignited hope for love. He and a certain someone in New York have been keeping in touch over the internet for about five years now...and they recently broke new communicational ground with webcam chatting (lol, what IS this world coming to?)...ANYWAY, she is extremely attractive, and a little younger than Brian, and for some reason, it seems to me that there could be something substantial between the two of them. I could be completely wrong here, but it just feels like there may very well be a strong connection between them. So, not thinking clearly, I gave Brian a brief synopsis of my thoughts, and now, he, too, has developed a similar sense of hope. As he put it in a post on the Absent guestbook, he believes that he "may have found the one to last a lifetime." Further, Brian and his family are visiting New Jersey and New York this Christmas...coincidence? Could very well be...but for Brian's sake, I hope not. If this all falls through, I am going to feel horrible, and fairly guilty...but everything happens for a reason, so even if it does not work out, I am confident that the whole occurence will have set something else in motion with regard to Brian's inevitable lovelife.

While on this subject, the four people that I most want to acquire rockin' female companionship are Drew, Brian, Brock, and Raudebaugh. Drew definitely has his shit together and is ready for a serious, intimate relationship. I believe that the last three have a bit more self discovery to do yet...but I also believe that one is never truly finished discovering his self. Perhaps the right girl would help? I know that I, myself, would not mind this...

I may be getting sick again...which is horrid, since Absent has a show Wednesday night. I AM GETTING BACK ON TRACK this week; after the final performance of Absent's original lineup.

The weather has gotten far too cold for my taste. I prefer cool, summer wind, not frigid-ass, cut-through-your-skin wind.

-nostalgia

::: posted by AJBrotz at 11:51 AM

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Friday, October 26, 2001 :::

okay...in reference to Blue Velvet...i am still not sure how i associated it with James Dean or Nicholas Ray. I know that it came up in class in some way or another...we have been focusing on Ray and Dean, lately...and i have probably been averaging about 3 hours of sleep a night...so...something got mixed up somewhere. my apologies for the inaccuracies.

went "clubbing" for the first time last night, although we only went to one club...which was actually just a piano bar, called Alligator Rocks. it was entertaining...2 fat guys sitting across from each other on their own pianos, covering classic songs of old along with some new stuff. basically, it's a good place to get buzzed/drunk and sing along. however, since crystal and i are under age and had no connections, we did not have an amazing time. we did sing along to quite a few songs...but...i think we both felt a bit out of place, being sober and all...and i know that crystal was wanting to go somewhere where dancing was the primary activity, so...next time, we'll have things prearranged. all in all, though, it was a fairly decent first experience of "the scene." there are some aspects of it all that i'd like to go into depth on...but i am running on maybe...1.5 hours of sleep, and my eyes are sticky, so i will get that up here next time.

"i'll get that up here next time." this reminds me of the Italian Neorealist article that i said i would post samples from, but completely forgot about. i promise to do this soon.

i think we will be seeing a pretty significant decline in the amount of posts i put in here. the computer has always been my main distraction from schoolwork...but its impact has never been as drastic as it has during this first semester at college. i am getting ridiculously bad grades, all due to my procrastination and laziness. it is completely unacceptable...i KNOW that i am cutting myself short...i KNOW that i am better than this...and i KNOW that if i wind up with less than a 3.0 this semester, i will lose my scholarship, and will thereby lose my neck. SO. The internet is the devil, and i am going to place a severe limit on this satanic ritual.

u know...i think i will just go ahead and post a few portions of that Italian Neorealism essay right now. It is entitled "A Thesis on Neo-Realism," and was written between 1952 and 1953 by Cesare Zavattini. ENJOY:

"There is no doubt that our first, and most superficial, reaction to daily existence is boredom. Reality seems deprived of all interest as long as we cannot succeed in surmounting and overcoming our moral and intellectual sloth. It is, therefore, not surprising that the cinema has always felt the "natural" and practically inevitable necessity of inserting a story into reality in order to make it thrilling and spectacular. It is evident that in this manner one could spontaneously excape from reality; it is as if nothing could be done to prevent the interference of the imagination."

"...imagination, in its own manner of functioning, merely superimposes death schemes onto living events and situations."

"The task of the artist-the neo-realist artist at least-does not consist in bringing the audience to tears and indignation by means of transference, but, on the contrary, it consists in bringing them to reflect (and then, if you will, to stir up emotions and indignation) upon what they are doing and upon what others are doing; that is, to think about reality precisely as it is."

"Heroes create inferiority complexes throughout an audience. The time has come to tell each member of the audience that he is the true protagonist of life. The result would be a constant emphasis on the responsability and dignity of every human being. This is exactly the ambition of neo-realism: to strengthen everyone, and to give everyone the proper awareness of a human being."

I would like to post more (and perhaps i will at a later date), but i feel that one would have to read the entire essay to understand the other main fragments that excite/intrigue me. One other significant point made by Zavattini that i will take time to summarize is the reasoning for the lack of Italian involvement in "the war;" i'm not sure WHICH war this is, as i am absolutely horrible with history (drew, you'll have to help me out here), but it must be one of the World Wars. MAN, i am an idiot. anyway, Zavattini goes on to explain how "war always violates those fundamental human needs and values which are so dear to us." If anyone is interested, i am sure that i could get you a copy of the essay in its entirety. all in all...ITALIANS ROCK.

-help

::: posted by AJBrotz at 9:18 AM

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Thursday, October 25, 2001 :::

stinging eyes

in all seriousness, i am very upset and disturbed by the deletion of the comments that used to illustrate my blog with the colors of all my friends. it was all actually quite important to me...and i just can't fathom someone randomly choosing blogs to delete comments from. apparently, there was no other way for the "webmaster" to maintain the site...but...i dunno. that just can't be. there must have been another way. it just isn't right. it's like tearing pages out of a diary. i suppose it's all fine, though...no point in regretting that which cannot be helped or salvaged. i'll start anew...we'll start anew.

man. i am REALLY tired. i hate beginning these things with such intent and ending so quickly with "i'm tired." i just hadn't posted in quite a while; anything of substance, anyway...so i wanted to get SOMETHING up here.

purchased "Morning View," the latest release from Incubus, today...i'm diggin' it. pretty mellow stuff goin' on here...definitely check it out.

SEVENDUST is still amazing me. i think i've pretty much downloaded the entire album; there's no way to check, since the official release date isn't until November 13th (which seems far away, but really isn't...GOD time flies.)

Absent is really exciting me lately...it feels like a brand new band. i feel much less repressed...like, my creativity no longer has the restriction it had when Frank was a strong contributor to the songwriting. That definitely sounds harsh...but what can i say? it's the truth. i always held back, in...fear (?) of increasing the intensity of the frown Frank directed towards my melodic tendencies. an ironic tinge to all of this is that between yesterday and today, i've basically finished what i think is probably the heaviest song i've ever written on my own. very excited about that. also, brock has some awesome stuff cookin' in his musical kitchen back in o-town...brian has been utilizing the 'net to send me samples of rockin' beats he's been putting together...and raudebaugh...well, raudebaugh is goin' thru some trying times right now, and i definitely sympathize. you'll get through it, bro...what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. i'm sure it'll inspire you to write some sweet lyrics, too, so if you become inspired, let the words fly!

all in all, i'm extremely pleased with how we've all come together as a band in light of the recent unpredicted occurences. it seems that frank has a fairly decent grasp on which direction he wants to go musically, as well...so that's awesome.

crystal's visiting later today, and her and i are going clubbing! RRRROOOOOOCCCCKKKKK.

everyone, if you haven't already, go watch "Rebel Without a Cause." Bask in the glory of James Dean's incredible persona...man, i'm completely intrigued...and the chick in the movie is pretty damn hot, too. but seriously...James Dean was one special guy. i'm gonna' have to check out some of the other films he was featured in, i.e. Blue Velvet. also, a teenage Dennis Hopper plays a role in "Rebel," so watch with prying eyes.

"I'm floating down the river..."

::: posted by AJBrotz at 2:43 AM

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Wednesday, October 24, 2001 :::

WHERE. DID. ALL. OF. MY. COMMENTS. GO.

::: posted by AJBrotz at 6:33 PM

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Monday, October 22, 2001 :::

Frank:

I want to wish you all the best in your future musical endeavours...i know that you'll find a more honest way to express yourself in another band...and i know it'll rock. there's no hostility in the band towards you...and i hope that it's the same from your end of the spectrum...but i can understand if it's not. my main worry in all of this is that these recent happenings might have hindered our friendship, and that, of course, is most important to me. shit, we've been tight for what...5+ years? we've had some awesome times...been in some awesome bands...u kicked a soccer ball full-force into my head...i failed to warn you of the dangers of 2 girls you had previous relations with; i could go on. you've played an important role in my life...and i know that that sounds...whatever...but yeah...love u man. thanx for the memories...hope things are cool.

-alan

::: posted by AJBrotz at 4:42 PM

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TooL. Coldplay. Liquid Tension Experiment 2.

and

M.A.H.B.

thank you so much...immediate mood swing back to sunrise sensation. still aware, but smiling.

melo...grazzi for staying up late and happening upon my blog. annie, as well...

and to Anne for sticking with me through this...INTERESTING night: the rollercoaster rides on.

::: posted by AJBrotz at 1:26 AM

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Sunday, October 21, 2001 :::

too much stress.

Absent, School, Apartment Life, and Intimate Relations have become leeches...sucking away all of my energy, causing me to be irritable, depressed, and overly exhausted. I do not need any lecherous affiliations. However, each of these elements also provides the supreme excitement and satisfaction that is existent in my life. SO, the logical course is to eliminate the infections in each of these drastically important areas of my life. Of course, this is not an easy task when the enemy is embodied by the ally.

If only exorcism could be performed upon the afflicted by an anonymous source.

i am a perfectionist. i know NO other perfectionists. this is a problem.

when i meet a beautiful girl that is a perfectionist, enjoys music, is intelligent, has an optimistic view on life, and can physically share music with me in some manner, I think i will know that i have met my match.

how can i play in a band that does not include a single perfectionist? i do not know...

i cannot see myself playing in a band like Absent for a career. i need EVERY MEMBER OF THE BAND to be participating for the beauty and benefit of the music, NOT THEMSELVES, and THIS CIRCUMSTANCE ALONE should electrify and enthuse the musicians beyond explanation. ignorant stubbornness and foolish pride is absolutely ridiculous and should have no part in the creation/performance of music. i could go on and on here...and i'm sure i will in some future writing, or blog, or whatever. but that's enough for now.

now, do not make the misconception that i think myself to be perfect, in light of all this perfectionistic talk. i realize SEVERAL of my flaws...and believe me, I am my harshest critic. that is the God's honest truth, and it is the reason why i feel cursed. but i deal, and often pride myself on my incessant self criticism. it is constructive; thus, it is justified.

i have been pondering an interesting outlook on suicide that was proposed by a good friend of mine. while i believe it to be strongly flawed, i can understand how she feels it to be justified in 2 of the 3 scenarios she discussed. once again, I DO NOT AGREE WITH SUICIDE; rather, i can relate to the mindset where it would seem like a viable alternative to living. and i have not the first clue why i typed that. i suppose it provides more pieces to the puzzle entitled "ME" that i am trying to put together.

perfectionism. disease...blessing...curse...gift...detrimental...positive...

will i quit Absent sometime in the near future? perhaps. do i want to? no. is it the only solution that i can see? no, but it is the only one that i would be able to enforce on my own.

school. the idea of school supplies me with hope for the future. however, i am afraid that if i pursue my future occupational desires, i will be pursuing them alone. this consequence would be externally and internally enforced, since my area of work would only satisfy me if I had full control of it, and it is unlikely (however hoped for) that i would run into someone that shared the same loves, outlooks, and attitudes as me towards music. right now, the only person i know that comes somewhat close to that ideal is Brock...

and i feel that this entry was a healthy exercise.

-i don't feel like talking...i feel like listening to something of substance. i feel like laying on the beach, and not moving at all, allowing the tide to wash over me with whatever force it sees fit. i feel like going somewhere COMPLETELY unfamiliar for a year, with no familiar contacts. i feel like falling indefinitely. i feel like laying beneath a waterfall; again, without movement.

::: posted by AJBrotz at 10:06 PM

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Friday, October 19, 2001 :::

DAMMIT! EVERY TRACK I'VE DOWNLOADED FROM THE NEW SEVENDUST ALBUM, ANIMOSITY, IS AMAZING! Seriously...this is a big thing for me...i'm not hearing ANY mediocrity here. Every song sounds like it was worked on for at least a month. The Georgia boys have definitely hit their stride. it's freakin' great...MAN. I CANNOT get over this. Could this be as good as it gets? Lajon has one of the best voices out there...Morgan is one of the tightest drummers in the modern rock scene...the new guitar harmonies are perfect...EVERY aspect of the recording sounds clear and beautiful...!!!!!!!! November 13th better get here damn quick.

That's all for now...get to downloading, people. You WON'T be sorry.

-obsessed?

::: posted by AJBrotz at 1:03 AM

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Thursday, October 18, 2001 :::

music soothes even the savage beast

Red Hot Chili Peppers: Californication, Porcelain
Deftones: Mascara, Be Quiet and Drive


highlight of the day: went rollerblading in absolutely beautiful weather. I plan to make this a regular occurence...but we all know that i'm not the most steadfast (sp?) person when it comes to keeping schedules. on my way back home, i stopped and observed some cows for a while, almost just to do it. i swear, lately, i'm starved for true inspiration, and i know that it's everywhere...i'm just tired of the monotony of routine and daily surroundings. SO, i spent some time watching the cows in the "University of Florida Beef Teaching Unit" along 23rd Street. honestly, i could have done it for an infinite amount of time, if it hadn't been for the damned traffic. TOO MANY CARS HERE. This also hindered my enjoyment of the actual rollerblading, as skating alongside loud, fast-moving weapons with wheels is not exactly my cup of tea. anyway...absorbing the natural, untainted behavior of the animals really brought me back down to earth...and i immediately wished that i could share this with someone that i could KNOW would appreciate it; but then, i thought it over again, and decided that i'm not quite independent enough lately to experience this sort of thing with someone without doubting their enjoying it at the same level as me; even if they were. does this make sense? to me, yes. also relevant is that some things are truly meant to be taken in alone...and i'm certain that this was one such occasion. sometimes, i just wish there was a female replica of me, someone that would know what i'd think before i thought, how i'd respond before she asked anything, which cow was my favorite, etc. someone that would think that this post, although unordinary and somewhat "silly", was beautiful as well. and as i type this, i dig the whole. it's cool, though, cuz i'm only looking down it. i haven't slipped in yet, despite the warm, familiar blanket of darkness and safety waiting anxiously at the bottom and along the walls. i think i'll walk the circumference, and stray a bit, in hopes of finding someone/some inspiration to help me fill it up again.

Roberson is such a special kid...errr, my bad: ADULT. seriously, though, i couldn't have asked for a better "surprise" roommate. he has consented to giving Dum and me latin dancing lessons; so far, i really think it's gonna' pay off, and who knows? maybe there's hope for Dum after all! that'd be great if we could all go out to a club and just tear the floor up. Lord knows that that's a long ways away, if it's even possible, but it's an exciting thought. we'd be three sexy swingers.

speakin' of clubs, we'll be hitting up Gator Rocks tonight, which is basically the most happening club in town. it's a piano bar, but EVERYONE goes on Thursday nights, so needless to say, i'm quite psyched. i just hope that i don't wind up chillin' at a table, self-confined to observation and contemplation. i'd like to dance...and i'm thinking that everyone there will be fairly wasted, so i probably won't even look that bad. hell, maybe i'll do some cool shit that i didn't know i could pull off. bah...we'll see.

Violet: 311, Drew, NOW, the outside world, night/stars, the unknown, myself

Red: dancing, Frank, alumni bbq, "love"

Blue: Lauren, M&Ms, Windows XP, my acoustic guitar, sleep

Yellow: Anne, my monkey lamp, Will

Green: Melo, Absent, Roberson's family

I shouldn't have done that whole procedure this time through; I'm too tired to accurately associate.

_____________________________________________________________
press on, dull intrigue
"monotony" means nothing to you, yet, you are one and the same
pinch my eyes
i won't flinch
unfortunate reason being reality, unchanging, known
Get Unfamiliar.
_____________________________________________________________

-capable?

::: posted by AJBrotz at 2:41 AM

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Wednesday, October 17, 2001 :::

songs/albums include anything and everything from 311

damn, what a rockin' concert. an upcoming new band, called "onesidezero," opened up for 311...and were quite impressive. reminded me of Absent a lot, with moody melodies, 3 guitars (!!!)...only they were a good bit tighter than us (which frustrates me). anyway, the singer was awesome...great voice, both singing and screaming...and i know that that sounds like this band is just nu-metal, or whatever, but...they really aren't. very good stuff. my only gripes, really, were the lack of structural diversity in the songs; many sounded very similar. however, this made the unique ones stand out even more. the band is definitely slower, more moody than most new "metal" bands...blah, i HATE describing bands. just LISTEN to them. go on Morpheus and download some shiznit. 2 rad tracks to check out are "Holding Cell" and "Instead Laugh." the website is www.onesidezero.com. lemmie know what you think.

speaking of websites, CHECK OUT THE NEW LOOK OF WWW.ABSENT1.COM !!! Many props and much respect to my good friend john radford. nice work, indeed.

311 was extremely entertaining...played all the hits, and several tracks from their newest release, "From Chaos." GREAT STUFF. Drew and I were rockin' out...bobbin' our heads, jumping, falling off the benches...well, fine, that was only me, but anyway, moving on...the best thing about it all was that i DANCED to this stuff. usually, my physical reactions to the shows i experience consist of head-banging, jumping, etc...and that was all here, too...but i was actually dancing during this one; or trying to, anyway. i just let it all go, didn't care how ridiculous i looked...and shaked my thang. jookin' this way and that...it was great. i think i'll incorporate some of it into my on-stage antics with Absent. back to the show, though...the boys were extremely tight; the solos (drums first, bass later) were AWESOME...the light show was crazy...the "o-dome" filled with bubbles during one song...and confetti was shot into the air during "Beautiful Disaster." Which brings me to the encore. after playing their "last song," which was "Freak Out," they took a break for a little while, and we all screamed for more. Drew and I were sorely disappointed that they didn't perform "Beautiful Disaster," but knew that it HAD to be coming with the encore. Nick and S.A. came back out, and played "I'll Be Here A While" acoustic. it was absolutely wonderful...i love that song. they followed that up with full-band performances of "Beautiful Disaster" (hell yeah, bitch...my inspiration for playing dual guitar solos in Absent) and "Fuck the Bullshit" (!!!). awesome awesome awesome. the whole performance turned out to be much more than i could have hoped for. everyone in o-town: 311 will be performing Thursday night at UCF; if you don't already have tickets, GET THEM, and enjoy a tight, fun-filled show. ROCK.

so, i just downloaded some stuff from OneSideZero...and...unfortunately...i've realized that they were a good bit better live than they are on the recording. However, it's still good stuff...and i still recommend downloading the tracks that i previously mentioned. they do NOT sound like Absent, though. maybe it was just a certain song that i heard them perform live...i dunno. anyway...rock on, and respond afterwards.

"If you have to release bad news to the public, it will help if you are not ugly." -Mitch Hedberg

i'm really sleepy, and have to get up in less than 5 hours...so i think i'll call it a night. or morning. whatever.

but first...HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ROBERSON!!! THE BIG 18!!! WELCOME TO ADULTHOOD!!! Everyone, respond and let Rob know that you care :)

chizow...

-exhausted

::: posted by AJBrotz at 1:28 AM

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Tuesday, October 16, 2001 :::

discos compactos
P.O.D.: Satellite

melodies
Sevendust: Crucified
P.O.D.: Anything Right
Further Seems Forever: New Desert Life
Absent: 51%

weeeeeeeeeeeee, NEW SEVENDUST ROCKS. man...everyone has probably heard "Praise" by now on the radio, but i found "Crucified" on Morpheus...and it's freakin' kick-ass. probably one of the best tunes i've ever heard from the Georgia boys, aside from "Fall;" if you haven't heard "Fall," DOWNLOAD IT. it's from the Scream 3 soundtrack. ROCK.

"51%" is the new one that Brock, John, Brian, WIll, and I put together with the acoustic jam session saturday night. i worked on the chorus for quite a while earlier today with my four-track...and i think it's gonna rock really hard. i'm loving the riffs and harmonies in it...some of my favorite stuff yet. we should be playin' it on Halloween at Rumors Lounge, so...EVERYONE COME OUT FOR NEW ABSENT!

In other news...P.O.D. is still kickin' my ass.

so i've decided to give up online conversation; at least, 85% of it. emphasis will be placed on in-person and telephone conversation. too much time invested in online "interaction" is NOT a good thing; certain elements of personality are brought out in extremely comfortable atmosphere...and these elements SHOULD be included in telephone conversations and actual face-to-face discussion. the internet provides an faceless environment void of superficial fears; these fears should be confronted, not avoided. all of it just widens the gap in personal communication. so i'm ridding myself of this evil. i'm joinin' the club, melo.

a thousand "thank you's" to RC for being there for me, and MAD LOVE AND APPRECIATION TO DREW for sticking with me thru all of last night's "festivities." you're the man...i owe you big time.

Mitch Hedberg is the funniest man alive. well...one of them. he "all encompassingly" reminds me of Brock, who is probably one of the funniest kids i know. "I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long." "I'm against picketing, but i don't know how to show it." "If your friend was a tight-rope walker and he fell down while crossing the street, that would be completely unacceptable." funny shit...download, my friends, download. trust me.

i'm going to sleep...TALK to you all soon, and feel free to call me anytime on my cell. you all should know the #. if you don't, just e-mail me. goodnight...

-peaceful?

::: posted by AJBrotz at 1:58 AM

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Sunday, October 14, 2001 :::

I've been meaning to ask this question FOREVER to anyone who might have the answer:

WHAT DOES THE "H" in "JESUS H CHRIST" STAND FOR????????

::: posted by AJBrotz at 8:42 PM

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albums of choice
Further Seems Forever: The Moon is Down
Skunk Anansie: Post Orgasmic Chill
P.O.D.: Satellite

P.O.D. man...great stuff. I'm lovin' it. it fits...all moods. gives me a little *gasp* hope for rap? i dunno. i mean...they just prove that it can be done effectively. the music is AWESOME, though, and lotsa genres are scattered throughout the disk; reggae, rock, nu-metal, rap-metal, hardcore, alternative, instrumental, pop-metal...it's all rockin', all positive, and very polished, yet raw. i swear...this is the MOST IMPORTANT DETERMINING FACTOR OF MUSIC: whether it's raw, polished, or both. both is beautiful. anyone understand what i'm saying here? (this is a plug for a comment from you, folks.) i hope i don't just sound like a floundering fool. ah well...it makes perfect sense to me.

WORD TO MY DAWGS THAT VISITED THIS WEEKEND. Will, Brian, Brock, Raudebaugh, Crystal, Gorang, Hector; you kids rock. it was cool to show Hector and Gorang around campus a little bit...would have been cool to have them stick around a bit longer, but ah well. next time. Having the rest of the aforementioned crew here was AWESOME, though...wish that they could have stayed longer as well, too...but i suppose that good things come best in sporadic (sp?) dosages. things kinda lose their shine after prolonged exposure; familiarity is never as exciting as the mystery and newness of the uncommon/foreign/you know what i'm saying (right?). it's like when you buy a cd and listen to it a few times, and then force yourself to put it away for a while. when you spin it again at a later date, it's very refreshing, with a tinge of the sensation that was with it when you heard it for the first time. conversely, if you listen to it nonstop for an elongated span of time, excitement fades, and the tunes become less special and more like background music. does anyone follow me here?

anyway, we had a blast...we went out to UF's Bat House with a flashlight 3 different times between the hours of 10 PM and 3 AM (at least, i think that was the approximate range) and upon approaching the house, subtley (sp?) taunted its inhabitants with the lights. they'd swoop over our heads and freak the shit out of us...but it was awesome. probably the highlight of the night. also, we kinda aided in a fender bender while walking along the street downtown...but it wasn't our fault! You see, we can't help bein' so damn sexy (Will, Brian, Brock, John, Crystal, and I), so these chix in a car started yelling at us, so we yelled back...and they kinda forgot that cars were in front of them, i guess...so they screeched into the back of one. it was pretty crazy and strangely funny, witnessing it...but i mean, neither of the cars' passengers got out, so i'm sure everything was fine. back at the apartment, 4/5ths of Absent (frank being...well...absent from the group) and Will rocked out some mad phat acoustic jams...finished the composition of a new Absent song (it's BADASS...can't wait to add distortion, fx, drums, and the vocal arrangement.) this one is along the lines of Recurring Eclipse, but slightly heavier, i think. it's rockin' though...awesome melodies. yeeahhhh, booooyyyyy...

oh, one other interesting thing: Crystal and Brian slept together, in my bed. hehehe...i wanna see what controversy this stirs up. forgive me, crystal and brian...at least you'll feel special from the attention :)

man...P.O.D. just makes me bounce... "BOOM!"

Further is soooooo nice. great slow stuff...great lyrics. MUSIC man. Music is so unspeakably important.

Brock is one talented kid. i'd really like to do a lil side project with him...softer stuff...him vocals/guitar, me drums/vocals (?) it would rock. damned distance.

"I'm thinkin' 'bout forever...missin' you...I know you're so much better...you made it through." -great song. "thinking about forever" by P.O.D. how many times can i say it; this CD kicks ASS.

apprently, my father is helping drew right now outside of denny's house back in o-town; drew's car, "WHITE TRASH," has died once again. according to Anne (who i miss like crazy...love you...), the starter is actin' up. in the words of Zamere (sp?) from Office Space "Piece of shit! I swear to God, one day, i kick this thing out the window!" I think he'd be better off with a really fast moped or somethin'. regardless, no vehicle he ever possesses will challenge the superiority of RED AND BLACK INDIAN ATTACK. Bow down, neega...

and if drew starts shit with stupid-ass comments about this ex-girlfriend and that ex-girlfriend and my current girlfriend and my ex-girlfriend's ex-boyfriend's friend; i dunno what i'll do. i'll run away. or i'll shut my door and never open it. or i'll never answer my phone. perhaps it shouldn't bother me...and sometimes it doesn't...but it does make me kinda uncomfortable...i mean, regardless of current circumstances, there are still feelings and memories inside of me that relate to that which he speaks of in jest...yeah, they're basically dormant and gray, but...they're still there. blah...i'm a sucker. but that's factual, and i don't see this part of me changing...so...whatever. let them talk. and i am sick of bein' annoyed, so SUBJECT CHANGE:

*tear falls*- what may very well be my favorite record from Stabbing Westward, "Darkest Days," is kinda scratched up, so sometimes, my cd player has a hard time recognizing it, and won't play it. 'tis horrible.

looking for a laugh, or two, or one million? download some stuff from comedian Mitch Hedberg. the guy is hilarious.

i'm starving...and my film is probably ready at eckerds, so i'm gonna go maintain. until next time...

-stable?

::: posted by AJBrotz at 5:19 PM

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Friday, October 12, 2001 :::

and on goes my first all-nighter. the sad thing is that i wasted the majority of it procrastinating, conversating with people online, eating doritos...blah. it's currently 5 in the morning. i'd be waking up in less than 2 hours, so i don't see the point in sleeping. i'm wishing that i was a coffee drinker...but i have yet to consume a single cup. i always viewed it as a cheap way out; NOW i see its usefulness. i've been snacking on Mini M&Ms, but...they aren't lessening the stickiness of my eyes. or the severity of my headache. and Anne has disappeared. she's an absolute angel for having stuck with me thru most of the night, helping to prepare me for the morning's Sociology midterm...but i still have lots of material to cover. i HATE myself for procrasinating...but i hate the material even more. it really isn't captivating at all...it's all stuff that i know connotatively, just not denotatively. well, denotation can suck my ass. and my professor is a maniac. if i fail this test, i'm going to shoot...someone. i see myself as at LEAST getting a C. If i earn a C, i'll be content. anything less, i'm gonna go fuckin' insane. this class was supposed to be a breeze. it's turned out to be a tornado. WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING, first of all...freakin' 8:30 AM. classes at and before this time should be outlawed. wuttabuncha crap.

while on the topic of school, i should mention my recent decisions toward the future of my schooling here. i believe that i'm going to shoot for a double major-business and photo-journalism-and a minor in music. afterwards, i'd like to attend the University of Miami and score a degree in Recording Engineering. this way, i'd be completely set for life. decent jobs would be secured, i'd have all the know-how to run my own studio; i'd likely move to California to employ my polished talents. this seems like the place i'd enjoy the most geographically, as well...beaches, mountains, mad-crazy urbanization...it's all there. however, i still have a soft spot for Boston...so, we'll just have to see how the cookie crumbles.

Anne is back, so it's back to the books for me. more later...chizow...

-crazy?

::: posted by AJBrotz at 4:13 AM

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