Wednesday, September 26, 2001 :::

So, did everyone enjoy the quiz? Hope so...those of u that didn't cheat, anyway. Props go to Brian and Annie, who currently hold the non-cheating scores of 250 and 180. I think everyone should make one of these quiz things...very high entertainment value.

I was SOOOO bored online today that i decided to download songs that include the word Absent in them. Interesting results...a few metal bands, some really old jazzy stuff, an awesome slow song by a band called Neve (entitled Absent), and some other quirky stuff.

Herbert~Bodily Functions Good techno stuff, with an awesome jazzy female singer. very well done...has been compared to Bjork's latest (and best, in my opinion) cd, Vespertine. check it out...

Okay. "blah." i know that you're reading this...i'd really like to know who you are. i always look forward to your comments, but i'd like to be able to respond directly to you. if it wouldn't do too much damage to your purpose, honesty, intent, or authenticity, i'd love to make your acquaintance.

HALLOWEEN HORROR NIGHTS, PEOPLE. I NEED TO KNOW WHO WANTS TO GO. Seriously, this is no joke. time is runnin' out for discounts...PLEASE e-mail me, call me, post a comment here...whatever. just find a way to let me know what date is best for you, if you're able to go at all!

__________________________________
swift sprite, glittering
with grace beyond comparison
the sky is your stage
entice, entrance
enter this space
absent of gravity
intertwined
_________________________________

BEWARE OF SALADFISHMAN.

squishy squishy squishy squishy squishy squi-AND THEN SHE LOOKED. horrified, entranced, aroused, i gravitated aimlessly, and landed on a carrot. how thoughtless of me! next time, i'll remember the seashells. I'll never forget again. Send my regards to the antelope.

Just experienced the new Michael Jackson video...'twas DAMN LONG, in the tradition of his past video-epics. perhaps he does have a chance at a comeback? i hope so. hell, i'll buy the new record. INVINCIBLE, in stores October 30th.

FRANK: i need my Michael CDs back.

ABSENT: except for brian, you kids owe me 8.75 each fo' da Olan Mills pix.

RC: i'm extremely glad that we're talking again...GET BETTER! And I'm ALWAYS here for you. You'll make it through. Can't wait for you to visit! Prep your pillow for kombat!

ANNE: thanx for mirroring the nonsense; you read me so well! no one ever responds to my jibberish so appropriately...everyone either tires of it, or thinks i'm a freak. SO MUCH IN COMMON. carayzee. never forget SFM!

WILL: it's gonna happen, man. the beast will leave eventually, and we will team up to rock Gainesville.

-squishy?

::: posted by AJBrotz at 8:23 PM

(0) comments

Test your knowledge of the infamous MunkyMan with this quiz...lemme know how you do...



http://myquiz.coolquiz.com/myquiz/myquiz.asp?QuizNum=1292570842

::: posted by AJBrotz at 1:22 AM

(0) comments

Tuesday, September 25, 2001 :::

Albums of the Moment:
Spineshank~The Height of Callousness
Incubus~S.C.I.E.N.C.E.
From Zero~One Nation Under

I'm in a rockin', melodic mood, as the above-mentioned records may suggest. Incubus achieved their peak with S.C.I.E.N.C.E.. i'm basically convinced that the whole metal-convoluting-to-rock thing just comes naturally with age and experience. I can definitely see myself toning my style down as time goes on...but not to the extent that Incubus has shown! I mean, damn...you'd at least think that they'd make better use of their talent, but it seems that they've opted for lazy rock songs...which is fine for most audiences, i suppose. hell, i know they're gonna go multi-platinum with Morning View...and they deserve it...but, well, i guess i'll just always miss the days of my favorite album from Brandon and co.

Big Math exam tonight...i'm fairly sure i'll do just fine, just a few concepts that need clarifying. going to class is such a waste of time, though...it's freakin' pathetic, shit like GCD, LCM, prime factorization...blah. blah blah blah.

Sleep is a beautiful thing. i managed 10 hours last night. TEN! that's like, 5 TIMES as much as i usually get! crazy...

For an awesome description of Absent's best show ever (@ InsanityFest), go to www.wholefnshow.blogspot.com or just click on "Frank's Blog" at the top of this page.

Leslie's visiting tomorrow, so she'll be the first girl from out of town to venture into our humble abode...AND, Will will be here visiting, too...so, we'll see if anything comes of THAT. but i doubt it. it should be an awesome time, though...i'm lookin' forward to it. and then, 2 days afterwards, i'll be back in Orlando. GOD, i can't seem to stay up here for any reasonable amount of time! but it's not like my recurrent visitation isn't justified...Brock's b-day party is saturday night, so it's only right for me to be there and perform with my bruddas in Absent. an added bonus is that i'll be spending a little time with MM friday...so, as long as i manage my sleep-time, and i keep on track with my school work, i should be just fine.

DUMB AND SKEETER NEED TO GET OVER IT AND HOOK UP. i know that they're hot for each other...laughing at queer (no pun intended) hours of the night, teaming up and accusing ME of being gay...always making special note of when i say "ass." they really should get past this monotonous foreplay and move on to the friction. just...quietly. that's all i ask.

and to that person that wrote that whole post concerning..."that person" :) I feel exactly the same way you do...i don't want to be tied down, and i don't want you to feel like you are, either...i had just thought, originally, that we'd be able to maintain a status slightly more than friends...like, with definite potential for dating whenever I, or you, visited...and it's fine that that label is gone, and we're just really good friends now. like you said: who knows what will eventually happen. i know that we still have something, even if we constantly doubt the possibility, but it's absolutely best for us to follow the path you proposed in your blog. you made sense through your nonsense :) honestly, it was all very approprate and explanatory in its lack of organization. so, thank you :)

How do I feel about MM? MM is cool, smart, sweet, and funny...and cute...has some issues, but all of us need them, i feel...to have substance; to remain human. however, we have yet to spend much actual, physical time together, as 95% of our discussions have taken place online, and online interaction is by no means the most reliable or highest quality standard to concretely base assumptions and hopes on. not that i'm necessarily hoping for anything just yet...it's just that we have a lot in common, and i think we could have an awesome friendship...and i don't see much that would prevent more, if that was to come to be desired by both parties...bleh, this is silly...

i wanna add stuff over in the left margine of my blog, so if you kids know how to help me out with this, lemme know; i'm tired of bugging the same person for all of this info...she ROCKS, though, and i wouldn't be anywhere on this thing without her! ROCK ON, JEANNIE! everyone lick her blog, too...click on it at the top of dis one.

finally ordered "The Man with the Movie Camera" on dvd...it shipped out today, so it should be here soon...probably next week. i can't wait...what an amazing creation. EVERYONE, FIND A WAY TO GO WATCH THIS MOVIE, and be patient, because it'll definitely be worth it when it concludes. but...maybe i shouldn't be saying all of this, because as of yet, i haven't shared my love for this movie with anyone...so...maybe i'm an exception, and the movie ISN'T all that amazing? NO, this cannot be. the movie is superb. however, it is definitely best experienced on a huge screen with awesome sound. crucial, this is.

Halloween Horror Nights. Kids, the time is approaching. I really need to know who all wants to go, as well as what dates they'll be able to go, ASAP. regular price is $48 plus tax, but i may be able to get some discounts, first come, first served. it's gonna be badass...so everyone, plan ahead, and let's rock this, baby!
HALLOWEEN HORROR NIGHTS INFO:
EVENT DATES: Oct. 5-7, 11-13, 17-21, 25-28, 30-31, Nov. 2-3
EVENT HOURS: 7 pm - 2 am Friday & Saturday nights; 7 pm - midnight all other event nights.

alright, that's enough...gotta do a little studying. be well...

-prepared?

::: posted by AJBrotz at 5:25 PM

(0) comments

Monday, September 24, 2001 :::

Songs of the moment: "War in Me" by Kenna
"The Moon is Down" by Further Seems Forever

Remember the last time you read an up-to-date post from me? "It's been a while...but it doesn't seem like it." comments on that infamous quote are welcome :)

This is my first websurf on an on-campus computer. i dunno y i typed that. seemed noteworthy.

SO. I stayed up till freakin' 4:45 this morning, talking to Anne and attempting to study sociology for the "pop quiz" we were supposed to have today. I get 2 hours of sleep, get to class early, and what happens? this chick walks in and says "hey guys, class is cancelled. your professor is sick." my initial reaction is YEEEEAH BOOOOYYY...but then I remember how frickin' late i stayed up preparing for this shiznit, and i pray that i'm still asleep...or able to somehow go back home and nap 'till my next class at 12:50. no luck. however, after stopping for breakfast at KFC, i met up with a guy named Matt from my sociology class. he's actually a really cool kid, contrary to my initial impression. We got to talkin', and it turns out that we're both avid rock fans of the purest breed. his fanatical involvement with bands is similar to mine in that we're both all about grass roots...his main hobbies are writing beats and mixing (he's a DJ...DJ Handyman), and discovering new music-which is what i'm ALL about. I told him about Absent...his reaction seemed authentic, and he even offered his talents if we ever desired a sampler/dj. SO, we're gonna' swap cds wednesday, i believe, and we'll see how it goes from there. haven't actually listened to his stuff yet, though...check it out at www.mp3.com and lemme know whatcha think.

Anne is a pretty awesome kid...possibly worthy of a Holy Moley one of these days...we'll have to see about that, though, as the sacred Holy Moley is only dealt to a select few. We share several interests, enjoy the same breeds of music and movies, and...well...we've both got a lot of mojo. note to Anne: what happened last night? did you fall asleep at the keys?

ABSENT IS THE GREATEST BAND EVER. man, we rocked the hizouse saturday night, and although the mix apparently sucked, it really wasn't of much consequence, cuz the turnout was huge, and the crowd's response was awesome! we even got 2 series' of chants (ABSENT! ABSENT!); once before we began, and once after the set's conclusion. I love playing with the guys so much...i think those shows are my happiest moments these days. but this time around, it was...it was like i've read about, to a certain extent...artists being moved by the crowd, realizing that this is without a doubt how they want to live their lives. when a crowd loves you...sings your songs...gets physically and emotionally lost in the music; it's the best feeling. it's like nothing else in the world. I CAN'T WAIT TO PLAY HARD ROCK LIVE.

"The moon is down, Heaven is waiting for us to find her..." -Further Seems Forever

Hanging with my old-school friends back home was possibly the best part of the entire visit. I love them so much...Juan, Melo, Will, Crystal, Cliff, my brothers in Absent...everyone that i established a bond with during HS. It seems that physical distance causes one to forget just how closely bound together we are by the ties of friendship. I'm SO glad that everyone's still able to get together and spend time with each other; it's inexplicably important. I know that we'll always be tight, regardless of how far we live from each other. However, we truly should all move to Boston after college...that'd be the ultimate. it'd be the perfect movie. who wants to come along?

I didn't fully realize how much i'd missed melo till we started jammin' out in the car to new tunes...in so many ways, we parallel each other...but it's a fact that we can't spend copious amounts of time together without intermissions. or maybe the island trip was a fluke. i dunno. but one of these days, we'll put that to the test again. and there will be a boxing match. oh yes. i know that we all long to revisit the island...and we will.

i think i recieved my first true dosage of homesickness last night. while attempting unconsciousness, it felt as if, for a brief second, i was in my waterbed back home, and i could see my air purifier in my closet (which, in reality, was blanketed in darkness near my apartment's bathroom, save for the two operating lights that will always be familiar). However, what always brings me back to the now is the position of my bed; the wall used to be on the right side of the bed, and i'd roll off the left side. now things are reversed...yet sometimes, i still reach for my stereo's remote upon waking up, only to be greeted by a cold, hard wall. don't get me wrong; it's not at all bad here...it's great, in fact. it's just...not home.

GREEN: Anne, pizza, Matt, Kenna, Jimmy Eat World, Absent, video games, that ONE glorious spot on the ride home with exasperating, refreshing forestry and purity.

RED: (nothing)

BLUE: home, my room/waterbed, mom, dad, melo, Absent, my true friends back home, the island.

YELLOW: U.T., dad, absolute honesty, walking to the mailbox back home with the appropriate key on my keychain.

Lack of sleep is truly taking its toll. I have to beat this...that's all there is to it. there's no other option.

"Take me for the rose I am...lay yourself in my bed again...showered and covered in petals of red." -Kenna

-awake?

::: posted by AJBrotz at 9:54 AM

(0) comments

Wednesday, September 19, 2001 :::

WARNING. THIS POST IS CRAZY-ASS-LONG.

songs of the moment: "Hell Bent" and "War in Me" by KENNA

look! down there! at the bottom of the page? see it? it's a counter! *sean connery accent:* "the day is mine!" html is no match for human intelligence, hahahaha...so now i'm addicted, and want to learn more! more cool things to click on and look at are necessary for ultimate enjoyment!

well, i achieved approximately 2 hours of sleep last night, due to MAD CRAMMAGE for my first collegiate exam (evolution). i'm hoping for a B, an A would be absolutely GLORIOUS, and anything less than either of those will make me cringe. i crammed way too hard for this punk to wind up beating me in the end. and yes, perhaps it would be justified in doing so, since i did in fact HAVE to cram, due to my excellent procrastination skills, but...still. the lesson is learned. i'm tired as hell, i've actually hallucinated a few times today (get this...this guy was holding branches-one in each hand-and i mistook them for his arms. i think i actually flinched upon viewing it. shortly afterwards, i explained this to Drew, who responded with a claim that my shoe was on fire. AND I ACTUALLY CONSIDERED THE POSSIBILITY AND LOOKED DOWN AT IT. boy oh BOY), and my equilibrium has been a bit off. sleep is a necessity, that's all there is to it...the body truly cannot function properly without adequate amounts...and unless you're wanting to trip without drugs, it can be kinda freaky. take all of this as you wish (i laugh...but then again, i'm still experiencing sleep deprivation).

SOME BREAKING NEWS: BLOGGERS ARE RAPIDLY INCREASING IN POPULATION! All of my friends have jumped on the bandwagon, which is great, cuz know i can stay up-to-date with their happenings. it truly is a great idea, this whole online journal thang. i'll have a link up soon, but until then, go check out www.wholefnshow.blogspot.com. 'Tis the site of the more radical embodiment of Absent (MY BAND, IF YOU HAVEN'T CAUGHT ON YET...WWW.ABSENT1.COM), mr. frank costa. remember...he's that kid that gave that speech at that graduation at that school that one time. do yourself a favor and give his blog a lick.

to sleep, or to shop...i wanna go find "The Man with the Movie Camera" and purchase the masterpiece...but so sleepy...

will, my cousin, is moving up here in december. the only non-Lataliano in this apartment, chris, is wanting to move out, but not 'till freakin' AUGUST. i want this to work out somehow...but it's like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. if only the peg could be molded...like clay or something. it'd be soooooo awesome to have will living here with us...it'd enhance the already awesome aura that the 3 current Latalianos exhude. PLUS, i'd have someone to go clubbin/partying/chillin' with, since rob is still 17, and drew is...well, drew has alternate ways of achieving personal excitement and...i suppose the main conflict is that him and i are too alike; we'll go for, and enjoy, the ride, but if neither of us takes the initiative, we get nowhere. now with will, i know that he'll bring out the more carefree side of me and feed it with his own. but...it's not looking good at all, him replacing chris. damn chris...and i wouldn't mind so much if i enjoyed chris's company, but he's messy as hell, he doesn't associate with us, he hibernates in his room, and...well, if you want more, just ask. argh...it just doesn't help the Lataliano spirit; in fact, it often hinders it. will will will. you need to come up and kick chris out. it's as simple as that. like that solution, drew? HOW ABOUT YOU LEAVE A COMMENT PERTAINING TO IT?

that's another thing...people, if you spend the time required to read anyone's post on this blogger thing, why not spend a few more seconds to let them know what you thought about it? communication is all-important. the difference it makes in someone's attitude when (s)he realizes that someone left a personal note for him or her can be, and almost always is, huge. take the time, people, take the time.

ever since i wrote that one poem...the "2:16 AM" one (if you're interested, it's a few posts back on this blog)...i've become so timid at the thought of writing more. it's like when i think about Intentions...i dunno how the hell i wrote that song (the majority of it, anyway...yes, frank, you helped with the solo...props), but i love it...and i'm always kinda worried that the stuff i write now and in the future won't quite match up. i compare it to the caliber of the material that usually appears on the debut cds of awesome bands. usually, these cds are the purest, most honest records that come from an artist (unless it's shitty, rehashed, corporate shit), and the records that follow are good, but they're missing something...you know? anyone know what i'm talking about? this isn't always the case...but i find it to be a common disease. Please...SOMEONE fill me in on your thoughts concerning this subject.

New topic. Girls. i don't wanna seem trite with this subject, or akin to the typical guy, or whatever...but i never post about this sorta thing. SO. here's the specific area of concern: when talking with past significant others about current prospects, should one expect the other to feel uncomfortable...and be okay with that? i used to always think along those lines...but...here: if a relationship is going to be successful, friendship must be established and solidified first. that's a nobrainer. SO...after the other wonderful things that go with a relationship occur and the partnership ends, shouldn't the friendship still remain, if the means of the end weren't violent or spiteful? and if so, shouldn't that friendship overcome any awkwardness that would follow during conversations such as the one i previously described? i really feel that this should be the case, and if it winds up NOT being the case, then it's probably a sign that what you had with that person was unhealthy, and the friendship should have been made more concrete and valued stronger. of course, this could very likely be why the relationship didn't work out in the first place, this lack of a firm, sturdy base of friendship, but i don't believe that this is always the case. i'm getting all of my thoughts tangled up here...but hopefully, someone got the gist of what i was getting at. help me out here, guys, or just share in my confusion...company is always welcome and appreciated.
While on the subject of girls...i just wanna' thank the Lord above for having such a WONDERFUL POPULATION OF BEAUTIFUL GIRLS concentrated here at UF. the scenery is pleasant every day of the week.

I'm gonna go ahead and feature a handful of my favorite bands/albums for a sec, just cuz i feel like it. QUICK NOTE: sorry if this post seems shallow, superficial, or whatever...just remember that my brain is half asleep, and the cheapest, simplest thoughts are at the forefront for the moment.

Note: The following bands/albums often switch in order of preference, but generally, this is pretty accurate.

FINGER ELEVEN: THE GREYEST OF BLUE SKIES
I really have to strive to find anything wrong with this band, or this album. I absolutely love it...intelligent, hearfelt, talented...it just
FEELS so good to listen to them. they have that something. it's the perfect groove for me.
TRY THESE TRACKS: "Stay and Drown," "Broken Words," "First Time"

FURTHER SEEMS FOREVER: THE MOON IS DOWN
If you like The Juliana Theory, you'll love these guys. great melodies and wonderful lyrics work together in perfect harmony. and it's
rockin' man...YEAH!
TRY: "The Moon is Down," "Pictures of Shorelines," "Snowbirds and Townies"

TOOL: AENIMA, LATERALUS
This band is definitely one of the most important groups to have ever existed. Can't really go wrong with ANY Tool, but I feel that
they've perfected their style on their last 2 records. Extreme talent, awesome song writing, AMBIENT...and Maynard has one of the
best voices to have ever graced the "modern metal/rock" genre.
TRY: "H," "Forty-Six and Two," "Parabola," "Lateralis"

A PERFECT CIRCLE: MER DE NOMS
Maynard applies vocals here, but this band is definitely its own entity. Extremely melodic and calm...real beauty. Very little angst.
This album sometimes assumes the position of my all-time favorite. CHECK IT OUT.
TRY: "3 Libras," "Orestes," "Brena"

COLDPLAY: PARACHUTES
Wonderfully quiet record...relaxed to the max. and it's British, so that's always a good thing. Great music for headphones, for
downtime, for long thoughtful roadtrips, and for sleep.
TRY: "Spies," "Don't Panic," "We Never Change"

BJORK: VESPERTINE
Bjork is absolutely beautiful in every respect. Completely unique, ambient...u know what-i'm just going to stop. GO LISTEN TO
HER.
TRY: "It's Not Up To You," "Aurora," "Unison"

SIGUR ROS: AGAETIS BYRJUN
Icelandic (right, melo...?) lyrics, but delivered in a package that's universally enjoyable. Amazingly soothing, ambient,
melodious...the perfect cd to fall asleep/reflect to.
TRY: ANYTHING AT ALL. You can't go wrong here...and besides, the songs are hard to spell out.

SYSTEM OF A DOWN: TOXICITY
Crazy, unrestrained rockin'/melodic/speed/nu metal with something to say. Serj, their vocalist, always gets his message across.
This album is kooky, political, pretty, and extremely well put together. Mad talent, as well.
TRY: "Chop Suey," "Forest," "Science"

DREAM THEATER: SCENES FROM A MEMORY
An amazing concept record (it tells a story from start to finish) with displays of incredible talent and songwriting. Any DT record is a
great one, but this was the first that I ever experienced, and happens to be their most recent. Progressive rock/metal. Insane
performances from some of the best musicians around today; seriously. Go find out for yourself.
TRY: "Overture 1928," "Through Her Eyes," "Home"

LINKIN PARK: HYBRID THEORY
Okay. I know these guys are HUGE right now, and some of you probably dismiss them as being equivalent to the likes of Limp
Bizkit and all that crap...but seriously, the MUSIC is awesome. it may not be terribly original in light of the rapping and such, but the
melodies and harmonies on this record are top-notch.
TRY: "In the End," "Pushing Me Away," "Papercut"

GLASSJAW: EVERYTHING YOU EVER WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT SILENCE
Not for the timid. The rawest, most honest and energetic record i've ever heard. "Where beauty and brutality collide."
TRY: "Siberian Kiss," "Her Middle Name was Boom," "Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About Silence"

DEFTONES: WHITE PONY
One of the best records released this year, the Deftones are at the top of their game here. Similar to Glassjaw in terms of
description, but not nearly as harsh. Chino's melodious voice fits the heavy, rhythmic ambience of the band perfectly.
TRY: "Digital Bath," "RX Queen," "Feiticeira"

KORN: KORN
If you know me, you knew that this had to make the list. This is where it all began...and even if it is purely for nostalgic value, it will
always hold a place amidst my favorite albums of all time.

well DAMN, this turned out to be a lenghthy entry. i think i'll sleep now...or maybe i'll eat, and then sleep. tune in next time, when i'll list some of my all-time favorite songs (some of which are not performed by the above-mentioned artists).

and congratulations. you made it to the end of this epic post. honestly, if you spent all this time here, you can use a few more moments to post a comment. Please. I'm begging you. I need to feel the love.

-exhausted?

::: posted by AJBrotz at 5:38 PM

(0) comments

Tuesday, September 18, 2001 :::

more inspiration...tonight's (last night's, rather) screening for Film Analysis was "The Man with the Movie Camera." INTENSE. Man...i recommend everyone see it. it's one of a kind...i'm buying as soon as i find it. man...i was literally worn out by the end of it. It's silent, but the music is wonderful and synchronized perfectly with the on-screen action.

I think that Kenna existed once, but was abducted by aliens. his cd came out New Year's Day, according to mtv2.com...AND, the site hosted a link to a place where you could apparently purchase the cd...but the link was broken. -and now it's working! but i still don't see a way to buy it. hmmm...i dunno.

UPDATE: Found Kenna's official website: www.kennaonline.com. apparently, the cd isn't coming out until February, 2002. Interesting...it seems that mtv2 was mistaken. ah well...so i either wait, or i burn the tracks that i downloaded. i think i'll burn.

MUST SLEEP. EXAM TOMORROW.

-stressed.

::: posted by AJBrotz at 12:51 AM

(0) comments

Monday, September 17, 2001 :::

well ALRIGHT! I've had a religious experience, and it's called KENNA. oh man...wonderful, wonderful music. all i'm seeing are beautiful shorelines and sunrises. seriously, this is amazing stuff...and it's strange, because i can't find ANYTHING on the net that pertains to them! they're all over morpheus, and their video for "Hell Bent" (WONDERFUL video, by the way) has played on M2...but that's...it! oohhhhhh man...it's just so great. i'm inspired beyond...beyond. i didn't know this type of music existed in such perfection.

now, i know i've built Kenna up to be mindblowing, and for me, they were, but i'll definitely say that they aren't for everyone. i'd describe it as expertly-crafted pop/techno/radiohead-esque rock, but with a very articulate, possibly british singer. it's just done so damn well...it's perfect for their style of music. i'm utterly infatuated.

on the darker side of the moon: Further Seems Forever has a new singer!?! what the hell!? chris was soooo perfect in Further, but i guess he decided to dedicate all of his efforts to Dashboard Confessional. Dashboard is good and all, but...Further will never be the same now! "Nothing gold can stay."

-late?

::: posted by AJBrotz at 5:59 PM

(0) comments

sick again. it seems my paranoia didn't pay off. whenever i noticed anyone looking sick, or heard anyone cough, i'd hold my breath and walk away, fearful of falling victim to contagion. i'm sure that the culprit is lack of sleep; it always is...yet i can't seem to kick myself in the ass hard enough to do that which i KNOW needs to be done. i mean, just look at this now: 1:20 in the morning, i'm sick, and i'm writing in my blog. i can't believe i'm doing this, i must be nuts *clap clap clap clap*

parents are going to attend the show on the 22nd...not sure if that'll affect my performance or not; more on that on some other date.

Film Analysis has given me new eyes for movie-viewing...it's pretty awesome. noticing several "trivial" details that i would have previously missed in all kinds of televised programs/films. Nosferatu is an awesome movie, if you can pick up on the genious and originality of it.

conversated with Anne online today...thoroughly enjoyed it. she's smart, sweet, challenging...and she gives one hell of a massage. MAN. i can't even begin to describe.

i've decided to begin drew's music lessons...we'll see what comes of that.

mom found my Align CD, which i had thought to have vanished! 1000 points for mom!

more thanx to Shyla for her continued assistance with the terrors of html.

and i've had it. i'm going to sleep. btw...i haven't even STARTED studying for my Evolution exam. I'm really quite worried...damn procrasination. *sweats with stress*

-fever?

::: posted by AJBrotz at 12:35 AM

(0) comments

Sunday, September 16, 2001 :::

Sitting around...1:42 AM...i've been awake for approximately 6 hours.
Homework? don't feel like it. Party? plans fell through. Sleep? HAH.

reason overpowers unreasonable power.

brock crystal lauren melo drew scott will brian frank juan john chris andrew john jeannie annie diego john meghan casey roberson chris kevin angela jen mary axel john jordan jason ryan scott john katie hector gorang cliff grant dave robbie denny anne eddie becky tj chrissy marcus mike brent steve jeff mike richie john brian amy kristin travis sean amanda beckie amanda jacob jason bonnie lindsey caitlin christine lindsey angela jessica natalie adina george lissa

i need more friends

it's so odd...i really can't seem to capture the skills required for social success. whenever i'm presented with an opportunity for conversation, it usually falls away, cuz i can't think of anything to say. i view it all as small talk...or am i simply stuck in my own little world?-cuz whenever something involving music is mentioned, i can talk for hours...or if it involves movies, or something else that i view as worthwhile. but chitchat...i dunno. it doesn't come naturally. this is why i will be a rock star, and talk to the entire world through my music. all that is needed is a connection, talented players, and a lyrical format that is perceivable by the audience. brock and i will achieve our dreams...because unrealized dreams are terrible, and in all seriousness, anything is possible if one wants it badly enough. brock and i want it.
________________________________
2:16 AM, and she's awake
swaying in some silent reverie
imagining all that could be
a starlit sky, a warm embrace
the gentle tide kissing her feet
beautiful and neverending
angels whispering secrets divine
weightless, pure, special

fall away into her eyes
a glimpse of utter ecstasy
untouchable, worthy of one
one that's out of reach
temporarily; not for long.

beauty beyond comprehension
so far from realization
it's in our hands
our eyes are closed
we'll see when we believe.
_________________________________

yay! i'm getting tired! maybe i'll be able to get back on track after all!

i guess i'm going to keep this journal on 2 different sites for a while, until...i dunno...alksjd;lfjasl;djf. it's just...i like the layout on the other site, but i'm really comfortable on this site. also, i think that the layout on the other page causes my posts to be biased; colors affect attitude, of course, and since the other journal has blue all over it, it might influence me to shape my entrees into a softer, more passive format than originally intended. i dunno...i need feedback! -that's the other thing; the other site allows for "Notes," which are direct responses from people who view your entrees and have something to say about them. that'd be WONDERFUL to have...so maybe i'll wind up switching over to that one, after all. it's possible. probable, even, the more i think about it.

Cinnamon Toast Crunch is the best cereal ever made! I'm convinced!

Aight...i've been typing for about an hour. time to find some other way to utilize my creativity...maybe i'll sleep.

-goodnight?

::: posted by AJBrotz at 2:16 AM

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Saturday, September 15, 2001 :::

I cannot believe that i slept 'till 7:30 PM today, despite the fact that i didn't GO to sleep 'till 7:30 that morning. i truly wasted the entire day. and now...am i to sleep tonight, or compromise, and stay up for half of the night, or ??? Anyone else that has had this dilemma, suggestions are welcome :)

Brock has such a good heart...but he really has to break this cycle of depression. If he would just realize that it's possible, he'd be halfway there. I miss that monkey...

Bought 2 new CDs:
The Juliana Theory-Realize This is a Dream
Further Seems Forever-The Moon is Down

Found them both at a Christian book store just around the corner...and i truly didn't mind spending the money there. the place had a really good vibe to it, for obvious reasons. I miss formal communication with Him...but i don't fully enjoy mass praise...it seems too contrived...too zombie-esque. Something like a huge chapel, open all the time for anyone, would rock; like what drew and i attended yesterday on campus. University Auditorium was opened for persons to come and reflect, so basically, it was transformed into a chapel; all that was missing was a giant cross up in front. i'm sure that there's a place like, right around the corner (like the book store) that meets my desires...I'll find it Monday.

Gotta go watch Nosferatu with drew...i'll probably add more later tonight.

i feel like brian; I'd LOVE to have a girlfriend right now.

-tired?

::: posted by AJBrotz at 8:35 PM

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Thursday, September 13, 2001 :::

My neck hurts.

Will came and visited here yesterday...very nice to spend time with him away from familiar surroundings. Dinner with Grandma and Miss Doreen at the Swamp was awesome; great food, great conversations. We all visited the apartment complex that Will is almost definitely going to be moving into in December; i'm sure that that will bring about more excitement and good times...
Later that night, Will, Travis Rhiner and I went downtown to see what was goin' on...but the streets were completely vacant. Nothing was going on at all...i dunno if it was in light of the crisis or what...one thing that was especially interesting was that the Crystal Method was apparently supposed to be playing at a club down there (according to the Brick City marquee) but the place was dead. 'Twas very peculiar...like a ghost town, or something. Figures that when I finally go out with an agenda to party or whatever, nothing's goin' down.

More irony: Dad scored tickets to the Tennessee game here...but shortly after i heard the news of that, i was informed of the game's cancellation. such is life...

Watched "Drive Me Crazy" today on HBO...not bad, not bad at all. I had completely dismissed it as a crap teenybopper flick when i'd seen previews for it, but, being strapped down by the couch's invisible...straps...I decided to give it a shot. Fairly well done...decent acting...unoriginal storyline, but good, dry humor implemented nicely. I'd recommend it to anyone lookin' for a good, light movie.

Red: misplaced priorities, violence, ill-will, people who speak to hear themselves talk, those that make statements while having no grasp of the facts.

Green: Crystal, Will, Glassjaw, Finger Eleven, Further Seems Forever, The Juliana Theory, cheese, compassion, spontaneity.

Blue: OCEAN, intimacy in relationships, physical comfort and comforting, longing.

Writing to myself gets so lonely.

::: posted by AJBrotz at 9:19 PM

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Tuesday, September 11, 2001 :::

What is this world coming to? People-I don't care what culture-celebrating a murder of thousands, fucking giving out candy in the streets, rejoicing? Carma WILL go into effect. All those who are grieving, injured, or on the other side, you're in my prayers, and you will be avenged. To my family, friends, and those I care about: I love you all. To anyone reading this, please take a moment to appreciate all that you have, and embrace those that mean anything to you. Let them know how you feel, because in all seriousness, no one knows what tomorrow will bring. Do not hesitate.
Despite the senseless chaos and destruction, we walk on, with clenched fists, open eyes, and unleashed heart.
Dissolve all fears.
Destroy all boundaries.
Stand.

WHAT A DAY. All we did, after attending one class (math for retards) was watch the tube, just waiting for something else to fall apart. Insane. That footage was horrible...like something out of a movie. So strange...unbelievable.

Wrote a few new riffs today...leaning more and more towards more simplistic, mellow, even major (not minor) stuff.

School seems so insignificant now, in comparison with something as huge as what occurred today. I just kept thinking that there had to be something more important for me to be doing. One desire was to gather my closest friends and visit the beach, which has always been a spiritual "haven" for me. I wanted to celebrate being alive, and share that joy with everyone, but on the other hand, I felt that to be somewhat selfish in light of the tragedy that struck so close to so many people. Felt obligated to mourn...but...I dunno. I just don't agree with that whole philosophy. I'm all about celebrating life-both that which has past, and that which is here. So, in closing, anyone want to go to the beach with me?

Midterms are fast approaching...and i'm cringing...cuz i know i'll wind up cramming sat. and sun., which may work out fine...BUT, what the hell is up with Sociology? A 49 on a pop quiz, AFTER a 40 point curve, and 5 to 6 points extra credit? So, basically i got a 3 or 4 on the quiz? I cannot believe this to be possible. Even if i did pull most of it out of my ass, i wasn't THAT far off. Common sense should count for more than 3 freakin' points. This has to be resolved; i have to keep a 3.5 for the scholarship, and a 49 or whatever doesn't go well with that plan. Stress stress stress...

I CAN'T WAIT UNTIL THE 22ND. ABSENT WILL ROCK THE HOUSE APART. EVERYONE IS INVITED. www.absent1.com

Just heard that a truck full of explosives was stopped in Jersey. This whole thing is a State of the World Address. Time for everyone to get their shit together.

Two awesome love songs: "When I See You Smile" by Bad English
"My Sweet Lady" by John Denver (that's right, John Denver. Trust me, it's good...very good. Not like his
other stuff.)
Thanx go out to Ophelia for surprising me, and keepin' me smiling. Surprises and smiles...EXTREMELY important. In fact, I think I can say that the things I look forward to most in life are surprises.

Foreign languages are WONDERFUL.

Is it true that women in either Germany or France strip in front of others without thinking twice?

I gotta get homework done...no poems this time around :(

"Science has failed our world; science has failed our Mother Earth; Spirit moves through all things." -Serj Tankian, System of a Down

-safe?

::: posted by AJBrotz at 10:09 PM

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Monday, September 10, 2001 :::

I MISS MUSIC. DAMN, do i miss music. Went to the Music Department on campus today and discovered, to my dismay, that one must be either a music major or minor in order to take part in ANY music class of ANY sort. Fucking ridiculous! It's insane...and it really has damaged my happiness here...but i'm gonna find a way around this, somehow. I'll find a way to formally get back into music, even if it means regular private practice in my room, by myself. I just prefer playing along with someone else so much more than that...but what can i do. at least i have my guitar equipment all hooked up, and fresh strings on the ax, finally. I'm sure it'll all work out fairly quickly, one way or another...i just wish i had someone to share this with! LKAHSLDJFLKASDJFLAHSDFLAJDSF;LKAJDS;L

I'm getting THAT WAY, again...tired of repetition, tired of regularity, tired of routine, tired of predictability. And the city is seeming smaller each day. I know that all i need is inspiration-wait...well, yeah, that's true, but what i REALLY need is someone that sees eye to eye with me. Someone I can relate to, and someone who relates to me...a match-or something CLOSE to it, anyway. i can't really say that i've ever had that...i've never felt completely comfortable with confiding in someone, cuz i always knew that i'd never get the type of response that i wanted. it's always the same general type of sympathy, or else I know that it will be. of course, i can ALWAYS talk to Him, and i do...but sometimes one really needs an earthly hand to hold, or rather, to hold one's hand. Whenever this kind of mindset consumes my attitude, i usually wind up just pushing it away and endulging in that which is good, deciding that it was only me...that i was the problem the whole time, concentrating on the negative, or thinking too much, or whatever, but i'm 95 percent sure that this is not the case. if it was, i wouldn't keep winding up here...and the other thing is that each time i do, it's clearer as to what i want/need in order to dissolve this state. so, i'll not resort to the "easy" and familiar way out this time. This isn't to say that i will remain here until i get that which i feel is needed to grow, for prolonged sadness, or whatever title you want to give the condition, is just silly. there IS plenty of beauty waiting outside my door, and i'll not shut it out-but i won't shut out my honest desire to destroy, erase, and improve the elements that are "plaguing" me. the recurring eclipse will end...

and ANYWAY, i'm going to write a book about sadness being an absolute waste of time, right? at least, that's what i said earlier today. hmmm...maybe i should have thought that through a bit more. i could still write on a similar topic, describing how it's ridiculous to wade in self-pity, to worry, to remain depressed, to think of times when one used to be depressed, and so on. the truth is that we all have vulnerabilities, and we get hurt at times (even though i used to think that was untrue, too...when i was numb), so there's no point in denying that, but there's no point in examining that, either...or celebrating it...or wallowing in it...or even making conversation about it. THAT is a waste of perfectly good and valuable time which could be spent in happiness. Living in past failures and periods of depression is just horrible, and i can't stand it when people do that-especially people that i care about.

Now, i realize that the 2 previous paragraphs may seem to contradict each other...but i think that if you read the more-recent one close enough, it will make sense. Time spent dissecting sadness from a logical point of view is not in vain, if you know that you can defeat it-and it's always defeatable in one way or another. But don't ignore and swallow it. Allow for happiness, but don't forget the need to beat the problems following you, or you'll always wind up in the same place. I believe that after following this practice for a while, nothing will be capable of causing extreme, or prolonged sadness, as tolerance/methods of breaking the cycle will be developed and familiar.

If anyone reads this, will they PLEASE respond with their feelings toward it? Thank you...
munkys4u@bellsouth.net

watched The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari tonight...quite interesting-in retrospect, especially. Almost Fight Club-esque in conclusive affect...

argh...lack of inspiration to write...

___________________________________

lying alone
smiling Upward through the ceiling
paying no attention to enclosing walls
happy.
___________________________________

filling in the cracks
melting
adhesive purity, wholeness
complete.
___________________________________

soft ambience
encompass, fulfill
whisper waterfall
escape all limitation.

I'm enjoying those more and more...i'm so accustomed to writing epic lyrical pieces; simplicity is so much more appropriate and...just...RIGHT sometimes. *smile*

well...i'm all out of interesting content, here.

DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION IS THE GREATEST!

I MISS: Melo (look, you're first on the list that maintains no order (!!!)), Lauren, Absent, Italian FireSnow, and walking down my street to get the mail back home.

love,
alan

::: posted by AJBrotz at 9:58 PM

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Sunday, September 09, 2001 :::

RC is tryin' me. She basically attacked after I sent a friendly inquiry concerning the recent association with sean. Immaturity? Stress? Misscommunication? Likely a combination...bleh. Oh well. Not worth worrying about, since nothing really is.

Still lovin' the System...mad talent.

Slept till 5 today...Dumb kept knocking on my door, trying to wake me up, and although i was already awake, i didn't feel like responding. decided to perform a little experiment, despite my lack of a hypothesis. didn't respond for about an hour, after which i found that Dumb presumed me dead. the whole thing was interesting...it worked out well, too, because the oddness of the whole thing kinda provided a clean slate between Dumb and me, which was wonderful, cuz i think we were beginning to get on each other's nerves a bit. hurray for acting with creativity!

I said that i wouldn't directly diss anyone on this thing...so i'll just say that i'm not at all happy with my current status with RC. dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb.

i should be doing homework, but i really seem to have an obsession with pushing myself to the limit. not smart, but i'd probably wind up falling asleep if i attempted my reading, anyway.

today is Grandparents Day-show your elders some love.

is roberson getting some this very second? bastard! when will it be my turn, or even drew's turn! drew needs it even more than i do, actually! selfish roberson.

it seems that i've inherited even more items that used to belong to my uncle. 2 or 3 new drumsets (!!!), 750 records (!!!), and lotsa other awesome treasures. i'm not sure as of yet if i'll actually USE everything...it seems untouchable...sacred. but maybe my uncle would like it to be enjoyed as he enjoyed it. i'll have to wait and see how i react when i actually visit it.

GONADS IN THE LIGHTNING! WONDERFUL WONDERFUL STUFF! http://www.threebrain.com/weeeeee.html

Tenacious D...TooL...Incubus...Dennison Marrs...ALL GREAT SHOWS that i won't be able to go to. DAMMIT. Absent sure as hell better get signed or something on the 22nd.

GREEN: Melo, Drew, System of a Down, Bjork, Monkeys, Squirrels (GONADS IN THE LIGHTNING), FRANK, PEZ (someone PLEASE send me some!)

RED: RC, Television, Oversleeping, Obsession with dreaming.

BLUE: Damn, i miss the water. I need to visit the ocean...but it's always so freakin' crowded; i need to revisit the Island.

YELLOW: U.T.

I feel as if i'm betraying my REAL journal...but it's SO much easier to type. argh...what to do, what to do. but i know what to do, don't i? Yes.

I'm going to bed-at a reasonable hour, nonetheless. but first, everyone just take a second to say something absolutely ridiculous, and smile.

"If you leave it alone, it might just happen, anyway."

-half-assed?

::: posted by AJBrotz at 10:04 PM

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Still gettin' the hang of this blog thing...thanx to Shyla :)

So, the Latalianos went out tonight, dug us our first party. Not bad, but...nothing to talk of, save for my discussion with Becky-an old acquaintance i acquired through RC. Very interesting...very interesting indeed...apparently, WSHS is goin' down the tubes, and RC is friends-maybe more than friends-with Snyder? what the hell is that? what is she thinking? he's...Snyder! we all know his past, so...??? ugh. whatever. i'm so close to not caring about the mistakes and probable errors of my friends. it never makes a difference when i attempt to interfere, so all i'm doing is striking down my happiness...and that should be priority number one, cuz if i'm not happy, then nothing else really matters all that much. and i don't see that as being selfish. everything is shit if i'm not happy, and i can't share happiness with anyone else if i don't contain it myself. so...in conclusion, i AM going to talk with RC and get the info straight from the source...but if it winds up being another stupid high-school story of naivity and so on, i'm disconnecting.

Roberson is the man! Maybe he's a bit rusty in the ways of the morangue (sp?), but still...ya gotta have some decent-sized balls to get out there and dance with someone you've never spoken to before. props to latino.

As for the liquor, Skeeter won for quantity, i didn't even finish a wine cooler, and Dumb had maybe 2 sips; one from a Smirnoff (sp?) and one from some rum and coke. i stuck to that which i know, and didn't even get a buzz...which was fine with me. i don't plan on taking it any further than i did tonight.

I'm wondering if i should include the names of others in my posts on this thing. it doesn't seem quite right, since practically anyone can view it...but i don't think it's that big a deal. i'm not striking anyone down, or telling anyone's life-stories. if this is gonna be any type of journal at all, i have to express in one way or another how i'm feeling, when i'm feeling it, so...anyway.

no one EVER bother with the movie Waiting for Guffman. WASTE OF TIME.

sometimes
sky aligns with sense, painting interactive masterpiece.
authenticity is key.
authenticity is the essence of anything worth anything.
arrive at this moment, feeling feelings, breathing breaths.
nothing matters if life is limited, so dissolve boundaries.
smile, for God's Sake.
look at each other, and don't look away, embarrassed.
COMMUNICATE, and consume that which you prescribe.
practice what you preach.
don't love until you have no choice, for that is true. anything else is pointless and detrimental.
need the ones you love, and love the ones you need.
allow for inspiration; keep your doors open and your windows clear.
MEMORIES ARE ALL THAT MATTER; change, dare, attempt, fail, recover, achieve, share, repeat.
new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new

lookin forward to venting at the next Absent show...i wonder if it'd be possible to go too far on stage. I'd like to. I'd like to know that I went over the line, to have emotion defeat physical limitations. beautiful. moreso to share afterwards...but with who? no one, DAMMIT.
and that's the bitch that never leaves my side.

patience.

GREEN: System of a Down is wonderul; so passionate and intelligent...and wacky :) good times, good times. They're really helping me to just let go and relax. and vent, but happily. Alicia Keys rocks it hardcore...just don't get an ego, girl. keep it pure-if that's even possible in that biz. $3.49 for good pizza is WONDERFUL.

BLUE: i miss water...i miss the connection i treasure with it. home feels distant now...not quite as familiar...and i'm feelin' the same kinda way towards my parents, which has positive and negative fx. Insults-REAL insults from people that you care about-KILL. Fuck them. -the insults, that is.

RED: RC. Snyder. Television.

YELLOW: I miss Great Grandpa, which is interesting...and i HATE the fact that i was so ignorant and naive as a kid. so much opportunity missed...dammit. Tusapatsa.

Alright, i'm through for now. 'Twas enjoyable, my first REAL entry...but i'm still kinda nervous about the whole idea. perhaps this will be my final post?

-consistent?

::: posted by AJBrotz at 3:27 AM

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