Tuesday, December 03, 2002 :::

'Tis a sad time for my generation of rock 'n rollers. J. Lynn Johnston, the former frontman of the band Mad at Gravity, has gone his own way, "due to artistic and creative differences." For the past few weeks, I've been meaning to dedicate a post to this band, since many have yet to hear anything from them. If you are a fan of Hoobastank, onesidezero, Finger Eleven, or Sevendust, it's a pretty safe bet that you'll enjoy Mad at Gravity, as I think of them as a blend of the aforementioned bands. The songs on their debut album, Resonance, range from simplistic, moving melodies, to rock-out-while driving-fast heavies, but my favorite moments on the album feature tasteful, harmonious layers of clean guitars with choice effects that...ahhh...they just move together so effortlessly... - awesome attention to detail...great songwriting.
One thing that made M@G different from most other new rock bands coming to the musical forefront was J.Lynn Johnston's complete lack of need to scream. At all. He prefers to sing, allowing his full, emotion-laden voice to complement the already intricately-melodic instrumentation behind him. What a concept, eh? Additionally (and impressively), the lyrics heard on Resonance are absolutely void of anger. Now THAT is just plain crazy. No explicitives? No bitching at lost loves for screwing him over? How can this be?
Furthermore, it is unfortunate that J. Lynn has parted ways with Mad at Gravity, but at least his voice receives 49 minutes of Resonance.
Honestly, there is not one single solitary song on Mad at Gravity's Resonance that escapes my approval. "I highly recommend that you all go out and buy it yesterday." My favorite tracks include "In Vain" and "Burn." You'll find a link to their site on the left column of my site here.

::: posted by AJBrotz at 2:06 PM

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Monday, December 02, 2002 :::

Take my Quiz on QuizYourFriends.com!

::: posted by AJBrotz at 9:07 PM

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Monday, November 25, 2002 :::

what an awesome weekend.

we'll start with the highlight of the weekend - of the entire year, possibly. this may very well have been THE most amazing, beautiful, breathtaking performance i have ever witnessed.

CIRQUE DU SOLEIL: LA NOUBA.

All I have to say is DO WHATEVER YOU NEED TO DO TO SEE THIS SHOW. It's more than worth the $72 price tag. Trust me. I'd love to say more, but I don't want to ruin anything! In all seriousness, I put this experience on the same "to do" list that skydiving is on. It's one of those things that you need to do before death. Go to Downtown Disney and experience this, please!

Absent is back in action...this time around, with two more members - one old, one new. 6 great friends, finally in one band. Brock+Brian+Frank+Will+Juan+Alan = Absent. We're practicing primarily for the upcoming Annual Altamonte Springs High School Battle of the Bands - this will be the last year that Absent will be able to participate. ALL OF YOU MUST COME. It's going to be an old-school reunion - all the original fans (of Fallout, WiKid, etc) need to be there...all the old/present girlfriends need to be there... - it needs to be as cumulative and commemorative as possible, in every thinkable aspect. I don't want to kill any possible future-suspense, but we ARE going to win 1st place. It simply must be this way. So, in closing, please leave a comment if you intend to come. I don't know the date yet, but i'll post it as soon as i do. I'm so psyched!

www.evanescence.com <--------- go here, and listen to the first single from the Daredevil soundtrack, "Bring Me to Life." Awesome song.

What else is new...oh. Don't bother with Harry Potter 2. Yes, the first one was great, but the sequel doesn't come close. Snore.

that's all for now...everyone have a great Thanksgiving! peace.

::: posted by AJBrotz at 2:14 AM

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Saturday, November 02, 2002 :::

so...apparently, my little get-together that i have planned for next weekend has been advertised (in some small amount, at least) as a party in which drinking will be practiced. although i haven't made a point of stating whether or not there will be any drinking permitted, those who have been invited know me pretty damn well - at least, i think they do. that said, it should be known that there's a big part of me that's against drinking. hopefully, whoever's reading this feels slightly redundant/annoyed in doing so because he/she already knows what i'm saying and is tired of me stating it. regardless, it is apparent that i need to make a point here. the reason i have my friends come up here to visit is NOT TO DRINK. in NO WAY is that even partially a reason, and if someone feels like it is, then he/she needs to think again. i'm sorry for ever supporting events that made drinking become associated with the idea of a get-together at my place - obviously, that was never the intention - in fact, it was exactly what i didn't want to happen. to start, drew doesn't drink. thus, drew is uncomfortable with people getting drunk in our apartment. therefore, it should be understood that even if i was cool with drinking going on, drew isn't, and this is drew's apartment as well as mine, and so, people should take that into account when coming to this apartment. secondly, i'm still unsure about how i feel about drinking, given the past experiences that i've been a part of. it would be one thing if everyone knew and abided by his or her limit, but sadly, this hasn't been the case in the past. i am definitely not cool with drinking for the sake of getting drunk. buzzed is one thing - drunk is another. so...there's that... - and technically, that should be enough. i do not trust alcohol amongst my friends (not all of you, but some), and therefore, i do not want it in my apartment. i realize that coming up here feels like a getaway where anything goes or whatever, and that's fine, but this is my home, and if i'm not cool with something going on, it sure as hell isn't going to happen here. I've said these words before, and they were supposedly understood by my friends, but were later betrayed.

i wish there was a way that i could be completely assured of no one getting drunk, as that's my main problem with the whole drinking thing, but obviously, that's an impossibility, and i know that everyone doesn't feel the same way as i do about drinking, so i don't want to force anything on anyone. so...the best way to work this out is just to remove alcohol from the equation.

This whole thing has hurt me, but woken me up a bit, as well. Maybe it seems trivial to whoever's reading this, but it's not to me. My reasoning for getting my friends together is to enjoy each other's company. if one becomes drunk, he/she is not himself, and won't even remember whatever happened once the next day commences. So where's the logic in that?

if you want to get drunk, stay home. if you want to make new memories with old friends, you're more than welcome to come.

::: posted by AJBrotz at 4:15 AM

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Tuesday, October 29, 2002 :::

You really shouldn't see The Ring.

That said - go see it.

::: posted by AJBrotz at 1:28 AM

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Monday, October 21, 2002 :::

so...the whole "abandoning AIM" thing didn't work, and the proposed banishment of cell phone use never stood a chance at being successful. that's all fine. my friends are a huge part of my life, and it follows that communication with them (you) is essential for any motivation in general, let alone scholastic.

every time i enter this library, i'm motivated to write in this blog - even if nothing particularly inspirational has recently occurred.

saturday's game was a welcome change of pace - we actually won! - barely. we still sucked hardcore toward the end of the game, but the Gators' "allowance" for the Tigers to tie the game arroused every nerve within every body in that stadium. All in all, the UF-Auburn game was my favorite thus far. The main reason for this preference:
Before each game, FDL (Florida Drum Line) and the rest of the band perform a "pre-game" show. 3/4's of the way through this, we line up along the path that the football players run across when they come out onto the field. Before the Gators come out, the visiting team runs out onto the field while their band plays their fight song - an age-old practice, but still, a sort of hospitality from the home team to the visitors, know what i mean? like, "guests first." its origin was politeness, i'm sure... - manners, whatever. you get my drift. anyway, after the entrance of the away team, the band normally stops playing, and we have a little televised intro that is displayed with sound and music on the huge monitor above the stadium, and as soon as it ends, the Gators rush out onto the field, and we play our fight song. simple enough. WELL, saturday night, the "Tiger Band" or whatever shitty-ass name they call themselves proved to be complete assholes. just as our intro thing started to play on the monitor, this shit-sucking band started to play some run-of-the-mill stands tune, and continued to play other shit WHILE our team ran out onto the field - WHILE we played our fight song! FUCKERS! oooohhhhhh i was so pissed off. HOWever...this anger made me feel more connected with the band - with the university - than i'd ever felt before. something just went off inside me, and it was like..."you bitches," and i felt that they had insulted me in insulting my school...so in response, i destroyed my cymbals as violently as i could, playing harder than i ever had before. it was wonderful...to feel so much a part of something that a slight insult arroused that level of loyalty and defense. i'm still extremely pissed at that band for having no respect, but i suppose it's like Gail said: "At least we can say that we're not like them." Experiences like this one make me want to stay in band for as many years as possible...

...but i'm still very seriously considering transferring to the University of Miami. I don't want to leave UF... - our campus is beautiful, i'm completely content with my living situation, and i don't know how i could manage without drew...but I really, really want the degree and the knowledge that UM offers. Music Engineering is something I've always wanted to do...and i KNOW that i would appreciate and utilize that degree, whereas here at UF, i'm still unsure about what i want to word towards. Psychology has become very interesting to me, but...i don't see myself as a professional psychologist. maybe i will eventually...but i've always (and currently) pictured myself working a job related to music. Maybe i could major in psychology here, and go to Miami afterwards to study Music Engineering? I know that that sounds kinda' crazy...especially to myself... - it's a lot of schooling, and a LOT of money...but would it be possible? I wonder if i'd be able to make it through all of that. Plus...if i stayed here and majored in psychology, i'd have more time to study mallets and snare, which would be necessary if i wanted to do well on the audition required by Miami for Music Engineering. wow...i only thought of that whole possibility while typing it. i'm enthused... - could this really be a possibility? yes, I'll be in school for a while longer than my friends...but it'd be worth it to me. what do i do? oooo i'm excited...

speaking of excitement...i haven't mentioned this in my blog until now:
I'M GOING TO ITALY!!!
Six weeks in Italy this summer!!! May 18 - June 27! Drew and I will be partaking in UF's Rome Home study abroad program, wherein we'll be taking Italian 2 and Anthropology of Religion. Can you feel my excitement here!?!? Freakin' ITALY, man...home of 75% of the world's artistic masterpieces - 30% of which reside in Rome, where we'll be studying! I really can't fathom any of this just yet - i mean, i've never lived out of state, nevermind outside of the country! overseas... - it seems like an entirely different world. different government, different language, different currency, different food, different television formats (PAL instead of NTSC), different-shaped outlets in the walls - EVERYTHING IS DIFFERENT, and quite possibly even BETTER! And it's so ideal that Drew is coming with me. My only little..."whatever" is that i KNOW i'll be wishing that i had someone..."special" to share all the beauty that Italy has to offer. Drew and I saw pictures of gorgeous sunsets over mountains and ancient architecture, viewed from beautiful, tall structures...it was literally breathtaking, and we both looked at each other simultaneously, relaying without words the same sentiment - we are going to be longing SO HEAVILY for someone to hold...someone to experience those moments with. That's enough...i don't want to think about that impending loneliness. But freakin' !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! - I'M GOING TO ITALY!!!

To anyone reading this: this saturday night is FDL's Annual Halloween Bash. It's going to be a HUGE party. If you're interested, let me know - we'd meet at my place saturday night and go together, of course. The catch is that you have to be in costume. It'd be freakin' awesome if you guys could come, so try really hard to free up your schedules, and let me know!

Ho fame...arrivederci, amici!

-aj

::: posted by AJBrotz at 9:37 AM

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Monday, October 14, 2002 :::

this won't take long

abandoning AIM for an indefinite amount of time

possibly banning use of the cell phone

considering transferring to the University of Miami
or just dropping out of school
though the prior seems more realistic

music

i possess little knowledge that is actually worth knowing
but at least i know that much

change

::: posted by AJBrotz at 4:03 PM

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Friday, October 04, 2002 :::

the new COLDPLAY album is now in my possession, thanks to Balky, my perfect stranger. still evaluating it, but it's quickly growing on me. the first record, "Parachutes," immediately found a place in my heart, but "A Rush of Blood to the Head" may take a bit longer to find its niche. Definitely good stuff, though... - can't really ever go wrong with Coldplay.

Jimmy Eat World's "Bleed American" is concretely among my top five records of all time. Absolutely outstanding. Five out of five stars - not that this is news or anything - i'm just reemphasizing how wonderful this album is. If you haven't picked this one up yet...do yourself a favor. Seriously. 9 out of 10 ninjas recommend this sweet disc, and you do NOT want to make a ninja flip out.

Speaking of ninjas...
WWW.REALULTIMATEPOWER.NET

After further review of the new Lifehouse and Splender records, I've come to the conclusion that the first brings me no satisfaction at all, while the latter is exceptional. I really can't say that i enjoy the new Lifehouse disc, which is truly unfortunate, considering how great the debut album was/is. Luckily, Splender's sophomore record ("To Whom it May Concern") has turned out to be a worthy follow-up to their debut cd, "Halfway Down the Sky." Rockin' stuff.

Quick apology to anyone sick of hearing primarily about music that doesn't really appeal to them. Moving on...

Halloween Horror Nights in exactly one week! I cannot wait. It's not like the event itself is particularly amazing, but for some reason, I always, always look forward to it each year. I think its the departure from normality...sharing that departure with my closest friends... - it always leaves a strong impression in my head. and Bill and Ted rock. MAN! I can't freakin' wait till next Friday!

it's definitely nice not having a game this weekend...or practice - yesterday, today, AND tomorrow. very very nice to have a break.

is anyone goin' to the Further Seems Forever/Finch/Something Corporate/New Found Glory show on November 12? I sure as hell hope so, 'cuz that show is going to rock my socks off. if you aren't going, trying to convince yourself that you aren't missing out will be like playing handball with a curtain. seriously though, let me know if you're going so we can meet up.

that's all for now...expect a more substantial entry soon, though. arrivederci...

-aj

::: posted by AJBrotz at 11:04 AM

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Wednesday, September 25, 2002 :::

Still want a girlfriend.

I'm so freakin' sick right now. Running a fever. i can't even remember the last time that i had a fever. crap on that.

Disturbed came out with a great cd last week, "BELIEVE"...pick it up if you have the dough. The limited edition version is especially cool... - the best packaging i've ever seen for a cd, along with a free dvd. look into it.

Lifehouse's new record, "Stanley Climbfall," is...a little more than decent, maybe. not nearly as good as the debut, so far...but worth a listen or two.

Splender reached new lows with their latest release, "To Whom it May Concern." Nothing really bad here, but pretty much any track on their debut beats any track off the sophomore effort by a long shot. Worth a listen, though.

Finally picked up "Fungus Amongus" and "Just Push Play." Two rockin' albums right there, despite the sillyness of the prior.

Ordered a Grosse Pointe Blank poster off of e-bay last week...expecting it anyday now. can't wait...

The band trip to Tennessee was quite an event... - i nearly passed out, threw up, walked right into a pole, kept from drinking while everyone else in FDL escaped sobriety...and oh yeah - the Gators kicked ass. hellafun game, despite the horrential downpour that carried on throughout the entire first half. those last 5 minutes of the first half - priceless. great football.

to you, reading this: i know i don't call you as often as you might like, but know that i'm constantly thinking of you, looking forward to the next time we get to hang out. miss you, more than you know...

-aj

::: posted by AJBrotz at 4:17 PM

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Friday, September 13, 2002 :::

i really, really want a girlfriend. it's pathetic...

Aerosmith rocks... - one of my all-time favorite bands. just picked up "Young Lust: The Aerosmith Anthology," and it's superb, as Lucas would say. I need to watch Empire Records again...
btw...the cover of the 2 cd set is quite sexy...

Maid service is the greatest. Gainesville Place maid service came today and cleaned our bathrooms and common area. It was awesome...felt like i was royalty.

i need clothes hangers...

my room is the cleanest it has EVER been. it's pretty strange, actually...everything here is really, really neat and tidy - here being my room and the living room. it's all feeling much more like home, since home was always extremely clean. you all should come and check it out...but i'm not cleanin' up after you bitches...

i got asked to leave Best Buy yesterday for shopping without a shirt on. looking back, it was pretty silly...but my shirt was ASS-wet from marching in the horrential downpour that had commenced during band practice. so...that was different.

hope everyone is doing well...miss u crazy kids. addio!

-aj

::: posted by AJBrotz at 12:43 PM

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Wednesday, September 11, 2002 :::

pretty insane that a year has already passed since "9-11." i honestly did not think i would be notably affected by today's significance, but the weather, and the apparent mood on campus - it's all very somber...very dreary. this may be an "inadequate" comparison, but my current mood was also felt when i first saw the opening scene of "X-Men," where the Jews are trudging through the puddles and mud, shattered, void of hope and anima. an overstatement for comparison, yes, but i'm simply stating that the feeling i got while watching that scene mirrors today's atmosphere.

While crossing the street from Burger King back to campus, i found a small american flag on the ground. originally upright on a stump in the median, its wooden support stick had been broken. any other day, i might have left it there, but it's chillin' with me now. wish i had a stapler, so i could attach it to my backpack...
i'm sure that many kids, even some of my friends, have the attitude that feeling "patriotic," or whatever you want to call it, - or even just uncommonly reflective - today seems trite, or merely expected...maybe trendy...conformist... - whatever. i think that's shit, to put it plainly. if you aren't proud to live here, and/or September 11th had no affect on you whatsoever, then...i almost just feel sorry for you. sure, America is NO WHERE NEAR perfect, but it's pretty freakin' awesome, and it's our home. if you'd rather live somewhere else, fucking MOVE there. and i'm NOT apologetic for the language, as i'm very adamant about this topic. just...have a little pride. take a minute or two to think about what happened...consider the fact that several people lost not one, not two...but many friends and/or family. i sometimes try to imagine what it would be like to lose someone close to me, and that's hard as hell...but to lose a couple friends or more... - i can't fathom that. so...i ask that you try, as i am trying - so that we can have a slightly better understanding of the true impact that 9-11 had on the day's victims...and a stronger appreciation for our country and its "protectors."

Love everyone.

::: posted by AJBrotz at 9:22 AM

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Monday, September 09, 2002 :::

DAMN i miss being in an ass-kickin' band. All i think about...all i want to do...is rock out hardcore with Frank and Brian. those were my favorite times with music...shows at the Lost and Found... - the early stuff, before things got all shitty and complicated. it was just FUN. i truly, sincerely miss those times. i want to start a new band...something more rockin', more active, and MUCH less depressive...but still somewhat deep and intelligent. something along the lines of Finch, but with the special touches that Frank, Brian and I could give it. i wouldn't even mind singing and playing guitar simultaneously again... - whatever would work. but i'd want to be completely serious and dedicated...and REALLY have everyone give it their all. scream like crazy, sing our asses off, play like we don't give a shit about shit...just do it, and do it better than any of the other half-assed bands around o-town. but dammit...i'm in gainesville, and my plate is more than full. i'm already pretty far behind in my classes... - marching band is sucking up all my time. it's awesome, but it's demanding. so confused...about school, about the crazy new possibility for my future... - pretty much everything. ironically, though, i'm still happier than i've ever been. life is GRAND. i know i have plenty of time left to fulfill my dreams... - i just have to be sure to carry through with them. somehow...

-aj

::: posted by AJBrotz at 11:08 PM

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Tuesday, August 27, 2002 :::

Top Five Albums of the Year
Finch: What it is to Burn
The Used
Blindside: Silence
Mad at Gravity: Resonance
Thirty Seconds to Mars: Welcome to the Universe

Life is superb. SUperb! attitude truly is everything.

Sometimes, good fortune is sprung from misfortune. Picked up a new JVC stereo with my $100 best buy gift certificate last friday (courtesy of the wonderful staff at Gainesville Place), and the sound quality in my car is 10 times better than it ever was with my old AIWA. I'm extremely psyched about that... - and to add to it all, Drew bought the same stereo for his car. Great roomies think alike...

Dad and I saw Dream Theater, King's X and Joe Satriani at the House of Blues friday night - utterly amazing show. Dream Theater is absolutely incredible...possibly THE tightest, most talented band out right now. PERFECT live. For me, the best part of it all was just watching my dad's reactions during the show... - the jaw-dropping...the smiling...the shaking of his head out of utter disbelief... - it's really cool to finally be able to share a band or two with my dad. Before the show, I was lucky enough to meet the opening band, King's X, who i've been listening to for years. I was just hanging out by their bus, and Doug, the lead singer, came over to me to see what was up. He handed me some plastic cups, told me I was helping him, and brought me on the bus, so that was supremely kick-ass. Casual convo with the band while Doug prepared some pre-show vodka. rockstars, man...rockstars. awesome guys, though...nice enough to search their bus for a sharpee, since all i had was a pen. i just wish i hadn't had to flip through my cd booklet to remember the drummer's name before asking him for his autograph. dumbsmack...

Gainesville is really starting to feel like an official "home away from home, " and that makes everything so much more comfortable and relaxed. Classes seem pretty rad so far, especially psychology. It was nice to see that Rebecca, an old friend from Astronomy, was still alive, since Drew and I hadn't seen her online all summer and were almost convinced that she had died. Before psychology started yesterday, the professor put on "Human Beings" by Bjork, so instantly, I had a good feeling about the class. I'm confident that it will carry throughout the rest of the semester.

While on campus today, there was a Rock 104 booth with several people gathered around it, so i stopped by and picked up some free stuff. They were saying that cds would be given out to anyone who would do something crazy, so i asked "how crazy?" and they told me...so i accepted the mission, and when the first car stopped at the nearest crosswalk, i walked over to it and motioned for the driver to roll down the window. lucky (or unlucky) for me, she was pretty cute. after the window's decent, i asked, with an accent that surprised myself, "Pardon me, but do you have any Grey Poupon?" She smiled, and said no...and i returned to the Rock 104 booth, welcomed by cheers and applause...so that was pretty rad. picked up a cd, which i have yet to listen to... - a band called "Breaking Point." it was either that, or Offspring, other crap/stuff i had, or a shirt. the experience was enough for me, though... - i never do stuff like that. i'm so high on life lately, it's nuts...

oh, made a new friend today - her name's Nicole, and she's in my Italian class, so i'm sure that this will prove useful during the semester. she seems nice... - first year at UF.

Roberson has an AWESOME girlfriend! she's real cute, smart, and has a truly amazing voice. better than most female vocalists on the radio, and probably the best singer i've ever met. can we say "duet?" rock on, Ashley...

Drew's gettin' over a little heartbreak, but i'm confident that he'll be fine by the end of the week. For those out of the loop, he met a girl over the summer, named Lauren...and she's pretty awesome, but she doesn't want drew right now...and he definitely wants her. She sees him as someone she could marry in like, 8 years...but she wants to meet other guys right now... - not ready for anything serious, which is totally understandable, but shitty for drew. that kid NEEDS a helping hand, if you know what i mean, and i'm sure you do...but in all seriousness, he's definitely ready for and deserving of a girl...as long as she's worthy of my approval.

should be able to post something about that all-important decision that i mentioned in my last post by this weekend...

ciao ciao...

-aj

::: posted by AJBrotz at 12:00 PM

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Sunday, August 25, 2002 :::

everything always falls back into place eventually...

school resumes tomorrow...i'm looking forward to it. something new. band camp was the perfect preamble to this...i'm more content with and proud of myself than i've ever been before...very secure. i feel taller.

Blindside is a great band...i recommend them whole-heartedly. start off with "Sleepwalking," and if you like that one, just...buy the cd. it's only 6.99 at best buy. great lyrics...an abundance of talent and originality...and one of the best stage shows i've EVER seen. All i have to say about their stage presence is this: CARTWHEELS WHILE PLAYING GUITAR. astounding.

so...there's a really, REALLY significant decision facing me right now... - probably THE most important decision i've ever been faced with...but i'm too tired to talk about it right now, so i'll leave you all in suspense. 'till next time...

-aj

::: posted by AJBrotz at 10:59 PM

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Monday, August 19, 2002 :::

Band Camp has been goin' on since Wednesday... - while practicing the previous night for auditions, Drew and Denny decided to pay me a surprise visit, which was freakin' awesome...but i wound up getting less than 2 hours of sleep. so...i didn't make snare, which was totally fine, cuz i know that my form isn't all that great - it never has been. next, i tried out for bass...but i didn't know any of the music, and hadn't played bass since 9th grade...and that was bullshit - technique, compliments of Mr. Parker...and they already had enough rockin' bass drum players, so i didn't make that audition. SO, that brought me to the cymbal line. now, before going into the audition, i'd told myself that if i didn't make snare or bass, i wasn't going to stay with FDL (Florida Drum Line)...but i spent the day with the cymbals, and it actually seemed halfway decent...so i decided to give it a shot for another day.
Each day has been better than the previous one, but it's pretty freakin' hard work. i AM totally out of shape, but seriously, playing cymbals is harder for me than snare or bass EVER was. with snare and bass, your shoulders/back get tired...but with cymbals, your hands, arms, and shoulders just DIE. of course, this is largely due to the fact that FDL is MUCH MORE HARDCORE than Winter Springs Band ever was...or will be, i'm sure. it's awesome...i'm loving it...and look forward to playing in front of thousands of people. GO DRUMS! errrr...cymbals? ...besides. Monkeys play cymbals.

so, on the other side of the coin...some asshole broke into my car and stole my stereo. he actually pried my window off of my car to get inside. i was absolutely shocked when i realized the window had been removed, and crushed when i saw that my beautiful blue cd/mp3 player had been "jacked." so...filed the police report, but that's not gonna do any good, cuz i don't have the serial number for the cd player, and i had duck taped the window back before going to the station, so they couldn't dust for prints (there were several conflicting circumstances...not just my stupidity.) anyway...no more tunes. bummer to the MAX.

i'm literally falling asleep...

::: posted by AJBrotz at 9:28 PM

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Tuesday, August 06, 2002 :::

maybe it's just me, but the worst way to say goodbye to someone when online is to simply type "bye." i loathe that. please...if you're reading this...never end an online conversation with me with that three-letter word.

poll: If I am to purchase one of the three next-generation video-gaming systems, which one should i get? Sony's Playstation 2, Microsoft's X-Box, or Nintendo's Game Cube? so far, I'm leaning towards X-Box...comments are strongly desired.

Signs is a FABULOUS movie. 5 stars. very possibly the best movie of the year, thus far.

if you'd like to laugh until you pee your pants, rent Kung Pow! Enter the Fist. it's a sure-fire winner if you enjoyed Mystery Science Theater and/or Ace Ventura.

fans of Memento/American Beauty/GOOD MOVIES should DEFINITELY check out Donnie Darko. I saw it last week, and already, it has made it into my top 10 movies of all time.

best cd of the year, in my opinion: Mad at Gravity: Resonance. still waiting on a few more releases, though...

anyone needing to see Austin Powers 3, or wanting to see Master of Disguise?

i leave for Gainesville this weekend. mixed feelings...mainly nervous about marching band auditions. so much music to memorize before the 14th. i wish they made pills for procrastinators.

meaningful tangent: I'm enjoying getting older. it's pretty awesome...i'm still learning, still maturing...and it seems that my capacity for knowledge, and my overall understanding of life is expanding. in general, it's really exciting...and that, just that, is the most comforting feeling i have right now. smiley.

::: posted by AJBrotz at 12:29 AM

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Tuesday, July 30, 2002 :::

Top 5 movies of all time, anyone?

Mine (for the moment, anyway) are as follows, in varying order...

Grosse Point Blank
Fight Club
Moulin Rouge
The Crow
Dark City

::: posted by AJBrotz at 11:26 PM

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Monday, July 29, 2002 :::

Due to recent inspiration, courtesy of the island, I'll be putting this blog on indefinite hiatus. Time to think less and act more. Btw...the internet really is NOT a good thing. Go outside.

::: posted by AJBrotz at 12:33 AM

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Thursday, July 18, 2002 :::

Intuition. Insight. Emotions. Feelings.
Take the quiz.

i need to live here. on the beach. or at least have a house here. need. it just feels like home. i experienced an absolutely perfect sunset tonight - while running along the shore, i noticed that part of it jutted out into the ocean...-a sandbar. i went out to the edge of it, alone, except for a few seagulls flying overhead, and this one elegant, proud, grayish crane-like bird, who i could have walked over to if i had wanted to. he was looking for dinner, and i was watching the sun set. beautifully. if this sounds trite, that's really too bad...because it really was an awesome experience...and i know that you would had to have been there... - anyway. i sat there for about an hour, watching this perfect sunset...surrounded by literally trillions of shells. infinite, it seemed. and the breeze...nonstop... - it really was perfect. all of it. i would have loved to share it with someone...but only someone who truly would have appreciated it on same level that i did...and sadly, i can think of few friends (no offense at ALL) who wouldn't have gotten bored...or would have simply stuck it out for my sake...or whatever...and that's fine and all... - i'd rather have no one there than someone forcing it, and by "it," i mean anything. the small things are so unspeakably important to me...on a level where verbal awareness or acknowledgement is absolutely unnecessary and detrimental to the moment... - either you feel it, or you don't, basically. it's that simple...or that complicated, depending on the person, i suppose. you know what's terrifying? how history shows that ageing = closing off your emotional/psychic/______ receptiveness. it all goes back to the whole thing where children seem like they see, or know, what adults just don't...and i'm praying so hard that i hang onto whatever it is that keeps that openness...open. and i hope that everyone aware of this..."phenomena" or whatever u want to call it realizes that it's fragile...and priceless...and so, so awesome. i can see that my parents have lost a lot of it... - every now and then i see a flicker, but...eh. and maybe everyone isn't born with this openness...but i choose to believe that everyone is. it goes along with my belief in divinity, i suppose...belief in the soul, etc. no one is going to read this :) and that's probably good. i sound selfish throughout most of it...and it's only after typing for this long that i really get honest...that i start typing for myself. but now i've acknowledged it, and the authenticity is sure to fade soon...so we'll try this again another night. is it possible to be depressed, but think that you're happy? i don't think so. stupid online quizes, i swear to God. the Beatles were/are fabulous.

::: posted by AJBrotz at 1:09 AM

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Saturday, July 06, 2002 :::

::: posted by AJBrotz at 12:23 PM

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Friday, July 05, 2002 :::

This is a story about a girl named Avril... - Lavigne, that is.

What a crazy canuck! And to think - I once entertained the possibility of her being my rock-and-roll soulmate. What was that all aboot?

Thanks go to Mr. Brent Turner (PapaBear18) for the 411 on this out-of-control Canadian pop-rock-star.

Brent offered to tell me Miss Lavigne's story after I inquired about my cd booklet, which he was going to attempt to have her sign for me.

The following events occurred July 4th, around 1:30 AM:

JMunkey: is my booklet still in tact?
PapaBear18: yeah
PapaBear18: its still good
PapaBear18: i couldnt get the autograph tho
PapaBear18: wanna hear what happen?
JMunkey: no problem...-was she too busy smokin' pot?
JMunkey: yes
PapaBear18: well
PapaBear18: aropund 1;30
PapaBear18: cops came to her room
PapaBear18: it was trashed
PapaBear18: severly damage
PapaBear18: she was drunka
PapaBear18: and high
PapaBear18: along with her guitar plaer
PapaBear18: they found her
PapaBear18: took all the bands stuff
PapaBear18: through it out
PapaBear18: and kicked her out of the hotel
PapaBear18: arrested her manager
JMunkey: lol, wow...
PapaBear18: while the guitar player snuck out the back
PapaBear18: and ran into the park
JMunkey: and what became of him?
PapaBear18: dont know
PapaBear18: didnt see
JMunkey: i see...is that the end of the story?
PapaBear18: thats all that we saw
JMunkey: jeez...that's pretty crazy.
JMunkey: thank you for the story...-i shall blog it so that the people may know the truth.
PapaBear18: lol
PapaBear18: you do that

It's done, Brent...it's done.

May the truth set you free.

ps...Although the multitudinous errors in spelling and grammar may suggest it, I promise that Mr. Turner was not innebriated in any unnatural way when he relayed Miss Lavigne's story to me. Do not blame Brent; blame his insatiable desire for my mother's delicious peanut-butter and jelly sandwiches. I am sure that these cravings stole away his attention during past english classes. It was either that...or incessant daydreaming about his own soulmate. Probably a combination of the two...-it is likely that Brent spent most of his time in class dreaming about Annie finding...creative and stimulating ways to feed him peanut-butter and jelly sandwiches. mmmmmm...

::: posted by AJBrotz at 5:54 PM

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Saturday, June 29, 2002 :::

I'm exceptionally artistic!

Find your soul type at kelly.moranweb.com.

::: posted by AJBrotz at 10:34 PM

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Incubus rocked my socks off. Being crushed against the railing was shitty, but it was rad being so close to the band. Phantom Planet was all-out rock and roll...very cool, very energetic. This was definitely the best show i've been to in...i can't remember how long. The Juliana Theory show was an absolute joke in comparison.

so, most everyone knows about my all-out honesty with my parents, and the whole end-to-drinking thing...and maybe a few of my "friends" have been somewhat supportive, or even merely understanding - and to those people (drew and melo, primarily), i extend unconditional love and gratitude. but overall, this just sucks. i mean, it's good on one end, because it's easier to see where certain people place their priorities and how much they value their friendships...well, okay, honestly, it all just sucks right now. i just can't understand the mentality that exists when someone decides that they don't want to hang with you because you've decided to stop drinking and start being completely honest - with yourself, and everyone else. actually, maybe i can understand it, but i could never relate to it...and i really think it's pathetic. someone "close" to me even said that he doesn't think he'll be visiting Gainesville anymore, now that it's "dry." all i can say in response is FUCK THAT, and FUCK YOU. that's seriously fucked up, and it hurts. with that known, to tell u the truth, i really don't want you coming to Gainesville ever again, anyway. dammit...what the shit is that? how can getting drunk really be so important and enjoyable to the point where it actually takes precidence over relationships? i want to move away...and not just 2 hours away. i want to move out of the country...i want to sever all connections with everyone that i know...i want to start over, clean slate. i really just want freedom, from being made fun of, from thoughtlessness, from any and all restrictions, other than those that i place on myself. i want to be in complete control...and somehow, i don't think that's possible. and THAT, Alan, is a depressing thought.

my acoustic and i have gotten very close lately. it's wonderful...i absolutely lulululove it.

The Used: high quality cd, great lyrics/emotion. BUY.
Norah Jones - Come Away with Me: relaxing, but...not as good as i was hoping it would be. kinda contrived. LISTEN.
Reel Big Fish - Cheer Up: very high quality music...big talent. gotta be in the mood, though. BUY.
Avril Lavigne - Let Go: not bad at all. lacking intelligence, but...i dunno, i like her. good voice, decent music. LISTEN.
Vanessa Carlton - Be Not Nobody: GREAT band, but Vanessa can get quite annoying. very dramatic music. LISTEN.
Finch - What it is to Burn: energetic, driving heavy music with great hooks. BUY.
New Found Glory - Sticks and Stones: disappointing, but there are a few rockin' songs. HEAR.
Phantom Planet - The Guest: interesting stuff...refreshing. some tracks are very Beatles-esque, which is great, but the others range from decent to blah. LISTEN.

Shits and giggles: Orange County. Evolution.
Worth buying: Vanilla Sky. Grosse Point Blank. Moulin Rouge.
Date flick: Serendipity.

Date restaurant: Peppinos (!!!)

The second island trip is fast approaching. I'm very, very excited, but i'm afraid that i may eventually wind up biting some people's heads off. we'll see, but one thing is for sure: i've been away from the ocean for far too freakin' long. it's bizarre how strongly i'm attracted to water - of any sort, really. i guess it's a natural, animalistic thing...a desire for the beginning, the source of creation. whatever...-i just want to sink to the bottom of a pool or something, and just sit for a while, since it's really difficult for me to lay down with my bouyancy, or however you spell it. water water water. i'm thirsty. H20.

-fish out of water.

::: posted by AJBrotz at 1:59 AM

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Sunday, June 23, 2002 :::

Which monkey are you?

::: posted by AJBrotz at 11:23 PM

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Wednesday, June 19, 2002 :::

bored outta my head, so might as well blog.

cleaned out my closet with the 'rents last week...-definitely a wise decision with positive outcome. i basically un-lied everything i've lied to them about - all the big lies that i remember, anyway. lying to my parents has gotten very, very old - my conscience is very exhausted, and my stomach is sick and tired of being sick and tired. soooo, no more drinking (at all) for 2 whole years...unless the circumstances would allow for me to be confident in receiving approval from my parents. it's totally not worth the risks involved, anyway...and i've witnessed first-hand the physical, emotional, psychological and legal consequences that often follow: frightening/pathetic/imbecilic/that's enough for me. think what you will, think what you may - my mind is made, the stance is solid.

let's bitch a little. this being-skinny-business has got to go. i'm stockin' up on Carnation Instant Breakfasts, other milkshakes, chocolate milk, and other stuff to get me fat. ANY AND ALL SUGGESTIONS FOR FATTENING FOODS ARE MORE THAN WELCOME. i may resort to something like Weight Gainer 2000...-we'll have to see how the shakes and instant breakfasts go. exercise is also a must...gotta start running regularly. lifting 20 lb dumbbells thrice a day isn't going to cut it.

songs of the summer thus far:
"Your Signs" by Nonpoint
"Sway" by Vanessa Carlton
"Letters to You" by Finch
and others that i can't quite remember at this moment.

19th birthday came and went - for the first time, i'm actually kinda' not for the getting-older-thing. 20 seems old. juan and will are 20...but...i never thought about it before my b-day. no more teens. childhood - kaput...kinda sorta. i dunno, it's all psychological, but this past one was the first birthday that made me stop and think for a second. is it truly possible to remain young-at-heart without forcing it at least a little bit? here's to staying young-at-heart *raises glass of water to screen*

coming soon...a review of what might have been the worst concert i've ever witnessed: Piebald, Glassjaw, and The Juliana Theory.

-aj

::: posted by AJBrotz at 11:48 PM

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Sunday, June 16, 2002 :::

Find your emotion!

::: posted by AJBrotz at 10:12 PM

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Thursday, June 06, 2002 :::

so...what's been goin' on for the past month. lots of working for my parents...much time spent at movie theaters...and, of course,
"Pizza in the mornin', pizza in the evenin', pizza at supper time!"

cinemania: Star Wars: Episode 2 was pretty freakin' awesome - on the DIGITAL PROJECTOR, of course. Spiderman was pretty tight...but NOT, i repeat, NOT as good as X-Men. Insomnia was very very good - Christopher Nolan has done it again, with the help of superb performances from Pacino, Willams, and Swank. The Sum of All Fears definitely surpassed my expectations - "Affleck was the BOMB in Phantoms," and I've yet to see a poor film that stars Morgan Freeman. Undercover Brother was incredibly stupid...but freakin' hilarious, nonetheless. Meghan and Steph walked out of the theater after 15 minutes of it...but i assure you, it is worth seeing. maybe not worth paying for...but worth seeing. Ocean's Eleven was decent...nothing to scream about, or even talk about, really. Harry Potter is entertaining...the Godfather was freakin' amazingwonderfulawesome...and The Ammityville Horror (sp?) was damn freaky. I highly recommend it if you're looking for a movie that's actually kinda' scary, since most "horror" movies fail miserably. GO was probably one of the best movies i've seen in quite a while...very well done. GO SEE IT if you haven't already. trust me...and if you can't trust me for some reason, trust in the beauty of Katie Holmes. there's an attractive guy in the film, too...but i dunno his name. tear.

work has been great, considering the small amount of work that i actually do. sometimes it's fairly intense, but most of the time, it's more of watching my dad and learning than actual labor. earning money is freakin' awesome...-and it's making me realize how much of my parents' money i've been spending while away at college. i really need to cut back. and...that's about it. oh...one cool thing coming up next week is that i'll be going out to work on Justin Timberlake's pool next week. "solid."

Absent is getting back into shape...we've played one show since i've been back, and we have another coming up at the Social (Sapphire Supper Club). i had better see EVERYONE I KNOW at that one. details should be available soon. we're still working on a new demo, courtesy of Will's friend Andrew, but i think that the best way for us to go would be to save up and pay to go back to the studio. i dunno...personally, i don't think we're quite ready for that, but...whatever. rock and roll, man.

this summer has been quite different from past summers...-primarily because practically all of my friends have romantic interests/involvements while i am completely without. it's crazy how lonely you feel when you're in a room, surrounded by couples, and all you have is a pillow to hold onto. i don't mean to bitch about it...but it's a new level of loneliness that i've never really experienced before, so it's worth writing about for a brief while. I long for a relationship...but at the same time, i know firsthand the consequences of romantic involvement for the solitary sake of having someone there when you need/want the comfort/touch/correspondance/COMPANY. all of that is extremely important and desirable, of course, but when it's grounded in nothing but greed and want, after a short while, everything turns to shit. so...i'm fighting off the urges, hoping for something new (or something old that will somehow appear newly attractive to me) to cross my path - something substantial. true potential has to be there before i dare make things kinetic.

as for Lauren, it's probably as obvious to everyone else as it is to her and me that nothing is going to come of it all. despite how hard i've fought against it, the truth is that we just don't click in that romantic, soul-sharing way...and i know that neither of us wants to settle for anything less than that specialness.

bought 2 books recently: Bram Stoker's Dracula and Mary Shelly's Frankenstein. I've been told several times before that i should read these classics, so i've made it a summer goal.

9 days until i turn 19. the most interesting thing about it all is the apparent decline in my birthday's importance. i guess it's one of those things that comes with age...but that just sucks, man. i remember being so freakin' excited about my birthday each year...and it's sad that the stereotypical growing-up-ness is taking place here. i'm trying to hold it at bay, but...something tells me that the battle is going to end in futility.

well...sorry if i bored anyone, but it'd been quite a while since i'd written anything in this thing. comments are welcome, as always. if anyone wants to get together and do something (anything), call me up on my cell.

Anne: i WILL call you soon. start thinking of things to do...
Island Crew 2002: $50 down payments are due, and the full balance is due by June 15th. Call me...
Drew: I miss living with you! We'll be roomies again in no time, though!
Komo: I fucking hate you, you heartless chimp! ROT IN HELL!

-aj

::: posted by AJBrotz at 11:35 PM

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Friday, May 10, 2002 :::

a life led by actions and associations of mere convenience is hardly worth living. live outside the box.

::: posted by AJBrotz at 10:56 PM

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Tuesday, April 30, 2002 :::

things have been going really well lately...-it's absolutely amazing what a little time outside does for one's spirits.

feelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeelfeel

now that classes are over, i'm ALMOST stress-free. GLORIOUS. all that remains is Thursday's astronomy exam, which i should be studying for right now...

lately, i've just been spending most of my time thinking...mainly about myself...trying to REALLY figure myself out and establish a consistent Alan. more and more, i realize how envious i am of certain people...certain friends of mine who seem more self-confident, more secure. all in all, i wish i was stronger, i guess. less reserved, more vocal...etc. and i hate how cynical i've become...-how it takes so much to impress me...to really get me excited. but...maybe all of this is simply who i am, for better or for worse. i am seeing growth over time, but not nearly at the rate that i'd prefer.
a particularly frightening scenario that i may be presented with in the near future is "fronting" my band, without a guitar. that guitar (or a drum set) has always been there to kinda shield me from the audience...-it gave me something to hold on to. know what i'm saying? anyway, a frontman has to have an exhorbent (sp?) amount of energy and enthusiasm, especially for the type of music that Absent plays. when i think of energy, i think of Will, and the absolute admiration and envy that i hold for his unrestrained (albeit goofy and immature, at times) light (life-force, energy; insert better noun here: __________). i'm pretty sure that that's what has always caused me to look up to him...-that and the fact that he's basically the only older sibling-esque family member that i have.

and i'm starting to lose confidence in my voice.

it's freakin' awesome that most everyone that i've talked to had a fabulous time at prom...while i chilled here with a few friends and watched Original Sin - which, by the way, is a pretty damn good movie. it's kinda hard to make it through the whole thing...but you'll be glad that you did.

i'm contemplating attempting to steal a dvd...-from which store, i don't know. appropriately, it is entitled "Steal this Movie." it's GREAT, and i'm sure that after you check it out, you'll understand why i'd love to own it, but hate to buy it.

all my love and prayers to 2 particular families.

-aj

::: posted by AJBrotz at 5:12 PM

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Tuesday, April 23, 2002 :::

::: posted by AJBrotz at 12:40 AM

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Sunday, April 21, 2002 :::

"You believe in polluting the environment, starving children overseas, letting poor people rot in the streets, and enforcing the death penalty for people who speed. and i believe in feeding the masses, raping the rich, letting murderers roam the streets freely, allowing animals to run for elected office, and destroying capitalism all together in creating a demotivated communist society governed by a chimp named komo."

-Drew, on our political differences.

::: posted by AJBrotz at 11:09 PM

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Thursday, April 18, 2002 :::

Take the What
animal best portrays your sexual appetite?? Quiz

::: posted by AJBrotz at 1:45 PM

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Saturday, April 13, 2002 :::

and though it's been said many times, in many ways...my GOD time flies. where oh where does it go.

So...i've been full of creative thoughts lately, but no outlet. no outlet. when i'm struck by inspiration, i'm usually on my way to the bus stop, or some other destination...and it's not like there's really anything that i can do with the thoughts that i have...except talk to someone about them, and Drew is great for that - but i wish someone new would magically appear. maybe i should start thinking my thoughts out loud, and some passerby will catch a few words and string together a sentence, and confront me with inclination to engage in discussion over whatever i had been thinking of at the time. thoughts like...what if, while sleeping, i've died?...and this existence here and now is actually another "lifetime" that seems to agree with my past memories? it's totally plausible...and if it HAS occurred, who knows how many lives i've lived? and then i think about memories, and how they're really the only evidence we have of a past...so then, i think of the possibilities brought up by the movie Dark City, where as people slept, their memories were extracted and replaced by others that were engineered in a laboratory, and their homes/surroundings were completely rearranged to fit their new memories...-it's all quite possible in this "real" world that we're all floating around in right now. Drew relayed another intriguing possibility to me the other day, one that is apparently believed by the creater of the Dilbert comic: It is understood that the universe is expanding...that galaxies are moving further and further apart, extending the boundaries of our universe - that's all considered factual. The creator of Dilbert believes in the possibility that everything is GROWING, including us humans. everything is "growing" at an equal rate, and thus, no one can even realize it. I completely agree that this is a valid theory, but it also brings up another possibility, at least in my head - isn't it plausible that we're all "shrinking" instead?...and the rest of the universe is shrinking at a slightly slower rate, which makes it seem like it's expanding? i think this is just as possible as Dilbert's theory, although his is more pleasing to the mind, because it makes me think that i'm growing, lol, even though i'll never be able to realize it by comparing my height with the heights of others. but back to the "shrinking" theory - if everything is shrinking, then it logically follows that we might be miniscule, u know? like ants...and like ants, the relative size of our peers convinces us that we are of decent size...-our whole universe might still be the tiny point in space that we thought it was before the supposed big bang. okay...i'm starting to confuse even myself with these last tidbits here...but i got most of what i wanted out into the blog. craziness. but wait, there's also the question of what exists outside of our universe, since the universe is understood to be all that there is, PERIOD. so...we're supposed to believe that nothing exists outside of our universe...but then, what is our universe expanding into, if we're to believe the popular theory that our universe IS expanding? apparently, there's a book that attempts to answer, or at least, investigate, some of these questions...i think it is entitled NOTHING, by Hydegar, or something. I can't seem to find it...so maybe i got bad information. i think it's all quite fascinating, though...and i pray that everything remains a mystery, because EVERYTHING is a mystery, really. Everything is built upon theory. Everything. whether it is science, or religion, or whatever - none of it is concrete. It's all a matter of what we as individuals choose to believe in.

i was expecting a "good" friend today...or at the very least, a phone call...but nothing. i guess the best, and only, thing that i can really do about it is laugh, and leave it behind me as trivial...-i truly doubt that an attempt at relaying my feelings on it all to this person would make a difference. but i guess i've just done all of that, haven't i...

and i'm left thinking that my lack of inspiration to write over the past however many days has truly been a result of my lack of...well...depression. i hate to say that, cuz it's so cliche...and i would love to believe that it's just as easy to string together sentences of meaning and feeling when things are swell and peachy...but...i just don't see that. i hate that. maybe i'll get to where that's possible? -but i fear that that will require NOT simply acceptance, but ignorance, as well...and i don't want anymore ignorance than i already have. man, all of this would be reduced soooo heavily if i was living in the 80s! such a great decade...

the lead voice in the theme song from the old cartoon "Jem" is really sexy. drew and i really dig it, to the 87590473rd power. a thousand thank you's to Megs for reminding me of that show :)

Next weekend should be absolutely wonderful...all of my best friends together, relaxing, partying...-will there be more lazer tag around the apartment complex? -more filling condoms with water until they burst? we'll have to see, but one thing is for sure: we'll have plenty of Grover!

Andrew A. (i'm suddenly hesitant to list last names, since anyone in the world can read this) mentioned to me that he's going to UCF - for MUSIC TECHNOLOGY. This is the subject that i've always been interested in...everyone who knows me knows that my real passion is music, and my dream is to make a career out of it...and the microchip holds all the opportunities for the future, so it follows that Music Technology is an appropriate solution to my question of future occupation. HOWEVER, I'm at UF...and i really do like it here...and i'd miss Drew a WHOLE HELL OF A LOT. We really have become brothers...-it's unspeakably hard to imagine college without him right now. but practically all of my other friends are down near UCF...not to mention my family...and it's like, i'm still searching for something to ignite inspiration here, while i know that music would more than suffice...so...i'm still thinking about it all. i could minor in English and major in Music Technology, perhaps...and then move out to California? God, that's such an excitingterrifyingintimidatingpromising concept - moving across the entire United States to pursue a dream. but i could do it...i know i could. i'd just love to bring someone along with me...someone to share in all of the uncertainty...the adventure :) I smile just thinking about it...

Depeche Mode really has some great songs...-another shining star spawned from the 80s! I swear, Music, Television, Lunchboxes, Movies, Toys...freakin' everything was better in the 80s. www.yesterdayland.com, baby. do it.

Birthday shout-outs:
Steph - i believe you! you must have broken up with Drew! he could never be good enough for you!
Drew - i believe you! you must have broken up with Steph! She could never be good enough for you!
Frank - i believe you! you must have broken up with Will! He could never be good enough for you!
Will - i believe you! you must hav- wait. it's not your birthday.

I hope everyone has been checking out 30 Seconds to Mars...but for a lighter, more carefree, upbeat shade of rock, check out Sense Field. Excellent entree for ears our age...

Cinematic recommendations:
Mulholland Drive (!!!)
Steal this Movie
Parenthood
Joe Dirt

I feel that i could write endlessly...but Bubba and his burgers are beckoning me. mmmmmmm...cow...

::: posted by AJBrotz at 7:54 PM

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Thursday, April 04, 2002 :::

woweewowowow. 30 SECONDS TO MARS.
GREAT band. Jared Leto (yes, it's the same Jared Leto) can really rip on vocals. I know I've said this sort of thing several times before about other bands, but this time I have no doubt or half-heartedness: 30S2M is extremely original, and beautifully executed. I first heard them literally years ago off of an Immortal Records sampler, and really dug what I was hearing...but the new tracks that have surfaced work better to distinguish their sound. space rock to the max, with great evocation of emotion. glistening atmospherical textures from the guitars and programming make for soundwaves that are soothing and rockin' at the same time...and Leto's wonderful voice / activation of words that appeal to the ear are...perfect. this is a great band - each element works well with the others to create one sonic environment that completely consumes the listener. so...do yourself a favor and try to download some tracks from 30 Seconds to Mars - go to www.shoutweb.com and click on "Hear Capricorn" in the upper-right corner of the page to listen to the first track off the cd. others can be found on Audio Galaxy. The full-length debut will be released on June 18th - 2 days after my birthday! enjoy...and let me know your thoughts after you listen.

::: posted by AJBrotz at 2:38 PM

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Wednesday, March 27, 2002 :::

i need to just write everything down whenever i think about it from now on. the other day, i thought of something significant that had happened that should have been put in this blog...but now it's gone. "Leonard syndrome."

UPDATE: 5 HOURS LATER, I remember what it was that I wanted to write about. I found an ideal wedding song, which i hope will someday be my own: "A Whiter Shade of Pale." Originally done by Procol Harum - Annie Lennox, Sarah Brightman, and several others have done their own renditions of the song, and most all of them are fabulous...but if i had my way, i'd have a select group of my musically-inclined friends perform an original arrangement of it - I already have a list of individuals going, and it's soooo freakin' cool so far. But man...I was such a sappy mess when I was downloading all the different versions, thinking of what a perfect song it would be. Drew shared in all of it, and we both got all mushy and teary and such. SO, everyone go download one or two versions of the song and revel in its beauty. I cannot wait...it's going to be a fabulous wedding. Now, all i have to do is find a wife...

I DO, however, remember going to witness Gene Simmons (!!!) give a speech last night at the O'Connell Center (on campus). Very cool individual... - i'm not gonna' go into detail, cuz you really had to be there to understand, but he had several great stances on important subjects, and an overall interesting outlook on life. I bought his book, and he signed it after the speech...and we shook hands...and it was awesome. i shook hands with a rock and roll legend/millionaire/man who has had over 4,600 liasons (girls that he has slept with). pretty rad to say the least...

drew has gone to Dr. Overbay's funeral service today, at St. Mary Magdelens' Church in Altamonte. It's definitely a sad occasion, and i'm sure that i'd be sad if i had gotten to know her - or maybe i wouldn't? i'm really not sure. the more i think about it, death really is nothing to be afraid of...nothing to mourn. of course, it would be tough getting through times without the person that passed away...but the memories live on, and the belief (if you believe) that the person has ascended to a better place should be extremely comforting. the only real thing i can think of that's associated with death that deserves mourning is suffering on the dying person's part. and i don't agree with the whole idea of mass-mourning at a funeral. if anything, there should be joyous celebration of that individual's life...a freakin' party, man. i can't conceive of the idea that a spirit, watching his or her funeral from high, would be filled with happiness at the site of all of his or her friends and loved ones crying because this wonderful soul achieved a respectable, well-lived life and finally rose to his or her place in heaven. -just doesn't make sense to me. I'd definitely prefer an awesome, no-holds-barred celebration in memorandum. and everyone would NOT have to wear black.

::: posted by AJBrotz at 4:55 PM

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Monday, March 25, 2002 :::

10 Days Later...

Much has happened, and I'm far too tired to recap it all. Highlights only...

I believe it was March 13th when the Lataliano household was invaded by many, many friends of drew's and mine. let's see...how many kids? it must have been more than eleven, and all of them spent the night! WE HAD A BLAST, though, and it seriously reminded me of how freakin' awesome my friends are, and how vital a roll it is that they play in my life. I feel very, very sorry for any person who does not realize and appreciate the worth of friendship...*coughexdookiecough*. That night, 3 of Rob's fellas came over, along with Mr. Cohol and friends. Chaos ensued - but at a manageable level. Several games of darts were played, and resulted in the puncturing of stools and kitchen tile - but the sacrifices were definitely worth the high entertainment value!
Some acoustic jamming here, a little cigar smoking there, a little alcohol throughout, lazer tag wars around the apartment complex...it all made for an untterly fabulous time. This was the sort of thing that teenage years are supposed to consist of. I wouldn't trade it for the world...and if ever needed to, might even trade the world for it. THANK YOU!

I remember having a really awesome day...-it was March 15th, the same day as my last post. I actually made 2 new, real friends here at college, so that's freakin' awesome. Cesar and Rebecca are their names - they rock it hardcore alongside Drew and me in Astronomy. Rebecca is nice...but Cesar is my SOUL-BEST-FRIEND. that kid is awesome...hilarious, smart, and just straight-up cool. Plus, practically every male in his family is named Cesar. How crazy is that! Cesar kicks ass. Drew and I also discovered that my soulmate, a sweet, attractive young girl, is living in the room directly above us. What does this mean? It means that my soulmate sleeps on top of me every night. I often wonder if she's sleeping on her stomach while I'm sleeping on my back...

The new Korn album has leaked, and I was fortunate enough to download every track off of it. UNfortunately, I am hardly impressed. Korn has always been a huge chapter of my life, but...the band has just started off in a direction that's too dark and depressing for me to follow. There are about 3 tracks that I dig, but...that's not enough reason to purchase the cd when it's released in May. What does this mean? It means that "Untouchables" will be the first album from Korn that I will refrain from purchasing. 'Tis sad, I know...but it's a step in the right direction.

I wrote an entire freakin' ten-page paper for Human Sexuality last night and this morning. TEN PAGES, plus a title page and a reference page, over the course of about ten hours - this, of course, means that I did not sleep but 2 hours last night. To make things more interesting, I apparently slept through my alarm, which is very curious, because the simple clicking-on of my stereo usually serves as enough noise to wake me up. Anyway, my Human Sex class begins at 10:40 in the morning, and since I slept through my alarm, I did not wake up in time to make it punctually. However, "Jesus loves me, yes he does." God smiled upon me by causing Rebecca (remember, my new friend?) to call and wake me up at about 11:15 in the morning. "What the FUCK," I exclaimed aloud, as I realized that I had slept through my alarm and would consequentially miss my Human Sex class (CUZ BUS TRANSPORTATION IS INCREDULOUSLY SLOW). I literally jumped out of bed, threw on my shoes, and ran out of the apartment (luckily, I had dressed myself before going to bed 2.5 hours earlier.) I didn't stop running until I reached the bus stop, and for me, that's a pretty good run, being the lazy, out-of-shape bastard that I am. So the bus finally comes at about 11:23, and we arrive at school at 11:40. RIDICULOUS amount of time to get to school, since it hardly takes 5 minutes by car. Fortunately, my Human Sexuality discussion group meets on Mondays at 11:45, so I ran there, heart pounding with fear, hopeful that my TA would accept the paper. Ironically (and to my HUGE relief), Rebecca (the TA, not my friend) accepted the paper with no resistance, and even added that she would be accepting papers until the end of class. I collapsed into my seat.



THE BEST PART OF THIS POST IS RIGHT HERE:

-OPERATION: COVERT OPERATION Briefing - Part One-

Drew Bagley, Juan Chirinos, and Alan Brotz (also known as 3 of the 4 Latalianos) combined their efforts, and over the course of approximately 3 insanely long, drawn out days of work, achieved a truly amazing accomplishment. The working title for this project is Operation: Codename Operation,
while the official title is PRICELESS. What exactly this astonishing work of blood, sweat, and tears entails, I cannot reveal. There will come a time for each of you when the Latalianos will unveil their masterpiece, and rest assured that your time will come soon. Appointments with at least two of the Latalianos must be made in order to experience the Latalian phenomenon. In the meantime, prepare yourself with intensive military training, exposure to Soviet montage, strainuous exercise routines, and, of course: SEX, DRUGS, AND ROCK AND ROLL. Further briefing may or may not commence in the near future. END TRANSMISSION.

I'll end this post with a question I was tossing back and forth at around 7:15 this morning when I was trying to fall asleep:
Do you view achieving a place in Heaven as a life-purpose and goal, or as an awesome consequence of living a good, decent life?

love always

::: posted by AJBrotz at 3:32 PM

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Friday, March 15, 2002 :::

gone are the days when the completion of crossword puzzles and word searches rewarded me with exceptional grades and proud smiles.

::: posted by AJBrotz at 1:51 AM

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Thursday, February 28, 2002 :::

It's currently 30 degrees out. In Florida. What kind of nonsense is that?

So, who caught the Grammys? I was bored throughout most of it...although John Stewart was entertaining. The best performance, BY FAR, was Mary J. Blige performing her song "No More Drama," which, by the way, uses the theme music from one of those old soap operas...i think it's "The Young and the Restless." Anyway, she was truly awesome. So much energy...such power...such talent. She had "diva" written all over her. I hope that i'll be able to download that performance in the near future...and i recommend that everyone else tries to do the same.

2 more days of school before Spring Break, so that's cool. I'm definitely lookin' forward to jammin' with my brothers in Absent, as we have lots of new material to work on. Hopefully, I'll be unsick by Saturday, and in possession of my voice. I'm sure that I'll be gettin' together with Juan at some point to celebrate his birthday, as well...I don't even know how old that kid is now. 20, i think. that's INSANE.

to everyone that responded to the "personal ad:" it really was an assignment for Human Sexuality. I thought it was kinda cool...so i posted it...and John Woodward responded, telling me that he was my dream girl...so i guess it wasn't all in vain.

SALADFISHMAN should be posting new stuff soon, so look out for that.

can't think of anything significant to say...so...till next time...g'nite.

::: posted by AJBrotz at 12:38 AM

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Sunday, February 24, 2002 :::

M seeking F. 1st year UF student looking for young, attractive female who enjoys writing, playing, and/or listening to music. Appreciation/enjoyment of modern cinema is a definite plus. Ability to engage in deep, meaningful conversation desired, but only if balanced by activation/appreciation of spontaneous outbursts of nonsensical dialogue. Quick, witty sense of humor is a must.

::: posted by AJBrotz at 6:46 PM

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Wednesday, February 20, 2002 :::

New End Original arrived in the mail yesterday - i'm listening to it right now. exceptional music...can't help but be reminded of Far, Jonah's first band...and ironically, i'm fairly sure that NEO broke up, just as Far did back in the day. nothing gold can stay...but we can hold on to the memories, imprinted on plastic, translated through lazer, wires and more plastic, into our minds and hearts.

Frank has a new blog up and running...check it out at www.thereisnoblog.blogspot.com or just click on "Frank's Blog" up...there.

i've been dreaming vivid dreams recently...about absent, about the girls in my life, about my best friends, about my parents - about everything that's really important, it seems. about the things that i miss...

anyone seen any good flicks lately? i haven't been to see anything since "Not Another Teen Movie."

concert band performs tomorrow night, so i'm lookin' forward to that. University Auditorium is such a beautiful building, inside and out; it used to be a church. i wish that it still was...i've never been to a church like the ones in the movies...and University Auditorium is my ideal movie church. if you kids ever come visit, we'll go check it out.

For a good time, check out www.dumblaws.com

i'm definitely looking forward to having crystal visit this weekend - it'll be a great release from the monotony of...well, living here in the apartment alone, for the most part, since drew is often not here when i am. that's probably my fault, since i'm STILL missing too much school...but anyway. crystal is always a welcome guest. as is ANYONE ELSE that's reading this...

i was thinking that...if anyone was willing to have me try to use his/her poetry in writing music, that could be pretty awesome. i'm still writing my own...but i'd like to experience that of others. just an idea...but definitely let me know if you are interested. you'll receieve all credit, of course...along with whatever "favors" you'd like from me...

Will suggested i join a frat (place your laughter here so that we can continue. _______________________________ done? alrighty). i don't think it'd be a bad idea...might actually be one of the best possible things for me right now, to instill some discipline in this slacker. and i'd meet people...and i'd have a place to go, things to do...-i wouldn't sit on my ass here all the time, doing "nothing." or maybe i should just get a job. frat sounds more fun, but job means money...but how important is money? my food/gas/living expences are taken care of...so...?

Lauren: I hope things are better with your stomach...when do you go back for the "checkup?"

Melo: Did you get the links i've sent you?

Jacob: THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR HELP WITH THE SOON-TO-BE-RELEASED NEW-AND-IMPROVED ABSENT WEBSITE! You're the man...

Brian: Read about that girl visiting you with the "get well" card...that's freakin' awesome. you should never feel unloved again...

Frank: Keep up the trivia, homez. I'll letcha know when i get into town so we can hang out and bullshit like we used to.

Crystal: Thanks again for the cookies! Mmmmmm...

::: posted by AJBrotz at 1:26 PM

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Friday, February 15, 2002 :::

where is the intelligent happy music? i reached the conclusion that that's what i want to do...but...where is it? i don't want punk...i don't want "indie-rock" - my ideal band right now would be a more positive Finger Eleven with more electronic stuff goin' on...maybe a hybrid of Kenna, Jimmy Eat World, and Finger Eleven. that'd be very, very nice. maybe this is simply what i need to shoot for.

picked up Travis: "The Man Who" today (only 9.99)...i nearly fell asleep to it...nice stuff...but it's definitely music that has to accompany the appropriate mood. finally ordered "Thriller" from Jonah's New End Original, which is likely to be both happy and intelligent (rock)...and ordered "August Everywhere" from Blinker the Star for a surprisingly low price...like, 6 something. happy music on the way...

and i think i've realized what this feeling of lostness is. i'm leaving my comfort zone, by myself, in hopes of finding a more fulfilling lifestyle and more honest/positive expressive musical/lyrical outlet. I mean, i've been taking everything way too seriously for my entire life...and there has always been at least a tinge of depression in just about every day i've been alive...and i'm sick of it...but it's not the easiest thing to change the way you live your life overnight. any suggestions for sources of inspiration and comfort would be absolutely beautiful.

i've decided to pick up reading again; i've got Vonnegut, Palahniuk, Tolkien, and others to read...but i don't know that these authors will necessarily aid the new direction i'm wanting to walk in. again...suggestions would be glorious.

heard an interesting idea today. if you're ever feeling down or out of it, take a bath with vegetables. i'm literally laughing out loud just thinking about it...i really think it's a genius idea.

"I don't ever want to say that my best days are behind me"

::: posted by AJBrotz at 1:22 AM

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Thursday, February 14, 2002 :::

word from a reliable source on what happened/is to happen with Stabbing Westward (for those who care):

Heya,
The guys decided that they needed to move on from SW.
That is all the explaination given. They do plan on
working on other musical projects, but I do not know
what projects at this time (not sure if they even
know). As for the songs they were working on, they
will go with the person who wrote it (Chris or Andy)
for use in future projects. As soon as I find out
future projects, it will be posted on the site.

In my opinion I think they were frustrated with how SW
has gone over. Their first 3 albums did only OK, so
they changed styles. The latest album was somewhat of
a flop, but I think it is because of poor marketing by
KOCH. KOCH marketed it to hard rock stations, but the
album wasn't had rock for the most part. Especially
the second single 'Angel'. There was no way a hard
rock station would touch that love song, but that was
all it was marketed to. I think the self titled album
would have done well if marketed more broadly and to
altertaive/rock/top 40 stations. To be honest, I think
SW's older, harder material would do well in todays
market compared to when it was released. SW was ahead
of the game.

Out.
Lance

::: posted by AJBrotz at 10:38 PM

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Happy Valentines Day, you crazy lovebirds...

spent yesterday on the 'net, checkin' out new music. i was watching interviews with Finger Eleven, and they mentioned some of their favorite bands, so i check a few out. Travis is really nice...very pretty music. Maybe a bit too down-tempo for me at the moment, but we'll see. The other band that i looked up was Blinker the Star, and i'm really, really diggin' their stuff. it's happy...it's full...lots of strings (violins, etc)...overall, just GOOD. so...i wouldn't be surprised if i pick it up today at Best Buy, assuming they have it. so...that's my recommendation for the month. Blinker the Star.

I've grown very, very tired of depressing lyrics/music...the type that you feel like your drowning to when you listen. I'm making a conscious effort to stop writing my lyrics in that direction, cuz man...positivity is where it's at. positivity with intelligence. i've definitely got a ways to go with this, but...i'm excited :)

Pizza Hut screwed me over. I ordered a cheese stuffed-crust pizza at 11:40 PM yesterday, and it didn't get here 'till 1:15 AM today. how insane is that? but apparently, the driver got pulled over on the way; "There are POlice everywhere," he told me. so...i'm sorta alright with that. *just give me my pizza, and i won't diminish the tip.* i proceeded to place the pizza in the oven, cuz it was lukewarm...and after about 5 min, began to eat. after 2 slices, i realized that something was...amiss. i removed a little cheese and stuck my finger into what should have been the sauce...but the sauce didn't move. the sauce was not sauce. it was pepperoni. now...this isn't really a bad thing, cuz i don't mind pepporoni - i ate 2 slices without even noticing that it was beneath the cheese. but hey. i'm a poor college student. i payed good money for pizza...it took 1.5 hours to get to me...and it wasn't even what i wanted. so i called Pizza Hut, and i chilled on hold for 10 minutes before hanging up. so...this is unacceptable. the customer is always right (an asshole, maybe, according to Mallrats...but right regardless), and they screwed up my Valentines present to myself...so...compensation will commence. oh yes.

caught Ralph Nader on the Daily Show with Jon Stewart while i was on hold. what a cool, cool guy. he's got the idea. apparently, he's just released a book entitled "Crashing the Party,", which i intend to buy, and I recommend the same action to anyone else who is pro-Nader, or simply concerned with the future of America. interestingly enough, after the interview, i switched on MTV, and what video was on? that's right..."Toxicity," from System of a Down. this is not coincidence. we need a revolution, baby.

so drew is up in North Carolina, enjoying chocolate vaginas and the company of a few sexy, intelligent ladies...and i'm stuck here with good ol' Chris. don't get me wrong...chris is a good guy - when he comes in short doses. i can't take too much of my dropout roomie. i just...i dunno. i get bored, i guess. but i am glad that he's here; it's never a nice thing to be completely alone in this apartment. besides - he's funny...and he reminds me of what i might become if i don't get my act together. so chris: thank you for being a funny slob of a friend. i truly will miss you if you ever move out.

aight...i gotta get up at 8 today...so i should get some sleep. if it is in your power to spend "quality time" with someone special today, rock it. just have them call you Alan, if you know what i mean. goodnight...

::: posted by AJBrotz at 2:26 AM

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Tuesday, February 12, 2002 :::

picked up onesidezero's debut cd (great stuff....seriously), as well as "Singles" from Jimmy Eat World, which seems much more rockin' (not necessarily better...just more up-tempo thus far) than "Clarity." these cds, of course, do not make up for SW breaking up...but they do provide distraction.

what an interesting couple of days...today, drew and i received the same amount of money in the mail from relatives...Drew's car's battery was dead, and RABIA had to lend it some juice for it to get started...and there was other stuff, but i can't remember. horrid forgetfulness. concert band was actually enjoyable, since i got to rock it on the snare drum, just like the old days - only i think i'm better now than i was before. "it's always a wondeful thing to realize that you're still capable of surprising yourself..."

Absent's show at Mission Skate Park, originally scheduled for Friday, has been cancelled...and i'm not terribly distressed, cuz i hear that that place is a shithole - to the point that i would have had to bring my own P.A. but...i was looking forward to going home again...and i need nice pants/nice shirt for the upcoming Concert Band concert (confusing, eh?). and i miss my friends...especially those that have recently come out of the "shadows" and into the forefront, so to speak.

For Valentine's Day, can someone give me a good dose of discipline?

I'M GOING TO SLEEP.

::: posted by AJBrotz at 1:07 AM

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Monday, February 11, 2002 :::

drama without remorse.

first, the knowledge that one of my favorite bands of all time has broken up. next, touchy online conversation involving two extremely important people in my life. lastly, the reading of words on a piece of paper.

words on a piece of paper.

jesus...the sword is absolutely no match for the pen.

and i don't know where to go with any of this.

::: posted by AJBrotz at 12:24 AM

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Friday, February 08, 2002 :::

SALADFISHMAN has a new post. not sure about how much he likes this one...but...

::: posted by AJBrotz at 7:39 PM

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Tuesday, February 05, 2002 :::

BEST ALBUMS OF 2001*

10. Incubus: Morning View
9. Hoobastank
8. Stabbing Westward
7. From Zero: One Nation Under
6. Tool: Lateralus
5. Bjork: Vespertine
5. Sevendust: Animosity
4. Pink Floyd: Echoes
3. 311: From Chaos
3. Further Seems Forever: The Moon is Down
2. Sigur Ros: Agaetis Byrjun
1. System of a Down: Toxicity
1. Jimmy Eat World: Bleed American

Honorable Mentions
Machine Head: Supercharger
POD: Satellite
Michael Jackson: Invincible
N'SYNC: Celebrity

*Ratings based on cds that I actually purchased. Other cds, such as Radiohead: Amnesiac, might have been on the list had I properly evaluted them.

::: posted by AJBrotz at 8:09 PM

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This time, it's on my own.

::: posted by AJBrotz at 1:19 AM

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Monday, February 04, 2002 :::

...and suddenly, the sun is my best friend.

::: posted by AJBrotz at 5:38 PM

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everyone go rent Bubble Boy! Awesome movie!

and of course...if you haven't seen Moulin Rouge yet...well, you're pretty dumb. GO RENT/BUY IT!

Absent played a decent show friday night...but i definitely had more fun before the show, when we got lost in downtown Orlando. that was freakin' great. and Dan's Midnight Pizza is pretty damn good. anyway...everyone played exceptionally well...except for myself. i just wasn't feeling it...at all...and for the first time ever, didn't really care about how well i performed. my voice was off...my playing was off...i just had like, zero enthusiasm. except for "And So it Goes..." that is without a doubt my favorite song that we've ever written, and i don't think i could ever play it without getting psyched in the process. so...why have i not been enjoying absent lately?

i haven't been enjoying much of anything lately...and this entry will probably come off as just another one of those run-of-the-mill depressed-person entries or whatever...but...this IS my blog...so...oh well. i've just been feeling totally lost lately...and i haven't been able to switch myself out of that mindset - which is really strange for me, because it's usually no problem. usually i can just think of a funny memory, and i'll be back to normal, just like that...or i'll just be like, "hey, enough of this blah mood...get happy!" or whatever. but...that hasn't been working. i'm not sure whether to attribute it to poor eating habits, or lack of exercise...because these are constants; i've always had these problems, and it's never been a real issue with my attitude before. maybe it has all caught up with me. i dunno. of course, my missing tons of school is a factor...but i'm not sure whether it's a result, or a cause of this attitude problem. bah...this is so retarded. for the millionth time, i'm stating that i'm switching it up; i'm not going to miss anymore school...i'm going to get back on track...i'm going to find motivation...and i'm going to regain the respect of my friends. and this time it's going to stick. somehow. i hope.

brock, brian, juan and I made 60 bux each playing oldies to old people at New Smyrna saturday night...'twas hellafun playin' songs like "Johnny Be Good," "Wipeout," "Wild Thing," "Gloria," "Joy to the World (Jeremiah was a Bullfrog)," etc. and it's always wonderful for me to jam out with my dad. great, great times...his birthday was yesterday, actually. pretty crazy...i hate the fact that he's getting older. when you're young and under your parent's 24 hour supervision, you feel like they'll be there forever...but once you're out, you realize how temporary everything is...

Brock's condo is mad awesome. reminded me of the Island...

the new Dream Theater cds kick ass...the 2nd one, consisting of one 40-something minute long song, is my personal favorite. Juan has really gotten into them, so that's awesome.

Juan. what a wonderful person Juan is. i love that kid...

do you ever think about which individual friends you wouldn't be able to imagine living without? it's an eye-opener, and you kinda' feel bad, because you realize that some "friends" are...or will be...expendable, for lack of a better word. and that is only because certain people REALLY stand out as friends that you would hate to lose...to live away from. understand what i'm saying? like...there's a handful of friends that i absolutely treasure...but even then, there are only a few in that handful that i truly cannot imagine being excluded from my life. i'm pretty sure that these people know who they are...and to them, i say...GOD, i love you. thank you soooo much for walking into my life...or for engaging in conversation with me after i said "hi," etc. And i'm not really sure why i'm writing about this right now...but...i guess i'll throw in a little request: if you've thought about this question of which people are pretty much vital to your enjoyed existence, and have "narrowed it down," let those people know just how important they are.

time to read for SCHOOL...cuz that's what i'm here for...SCHOOL. SCHOOL is where i'm going tomorrow...what i'm waking up for. no more missing SCHOOL.

i need to be honest with myself, for myself

::: posted by AJBrotz at 3:26 AM

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Thursday, January 31, 2002 :::

NEW DREAM THEATER!!!

Yes, it's finally here...the new studio album from one of the most talented bands in the world! SIX DEGREES OF INNER TURBULANCE is the title of this massive 2-cd opus. Hopefully, it will live up to the standard set by their last release, "Scenes from a Memory." We shall see...

Last night was an absolute blast...Juan and Melo came up from O-town, Crystal came down from Jacksonville, Axel came over from a few streets away...and Drew came from down the hall - and we all went to see Recover, onelinedrawing, and Further Seems Forever perform at The Common Grounds. Tiny club...but it provided the perfect atmostphere for the night. Very intimate...and the sound quality was actually quite good. Anyway, Recover put on tight, decent show...typical emo-rock with two vocalists - one screamer and one singer. Jonah's one-man-show onelinedrawing COMPLETELY stole the show...i swear, you just HAD to be there to understand. this man is incredible...great voice, intensity beyond my comprehension, absolute honesty...and R2. Yes, I'm talking about R2-D2 from the Star Wars saga. Jonah brings his robotic friend along to each show, and the droid provides humorous noises and awesome grooves that Jonah plays along to. In reality, R2 is a tape-player, and Jonah programs the beats for R2 to play back...but it's really...cute to see on stage, and it's cool to imagine that R2 is Jonah's self-willed beat-kickin' buddy. so...many many thank-you's to Jonah for an incredible performance. Further Seems Forever played last, and they put on a rockin' show...but...i just wasn't feeling it quite like I had anticipated i would. this was, of course, a result of the fact that their current singer did not provide the vocals that are on their full-length cd release. Although his voice was quite similar to that of the former vocalist, it was hard to believe (for me, anyway) that Jason was really feeling Chris's lyrics. i mean...Chris wrote those lyrics, not Jason...and when you perform someone elses poetry, i don't think it can ever be as honest and effective as it is when you perform your own. However, as the set progressed, i tried to shove all of this out of my head, and enjoyed the show as best as i could. Drew joined me in singing "Snowbirds and Townies," and during the band's last song, i put my arms around Crystal and Drew, and we swayed together until the song's end. Great times...great times. *smile*

today, i viewed Bubble Boy (which was actually a pretty decent flick...quite humorous) and, finally, Moulin Rouge. What a Spectacular, SPECTACULAR film. amazingly done, with beautiful music, enthralling performances from Ewan and Nicole, and expert direction. I can't recall how many times the film gave me goosebumps. Bravo for the Moulin Rouge...

in other news...i'm still attempting to get back on track with this college business. basically, my last chance greets me today, for if i do not complete the required reading for astronomy, it is likely that i will fail monday's quiz. My entire weekend is already scheduled away, so today is all that i have. Juan being here is definitely a distraction, but i HAVE to get the reading done. more on collegiate thoughts later; i have to get some sleep.

"This winter is lasting forever - at least for tonight."

::: posted by AJBrotz at 2:54 AM

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Thursday, January 24, 2002 :::

good news...JJ is back safe and sound. her internal organs were replaced, but she's the same old beauty on the outside, and she serves me with more efficiency than ever before. three cheers for jj...

absent has an important gig tomorrow night...i can't remember the last time i was this nervous about playing...primarily because my voice is being threatened by some bitch-ass sickness, but also because it'll be Will's first show. Additionally, we're planning on performing a song we finished at our last practice, which seems like forever ago...hell, our last performance literally seems like a year ago to me. so yeah...i feel unprepared. maybe everything will go off fine...but i'm definitely gonna drink as much green tea with honey as i can stand beforehand.

there was this girl in my Film as a Narrative Art class that i was immediately attracted to...but she was only there a few days. she's gone now. she'd seemed really smart...and has a fabulous name: Tatiana Bengochea (just...say it. it flows so nicely...) and i fully intended to ask her to join me and some friends to a movie...but she vanished before i had the chance. there's more support for my absolute fucking need to STOP PROCRASTINATING, and make use of each moment i can get ahold of.

further support became evident today in Film. we have an essay due on Tuesday, and we were able to choose which movie it would be based upon - as long as he approved it. so...weeks ago, i proposed a few suggestions, including The Godfather, Requiem for a Dream, and American Beauty. He only approved American Beauty...but i decided later that i wasn't interested in writing about it. so...i took down the list of movies that others had suggested and he had approved...but still, none really hit home. so...today, after he told the class that no more movies could be added to the list for the first essay, i asked if there was any way i could squeeze in two other suggestions. he asked which ones. i offered Almost Famous - immediate negative response. i tried again with Unbreakable. he paused...and said that if i had suggested Unbreakable a week ago, he would have said yes. he then walked off, adding comments like "You should already be started," yadayadayada. so...yes, the essay should be in progress already, but...bah. i dunno. i couldn't think of any movies when i needed to, reason being...maybe i was too tired...ugh. i dunno. but i'm sure it was my fault, because today, i've been coming up with several movies that would likely meet his approval, such as Dark City and The Crow. btw...the assignment is to analyze the "Setup" of the movie, which is usually expressed within the first 30 or so minutes of the film. Unbreakable, The Crow, and Dark City each have excellent setups, and...BAH. i just wish that i had thought of them earlier. so now, i'm stuck with either Nurse Betty, The 6th Sense, or Fight Club, as no other movies on the list of suggestions interest me. i'm leaning towards the 6th Sense, since its Setup seems well defined, and not as ambiguous as that of Nurse Betty or Fight Club. they each still have the whole "twist" element that arises at/near the end of the story, which annoys me (with regard to this essay topic)...but...ugh. frustration.

never watch the news. ever. it's the most depressing shit on television...and in general. i swear...fuck the media. that's all i've got to say.

it'd be awesome to see you guys tomorrow night...we go on at "10 sharp," and it's $7 for anyone under 21, $5 for 21 and up. Ignid is decent, but i'm not that big a fan of the Ox Project, so...in my opinion, u won't be missing too much if you only stay for Absent.

Movie/Music Recommendations:
Hi-Fidelity, starring John Cusack and Jack Black
Grosse Pointe Blank, starring John Cusack and Minnie Driver
Dark City
Virgos Merlot: Signs of a Vacant Soul

"the only thing i need: kiss my disease, and make it all better"

::: posted by AJBrotz at 12:30 PM

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